Green Lantern Corps #31

This looks like the cover of a book I would have read in second grade. With really large font. And possibly multiple endings. Or at least a very valuable moral lesson at the end. You know, after the big laser battle.

Last issue, John told Fatality not to kill the Durlans because that would prove that they weren't any better than the Durlans or something. I've always hated that reason for not killing. That's the "Don't Stoop to Their Level" rule and it's lazy ethics. You're finding a way to make your decision to let somebody live be all about you and how much better you are than the person you're not killing. I think you should not kill for the reason Jesus said that thing where he said that thing about rocks and sins. By killing a person, you're taking away their ability to change or repent or bite the ring off Frodo's finger and fall into Mount Doom with it. I also think Batman's real reason for not killing is a good reason not to kill! What is that, I hear you asking shyly? Batman doesn't kill because he's afraid he'll get a taste for it and he won't be able to stop! Don't buy into Batman following the "Don't Stoop to Their Level" bullshit! He knows if he kills, he'll like it! And it's so easy that he just won't be able to stop. He'd be a pretty efficient monster, that guy.

I think I had a reason for starting that last paragraph which I should probably get back to! Okay, so John Stewart refused to kill the Durlans. But in Green Lantern #31, Hal Jordan and the rest of the Green Lanterns fucking massacre the Durlans! I think John needs to reread his Green Lantern Corps Rulebook. And once the Durlans were dead, the rings they were wearing began traveling to Corona Seven to find their original owners. So killing was a good thing! I think. I'm confused.

I've never killed another human being but I don't think I'm ethically against it. Like when you're walking down the sidewalk and people are standing in front of a bar smoking and taking up the whole sidewalk? I think killing at least one of those people would be okay. It would be wrong to kill them all. But I can see the death of one being a reasonable alternative to just walking around them.

This month's starting line-up for your Green Lanterns Corps!

So before the Green Lantern Rings even make it to the prison planet where the Green Lanterns are being held, Xylpth and Ghr'll break out! They kill a few Khunds because they think John Stewart suffers from low testosterone. Perhaps John has just had enough killing since he always has to kill friends and innocent people. That can take a toll on somebody!

It isn't long before the rings arrive though because no reader wants to read an entire comic of Green Lanterns using conventional weapons. Nobody cares about the personalities behind the rings! We just want to see what stupid constructs they make! Also, I think Bloobert Cob died. Also, poor blah blah blah whatever. Nobody cares!

Well, these Lanterns care, I guess. Although these Lanterns really are nobodies!

And I don't want to hear about how these Green Lanterns were stars or something in the Spectrum Wars or whatever! If they're not featured prominently in the 1985 Who's Who Directory, they're no Lantern I give a shit about!

Hell, even some of those Lanterns I don't give a shit about.

Okay fine! The only Green Lanterns I care about are G'nort and Kilowog and John Stewart and Guy Gardner, okay?!

Even though the escaped prisoners are doing just fine (with the exception of Bloobert Cob), John Stewart, Fatality, and their small team of Lanterns arrive to save the day. Or help save the day. Or at least be there to escort everybody home. But first they have to rescue one more captive held at the bottom of the prison! This prisoner must be really important!

Who the fuck?

Sodam Yat is apparently a Daxamite. So he's Superman with the pesky allergy to lead. Great! A Superman that can be killed with a musket! Well, at least he'll be useful until somebody hits him with a pipe.

With the information they get from Sodam, John Stewart learns of the Durlans real plans.

Whatever. Just cover yourselves in lead paint and hug the fuckers. War over.

Green Lantern Corps #31 Rating: No change. I predict the Green Lantern Corps is going to stop off at Earth, visit a fishing supply store, and buy up all the lead weights for the battle ahead.