Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Green Lantern #31

Oh yeah! 2-6-8-1-7-9-5 made the cover!

Presently, the Green Lanterns are fighting a war with the Durlans and the Khund. Possibly they're battling other races as well since a good percentage of the universe is currently pissed off at them. The Green Lanterns have been put on the defensive and are fighting the war to survive. I suppose they also think they're right and the other races are wrong but then they'd be wrong and not right about that supposition. The Green Lanterns have imposed their specific ethics and morality on numerous species across the galaxy. It's time for a change! It's time for the Green Lanterns to stop thinking of themselves as a universal police force and begin thinking of themselves as an emergency service ready to lend a hand when called.

Or they can just continue to be dicks. What the fuck do I care?

Some Green Lanterns are still buying into Jenny McRelic's bullshit theory that using Spectrum Light depletes it and hastens the end of the universe. So now Hal has to find other jobs for these Lanterns because he's too nice a guy to dishonorably discharge them for dereliction of duty.

Now the Green Lantern Corps has to provide ships and weaponry above and beyond the ring? Bullshit! Get rid of these assholes!

Before the Conscientious Objector Lanterns can get the ship taken apart to learn its secrets and before the Green Lanterns can eat lunch, Mogo is attacked by an enormous fleet of Khund and Durlans and Outer Clann ships. The Lanterns assemble to defend Mogo when Kilowog notices the ships are varieties from even more races than I first listed. Jordan's first thought is, "What the hell? People love us!" But they don't. They really, really don't.

Wrong approach, asshole.

See, Jordan, the problem is The Third Army and The Manhunters and all the cosmic spectrum wars and Relic and Volthoom. People don't tend to remember that you once saved somebody's ass over in Sector Fucking Not My Sector. They just see when you nearly destroy every sector every few crossovers. So pleading with people angry at you by reminding them of all the good you've done is like telling an elderly person that surgery would be good for them in the long run! They're not going to hear the words you're saying but the empty, vacuous space around those words. All the good you've done?! Does it outweigh all the horrors caused by the Corps and its little blue fascist leaders? Sure, they're gone now. But I'm willing to bet most of the universe had no idea about them pulling the strings anyway. So perhaps, Hal, you should get off your almighty throne and step out of your treasure vault full of Green Lantern Privilege, and just admit that y'all fucked up and you've been fucking up for a very long time. Shut down the Corps to retool. Rebrand yourselves! Maybe even continue to patrol the universe but in secret. The name "Green Lantern" is packed with way too much hate and emotion at this point. So stop trying to sell yourselves as saviours, apologize for all the shit you've done, and close shop for a bit. Maybe Hal Jordan should print a letter in the New Universe Times condemning the Green Lanterns?

And then Hal learns that his Corps has been infiltrated by Durlans anyway. So, you know, the Corps is fucked.


Hal isn't at a disadvantage for long. He attacks the fake Green Lanterns and overpowers them because they're wielding rings that use the willpower of the wearer. And none of them were chosen by the rings, so none of the Durlans are as adept with the rings as the Green Lanterns are. So Hal Jordan kills the fake Mukmuk by forcing his ring to shut down. And then the ring takes off because it locates the real Mukmuk! He's way off on that prison planet near Durlan, probably. Or he's in a carnival somewhere getting ping pong balls thrown at him.

I guess killing Durlans is okay. Or is this one of those cases where Hal doesn't consider the death his fault if he shuts down a ring that just happens to be protecting the Durlan from the vacuum of space? You know, I don't even know if Jordan is big on not killing! He may not give a fuck because he's a soldier fighting a war right now and not a super hero acting holier than thou.

The Khund retreat not because they don't want to fight to the death but because the Durlan Ancient commands them to because he has another plan which had better be more spectacular than this one. Hal Jordan realizes as the rings rush off to find their real owners that the Green Lanterns have some prisoners of war to save.

Green Lantern #31 Rating: No change. I suppose the Durlans didn't kill the original Green Lanterns whose faces they stole because keeping them alive probably allowed them to continue using their Green Lantern Rings. If they did it for any other reason, they're suckers because the Green Lanterns didn't hesitate to kill the Durlans!

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