Aquaman #33

Is that Aquaman's non-magical back-up trident?

When I was in college, I took a Religious Studies class because I was raised without any kind of religion at all and I was interested to learn something about the various religions that influence the people of the world. I wasn't even raised atheist. Religion and spirituality simply played no part in my upbringing. And that's the biggest difference between people that believe in evolution and people that believe in creationism. One side encourages learning and the other side discourages learning. Because the main reason a person believes in creationism is because they haven't taken the time to truly learn the intricacies of evolution. Reading about science is difficult and time consuming. It's much easier to hear somebody say, "If you found a watch in the desert, you would keep it without telling anybody because it's probably valuable. Also, you'd believe it was created by somebody somewhere even though you wouldn't want to think about it for very long because then you'd have to realize you were kind of stealing. Although people do say that thing about losers being out of luck and finders having all the rights, so it's not up to you to put any effort into finding the owner. Just like it's not up to you to put any effort into learning about how the world works when somebody already told you how the world works in like one sentence: God did it!"

Look, if you want to believe that God created everything or that God created evolution to create everything, go ahead. What do I care? But at least realize that what you're doing is just answering a question with the word "God" because finding out the real answer would take more time than you're willing to give to learning. One other thing you're doing is projecting the world outward from your desires. And, you might have to take this with a grain of faith, but the world doesn't bow to your whim. You might want your ego to live forever but just because you desperately want that doesn't mean the world has to comply with your wishes.

The previous tied in with Aquaman because he's currently fighting Chimera (The Creature King) which is a creature that was created. So when Aquaman stumbled upon him, he thought, "Look at this strange creature! Evolution sure made a mockery of itself!" What he should have been thinking was, "This creature is far too complex for billions and billions of changes which increased its ability to survive and, therefore, procreate which occurred across billions of years to ever have come into being! It was obviously created by one man for one specific purpose using dozens of creatures that evolved across billions of years and were then incorporated into one creature!" Comic books like to portray the world differently than it actually is! Remember that time Batman went to heaven?

Is "heaven" related to the word "heave"? I'm just going to believe that all words that look similar share a common root! That would mean Heaven is the place of heaving! By believing this, does this make me a Word Evolutionist or a Word Creationist? I think it just makes me wrong no matter what I call myself!

Funny how Aquaman thinks of killing these creatures "only for food" and yet every single one of his stories since Jeff Parker has taken over has been Aquaman killing creatures that are simply eating humans for food. Does that make him a hypocrite or just hungry?

Hey look! This issue is called "Meet Your Maker"! So that fits in with the way I began this rambling review! I think God, using evolution, made me psychic!

Yep. Hypocrite. Possibly also hungry.

Chimera also questions Arthur's belief that it's okay for Arthur to send the creatures to their deaths whenever he feels like it but nobody else should have that power. Arthur's belief is one of the most immature beliefs that adults fail to shed across their entire lives. It's the main reason America believes it is the only country responsible enough to have nuclear weapons or to be leaders of the world. The feeling is portrayed as being responsible and wise but it's really just being selfish, untrustworthy, blind, and fearful. To have power and think you'd wield it responsibly is easy because you don't have to put yourself in the position of everybody else that is fearing you won't use the power responsibly. But as soon as somebody else gets the power, you become fearful that they won't use it responsibly and you might be hurt by it, so you want to stop them from getting the power at all costs. And even if the power is too wildly dangerous for anybody to have (the power to destroy civilization with a nuclear barrage?), you still can't give it up because you must retain it to keep everybody else from gaining it! Or if they've already gained it, from using it on you.

Aquaman might also be thinking about the abuse and manipulation of the poor sea creatures by an irresponsible and violent being. But I think we can throw that argument out the window just by looking at this next panel:

I'm sure this giant sea turtle volunteered to be a fucking underwater taxi cab.

I'm kidding! I'm sure that sea turtle has just as decent a life as horses on a farm or dairy cows at a corporate dairy factory. Hmm, those are two wildly different points on the scale of how we treat domesticated animals. But then why should Atlantis be any different? The creatures they ride--the turtles, and sea horses, and rays--probably get treated lovingly by most of their keepers. But the whales they keep in pens for their morning milk probably suffer greatly, being kept constantly pregnant and having to watch their male children shipped off to the whale veal facility.

Aquaman is saved by some Atlantean sentries and told that some rebels had recently tried to kill Mera. Jesus Fish Christ! Don't they know to keep their mouths shut about stuff like that?! Now Aquaman is going to go into a frenzy and start slaughtering prisoners! It's a good thing Atlantis wasn't invited to the Geneva Convention. They can kill prisoners of war and use Topo Torture for information all they want. Although America was at the Geneva Convention and they seem to do those things whenever they want as well. Weird!

I think punching a prisoner in the face to get them to shut up is specifically allowed thanks to the third Geneva Convention where it was pointed out that prisoners would probably get really uppity and smart-mouthed when they found out that they couldn't be killed or tortured without it causing an international incident.

While Arthur returns to Atlantis to cause a bunch of seaquakes that he doesn't believe he's causing (but he is according to Vulko who nobody listens to anymore because he began the War of Atlantis), Chimera heads to Amnesty Bay to look for Aquaman. He causes a bit of a ruckus because he looks like a monster, so he uses his camouflage ability to become human. Also, his camouflage ability is more like a metamorphosis with lots of shedding and snot.

Aquadog nearly defeats Chimera but he's kept back by his leash and can only get a few good barks in. That's too bad. It would have been nice to see Aquadog be the hero while Aquaman never hears another word about Chimera. But that can't happen because Chimera needs to eventually remember that Aquaman helped save his life so that he'll have an identity crisis where he doesn't know if he should be a monster looking for vengeance or a grateful man asking for thanks. I think he should be a monster! Which he chooses (for now)!

Aquadog has a glass jaw.

Don't worry! Aquadog lives. So do the other two women whose names I forget even though Chimera calls one of them Erika at one point. Oh! One of them is named Erika! She's the police officer that went to high school with Arthur. The other woman is Aquadog's new best friend. Chimera finds out where Arthur has gone and leaves, letting everybody live. Except for the few people in Amnesty Bay he killed just to prove that he kills for more than just food.

Chimera leaves Amnesty Bay and hunts down Aquaman at the bedside of Doctor Shin. And that's where the biggest fight of the century* will take place!

*At least the biggest fight of the century that takes place in Aquaman #34.

Aquaman #33 Rating: No change. Batman wasn't in this issue! I keep getting fooled by these stupid 75 Years of Batman covers that I didn't ask for! I just wanted the normal covers. Unless they are the normal covers? I have no idea since I don't involve myself in secondary, tertiary, or fourthishiary sources about DC Comics. I just read the primary source and leave it at that! So even though my comic book store keeps trying to push Previews on me ("At cost! It's at cost! You can't lose!"), I have to keep adamantly standing my ground and refusing politely. "In some circles, I have heard that the word 'no' does, in fact, mean 'no.'" Then they'll be all, "Come on! Just touch it. Please?" And I have to steadfastly proclaim, "I have said my piece. Good day to you!" And then my comic book store clerk will say, as I walk out the door, "Well, I'll be in the bathroom for a few minutes of alone time with my Previews."