Friday, May 30, 2014

Futures End #3

This Mister Terrific's tattoos are all wrong. Where is the real Michael Holt?!

I've been putting the weekly books at the top of my stack every week. Except last week, my comic book store was shorted Futures End #3. So I didn't pick it up until last Wednesday. At least I'll be able to read Issue #3 and #4 back to back.

Five years in the future, Green Arrow is dead. Super heroes across the world are pretending to be sad. Lois Lane is up to some Foucalt's Pendulum bullshit. Batman Beyond has traveled back in time thirty years to stop Brother Eye from turning all the heroes into Bugbots. Grifter is having a psychotic break and murdering people because he thinks they're Daemonites. Lots of other cancelled DC characters are busy trying to get back into the spotlight. And Mister Terrific is the third most evil man on New Earth. The world is on the brink of a path toward inevitable destruction. And Batman Beyond can't get help from Batman because Batman will throw him in Arkham Asylum. Although Bruce Wayne did help Jonah Hex when he did some time traveling, so maybe he will help Terry. At least up until Terry points out that he's going to kill Mister Terrific and destroy a Wayne Industries billion dollar satellite.

While Frankenstein discovers SHADE is still keeping tabs on him, Firestorm is having a lover's quarrel with himself.

Well, the female hotties don't exist.

Jasonstorm is going a little bit insane inside the Slash Fiction Matrix. I imagine it's a lot like solitary except instead of having nobody to talk to, you have one really stupid jock to talk to. I think that's worse. I bet Ronniestorm will also go a little bit crazy having his head on fire twenty four hours a day.

Grifter continues to create long winded Narration Boxes although they're far less nonsensical than when Edmondson or Liefeld were writing them. Although once I saw the kinds of things Grifter was thinking in his first appearance in Wildcats, I began to realize that Edmondson was just being true to his character! Edmondson was writing him poorly because that's how Grifter had always been written! Tons of stupid internal monologues that barely made any sense. So technically, Azzarello and Giffen and Lemire and Jurgens are writing Grifter poorly by making him seem normal and comprehensible.

Grifter's main super power is the ability to see Daemonites even when they're disguised as humans. But his They Live vision has been evolving lately. Now he can tell if somebody is a refugee from Earth 2 or if they're any kind of shapeshifter at all, from Martians to punning bendy men. Grifter has teamed up with a computer whiz named Justin. He's just a chubby kid who was almost turned into a Daemonite when Grifter came along and killed his family. Now they work together hunting shapeshifters and aliens hiding amongst us.

Mister Terrific is keeping an eye on Batman Beyond since the jerk broke into his corporation. He's either too concerned with the break in security to realize he's giving money to homeless Dick Grayson or else he's actively financing Dick Grayson and this is how he transfers the funds. Also, it seems I think everybody is Dick Grayson. Turns out I was close about the bartender of The Wounded Duck except off by one generation.

No wonder Lois's website is so popular. She publishes speculation and hearsay. I guess that's easier than investigating and research.

Futures End #3 Rating: No change. We just barely touched base with a whole bunch of characters this issue, so there wasn't a lot to really talk about. Although if that article Lois published about Red Robin is at least partially true, I'm ecstatic! In five years time, The Teen Titans will all have gotten themselves killed? Great! Although Beast Boy must still be alive since he has to train the Teen X-Men in a few years, according to Teen Titans Annual Number Suck.

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