Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Supergirl #31

Does having two opposable digits on each hand help a creature evolve even quicker?

Once again, it's time for Supergirl's Bum! Supergirl's Bum! Supergirl's Bum! What did I say? Supergirl's Bum!
It'll look you in the eye and you'll fall in love! Supergirl's Bum!
You'll look it in the eye and you'll fall in love! Supergirl's Bum!
It was always kind of angry!
But now it's really angry!
It'll curb stomp your heart! It's Supergirl's Bum!

Currently, The Red Lanterns (including Supergirl's Bum) are hunting down Judge Red because she's decided to become the law. And they have to find her before Dex-Starr finds her because what group of Red Lanterns would you join? The group with a red haired dickface, a living beach ball, and a decaying ox, or the one with the adorable kitty cat?! If you didn't answer "the adorable kitty cat," you are dead inside and/or a poseur.

Although I did misrepresent the side without a kitty cat since I forgot to mention Supergirl's Bum was on that team. Did I forget to mention Supergirl's Bum? You do know about it, right? It's pretty freakin' adorable.

Oh my god! Dex-Starr is adorable too! I can't decide which team to root for!?

It must be noted that Supergirl's Bum has decided to remain in the background so far this issue. But Dex-Starr has come out of the gates swinging!

Now I'm picturing race horses wearing boxing gloves! That's fucking cute too! Unless it's animal abuse. But at least it's adorable animal abuse!

You can has everyting!

Dex-Starr begins firing lasers out of his tail but he doesn't flip the fuck out and try to capture all of the lasers at the same time. I guess he can suppress his cat instincts when he needs to.

Why do cats instinctively attack lasers?! I think that's proof of ancient aliens somehow!

Meanwhile in New York, Silver Banshee's witch roommate and her coven play with powers beyond their ken!

"It's not a game! It's a tool!" -- Carl, my stoner buddy, twenty years ago in my mom's basement over a Ouija Board and bathed in candlelight.

Because the coven forgot to take the proper precautions like not being in a fictional medium, they summon Blaze the Demonic Demon! Blaze asks the witches, "Where is Supergirl?" Well, if Blaze would get off the fucking Ouija Board, they might be able to find out for her.

Back on Primeen, Supergirl's Bum gets a chance to offer a rebuttal to Dex-Starr's points. Instead, Supergirl's Bum decides to rest on its past laurels and simply not appear at all!

So close and yet so far off panel!

By the way, nobody has found Judge Red yet.

Also, I should probably mention this here before I'm inundated with comments that Supergirl's Bum has made an appearance up until this point. And while this is technically true, the picture was upside down and it really wasn't Lupacchino and McCarhty's best effort. It certainly wasn't worth scanning and it certainly wasn't saying something cute like "I can has dingleberry?"

By the way, immediately after pointing out Supergirl's Bum hasn't made an appearance and Judge Red has not yet been found, both appear on the next page! But not in any way interesting enough to scan. I'm really getting disappointed.

Here we go! We're going to get a lot of "I sentence you to..." and "I declare you..." one liners!

Judge Red does judge Supergirl. And even though Supergirl is guilty of punching a lot of people in the face, those infractions aren't even misdemeanors. They're just kind of bad manners. So Judge Red declares Kara is innocent, although flawed and dangerous. Can't that be said of all of us? I mean those of us that haven't murdered anybody yet.

Supergirl heads off to the Red Lantern's Bar and Ship to get the vat of Blood Ocean the Lanterns brought with them. Kara needs to dunk Judge Red into it so that she'll lose the frenzied courtroom drama and calm the fuck down a little bit. While Kara goes to get the Blood Tank, Atrocitus and Dex-Starr move in to make friends. That will take place in Red Lanterns #31 (on sale next week!). But for now, this story needs to end somehow.

Well, that's how that ends! With this guy again! I wonder what his ass looks like?

Supergirl #31 Rating: No change. I'm enjoying Supergirl's time as a Red Lantern because it's brought a little bit of focus into her life. Before her anger was unfocused and directed at anybody she met. Now she can at least punch people that deserve to get punched. Plus she's finally made another friend in Bleez! That makes two whole friends Supergirl has made! She's better at making friends than I am!

Sorry for the lack of Supergirl's Bum pictures. It appears no artist seems to care about it as much as Mahmud Asrar did.

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