Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Batman and Frankenstein #31

How come you assholes didn't support Frankenstein's book? Well, now that he's in a Batman book, you're probably buying it. Jerks.

Batman might not actually be searching for Robin's body right now. He's adventured with a water breathing fish king from Atlantis, an Amazonian of legend and daughter of the God Zeus, and now a fictional reanimated corpse. I think he's strapped to a bed and thrashing about raving like some of Gotham's most famous residents, being pumped full of anti-psychotics which obviously aren't working at all because his bloodstream is full of anti-Scarecrow drugs. So he's gone around the bend and imagining he's having adventures with a bunch of seriously unbelievable characters.

Batman sure is careless in his hallucinations. Unless maybe the dog is driving.

I wonder why Titus didn't make an appearance in Batman Loves Wonder Woman #30. Are dogs not allowed on Paradise Island? Maybe that's how the island got it's name! Because there are no fucking dogs on it!

That last pair of sentences make a subtle anti-male comment! I thought I'd mention it because I don't want to be one of those pretentious writers who couch all of their most important messages in subtext and allegory. All of my shit should read like Everyman. If some character is going to represent Death or Charity or Hatred of Men, that character will be named Death or Charity or Hatred of Men!

Batman and Titus almost run over two Chinese fishermen because they're traveling to Nanda Parbat. Little does Batman know, Nanda Parbat has Nanda Pargone. If you're a first time reader, that's about as clever as I get! If that wasn't good enough for you, you should probably go watch Two and a Half Men. Also, fuck you.

Oh! I probably should have made a Nanda Parbatman joke of some sort! Shoot! Missed opportunity!

It's like I have no idea what "editing" is!

Batman isn't as good at all the stuff I'm used to him being good at because a five hundred pound, eight foot tall living corpse sneaks up on him in the snow.

Down, Titus! Down! You're going to get sick if you eat that!

Frankenstein bullies an apology out of Batman but even when Batman is faced with dismemberment at the hands of a fictional character, he still takes a full panel beat before apologizing. What a cocky bastard! He was probably thinking through his options during the silent panel and finally figured that apologizing would be the best way for Frankenstein to live through this encounter.

As Batman and Frankenstein catch each other up on what they've been doing, all I can think about is who will be next month's guest star! It's such an exciting feeling, this not knowing! I bet it will be Batman and Ra's al Ghul. They'll probably have a rational discussion over what to do with Damian's body as Batman tries to escape from whatever death trap Ra's has death trapped him in.

Because Batman insists that he only wants Damian back so that he can rebury him, Frankenstein decides to help Batman find al Ghul.

Speaking of al Ghul, I need to pick up The Book of the Thousand Nights and a Night again and continue reading it. Why can't I finish anything longer than a twenty page comic book anymore? I think it's because I know my time is limited! Stupid mortality!

Batman agrees with me!

Frankenstein is interrupted because he and Batman are attacked by an Impossibility of Yetis. They're probably hungry because they haven't been fed since Nanda Parbat disappeared. They're also angry because they've just gotten their asses kicked by Ra's al Ghul and his Man-bats. Batman, being the smartest detective this side of Smallville, realizes the Yeti are just protecting themselves and that they could really use a Snickers bar. So he surrenders to them and makes friends. Now he has an army of Yetis to battle Ra's's army of Man-bats!

Batman doesn't realize that "grahh" is the most insulting word in the Yeti's language for "human."

Batman, Frankenstein, and the Yetis travel down into the mountain where another of Ra's al Ghul's secret Lazarus Pits is located. But when they open the door to stop al Ghul, Batman says, "No...I'm too late." And then the comic book ends. So maybe next issue will actually be Batman and Robin again!

Batman and Frankenstein #31 Rating: No change. Frankenstein didn't really get to do much this month. But at least he and Batman did clear up that business with Batman chopping Frank into pieces. It's good to see these kids getting along once more. The book also could have used more Titus.