Batwing #31

Is anybody out there even reading Batwing?

Reading this comic book is like calling my mother on Mother's Day. It's not enjoyable and it leaves me wondering why I even bothered. Which is a shame, really. Not the part about not enjoying talking with my mom. That's not the shame. The shame is that Justin Gray and Jimmy Palmiotti write one of my favorite titles of The New 52, All Star Western, and they also write this. So why the huge discrepancy in my enjoyment of the two titles? I think the only conclusion to be made is that I'm probably racist.

You know what else is a shame? Both Batwing and All Star Western are near the bottom of The New 52 in sales. I don't mind so much if Batwing is cancelled (probably because Lucas Fox is black) but I don't want to lose Jonah Hex (white guy!) every month!

It doesn't help Batwing's case that he's now adventuring in the Gotham Underground which is just the most ridiculous location in the entire DC Universe! I don't really have anything more to say that won't get me in trouble due to coupling my facetious nature with the whole "I'm probably racist" bit from earlier, so here's a picture I drew many years ago that is apparently a furry version of The X-Files.

This was probably the product of a long, boring day at a forty hour per week desk job.

Previously in Batwing, Lucas Fox's family was having a really bad week. And by "really," I actually mean "fucking." A fucking bad week. A ver-fucking-y re-fucking-ally ba-fucking-ad we-fucking-eek. One of his sisters was brain damaged from drugs given to her by an old friend of Lucas Fox's that turned out to be a huge dick. This "friend" also kidnapped Lucas Fox's other sister. And to top it off, Batwing had to enter Ann Nocenti's Gotham Underground to find them. At least he entered the Underground through a different Rook than Catwoman did so Jimmy and Justin could make up their own Post Apocalyptic Societies and they didn't have to rely on the idiots Nocenti created in Catwoman.

Batwing has finally come face to face with his old friend. I've been calling him The Victimizer but it seems his name is Menace. That's probably a better name if you want your super villain to be taken seriously. Also it explains everything you need to know about him in one word. He's a menace!

If I were a super hero or a super villain, I wouldn't telegraph my powers or my intentions in my choice of names. I'd probably name myself The Daisy. Unless my super power was bringing a smile and a bit of beauty into a person's life. Then I'd call myself Wolverine.

Oh. I guess Lucas Fox is a man of God. I think I missed that in the earlier issues. Possibly because I slept through them.

I like how Lucas Fox questions the all-knowing God in that second panel and he sets up blaming God in the first one! If Batwing does kill Menace, it's only because fucking God didn't give him the strength to not do it! And if Batwing does kill Menace, I guess God didn't give him the strength for a reason and it was God's will that Batwing kill Menace thus Batwing need not take any responsibility for his own fucking life. Hey Batman?! I think you might have chosen poorly for the new Batwing!

Menace begins spouting quotes as he kills Jackal Men. Since Menace is acting crazy and in a seeming blood frenzy, Batwing automatically assumes that Menace is simply spouting crazed nonsense. But he'd be wrong!

Maybe Menace should have taken the name "Pretentious Dickhole."

Here's a helpful hint to not being an asshole, Menace: don't judge other people for not recognizing your obscure quotes. Just because you were interested in 18th Century German Poetry (or, more likely, the single 18th Century German Poet you're now quoting), it doesn't make you better read than everybody that hasn't read the same shit. A person that doesn't have the same experience that you have does not automatically mean that person is somehow less than you. I'm sure Batwing can quote some equally boring bullshit which you wouldn't recognize. And he probably will later in this issue when he defeats you and says, "I'm a reader too!" I bet he quotes Booker T. Washington when he said that thing he said that made him super famous! I'd quote it but I don't want to look like an asshole!

Batwing beats the shit out of Menace for a few pages before Menace, thankfully, doesn't say, "Is that all you've got?" Although he does say "You done?" which is practically the same thing. Then it's his turn to pummel Batwing for a few pages!

Meanwhile at the...oh, I'll just let the comic book say it!

This comic book isn't interesting enough to be this depressing!

Lucius Fox leaves his wife to bathe their daughter and heads off to church to pray for his family. Because going off on your own to pray to God is so much better than being with your wife and daughter to comfort and love them. The reason they resent you, Lucius, is because you're never around! And now when they really need you, you're taking off again! But at least you're doing something useful like praying.

Deeper in the Gotham Underground, Tiffany and The Ratcatcher are hanging out together. And Tiffany has decided that doing for herself is better than waiting for all-powerful God to do for her.

Tiff's plan is to complain about the facilities. The letter opener she stuffed into her shoe might be part of the plan as well.

Once Ratcatcher takes Tiff to the surface (the surface of the Gotham Underground! Not the surface surface that's the real surface!), she stabs him in the leg with her letter opener and runs off into the crowd. Enh. Praying probably would have worked just as well.

Back to the exciting action sequence featuring the titular character, Batwing knocks Menace into the underground lake where Menace is eaten by a huge fish. Batwing walks off knowing that Menace will be back to fuck with him, Joker style, but he can't be bothered with worrying about that. Batwing isn't a killer, after all! Also, he's apparently not a guy that subdues a villain and takes him to the police where he can be arrested and processed by the justice system where he might wind up properly punished and behind bars. I mean, it's an option! Although the justice system in Gotham really isn't any different than knocking a person into the gaping maw of a gigantic fish.

Batwing walks off to find Tiff and Menace climbs back to the surface because the fish that ate him must have had severe diarrhea. And he mutters, "Lucas Fox, hero." I guess Batwing's finishing kick was a kick that Russell (Menace's real name) and Lucas learned together in their self defense class they took together as kids.

Batwing #31 Rating: No change. If this comic book had three times as much Ratcatcher as it had this issue, I think I would have really liked it. He's the best looking character in this comic book, and he's the most entertaining as well.