Batwoman #31

Wolf Spider has been distracted by the Batman symbol fluttering around his shoulder.

I don't remember exactly where the story left off last issue because there was an annual published between this issue and issue #30. That means I just reread my commentary on the annual which had nothing to do with this story but had everything to do with a story that finished seven months ago. I'm fairly certain the cover explains everything you need to know. Batwoman is tracking Wolf Spider so that she can begin to beat the crap out of him, realize it's her high school friend, convince him he's being an idiot so that he'll turn on the guy he's working for, and then they'll team up to defeat Old Man Grantham as he searches for the Treasure of Eisenstadt!

But first, thirty six hours ago some shit went down at the court house that the reader needs to be made aware of! It'll probably be important later! As a Master Comic Book Reader, I can easily pick out when a subplot is developing! Don't be upset if you missed it. You'll get the hang of things soon enough! Just remember that Batman always wins and you're already 98% of the way to understanding DC Comics.

Come on! How can you accuse a woman whose name means "midnight" in German of being Nocturna? Ridiculous!

Also happening at the court house, Kate Kane is using her money to fuck other people with less money. An attorney specializing in gay custodial issues has a full work load and he can't take Maggie's case. He even tells Kate that she does not want an overworked, distracted attorney. Which also means his other clients don't want that. But she convinces him to possibly take the case by throwing tons of money at him and his favorite charity. So now he's either got to dump one of his other cases or make a bunch of distracted errors on all of his cases! Good job, Jerko Kane!

That battle that I mentioned earlier is about to take place, so I need to get back to the comic book and see if I correctly guessed the outcome! It'll either go fairly close to the way I guessed or Batwoman will get killed. One of those!

During the battle, Wolf Spider uses a bunch of Marvel's trademarked sound effects like SNKT! and FWIP! I hope DC has a great gay trademark attorney on retainer. Also, the battle doesn't go anywhere near like I expected it to! Although Batwoman does ask Wolf Spider to help her at one point! That's as close as it gets to my guess. Fuck, I suck at reading comic books! I'm horrible! The worst ever! I should just quit!

Apparently Eisenstadt's treasure was just a bunch of clove-flavoured Necco Wafers.

Wolf Spider figures he doesn't need hundreds of old timey candies, so he tosses them in Slaughter Swamp where they react like Mentos in Diet Coke. Maybe. Maybe they just wind up waking up Solomon Grundy.

After he visits the swamp, Wolf Spider runs into Kate but in the guise of Evan. There's a shot of his shoe in both instances so that the dumber readers like me, the worst comic book reader ever to turn a page, get the hint. Unless they're really popular shoes in Gotham!

The issue ends with Kate having another appointment with the therapist that she decided was a homophobic, sexist, rapist, child molesting, dog fucking asshole. I suppose that describes most therapists though, so why not give him another go?

Batwoman #31 Rating: No change. Now that this story line is over, I can assess the series since Andreyko and Haun took over! And my assessment is a mediocre, "It's decent enough." If you like following the adventures of Batwoman, it's definitely worth reading. If you couldn't stop coming in your underwear over Blackman and Williams, this probably isn't your cup of orgasms. If Blackman and Williams run was the Mona Lisa, Andreyko and Haun's run is a drunk guy talking about the Mona Lisa's tits. It's entertaining but it might not be for everybody.