This cover makes less sense than people who defend Aquaman.
Oh my god! I just had a great idea! DC should have Scott Lobdell write Aquaman! I wonder if Rob Liefeld has calmed down and is ready to work with DC again because he'd be the perfect artist for the job!
I also realized I have a positive thing to say about Aquaman! He's having sex with possibly one of the best characters in DC Comics, Mera! Also that thing about him riding giant seahorses? That's one of my favorite things about him! If Aquaman fans really wanted to win me over to loving Aquaman, they should point out how silly he was treated back when DC Comics didn't really know what they were doing. I think that was the first sixty years of the company. I like whimsical Aquaman! Also I like hard, dirty, bearded Aquaman by Peter David. Hmm. Maybe I like Aquaman?
I wish Aquaman had a weekly comic book! I would call it Aquaman's Undersea Adventures and Fun Time Sea-Pony Rides!
Enough about Aquaman! Let's point out how stupid Batman is now!
Gordon is still being railroaded by the corrupt legal system of Gotham.
Batgirl is a bit pissed off that her father has been arrested. Also because the judge declared that billions of dollars in damages were done to the city's infrastructure due to the subway accident. There's no way he's going to be able to reimburse the city on his commissioner's salary. So she heads out into the night to beat up on Pyg's thugs knowing that Batman will show up so she can ask him for a loan.
Meanwhile the new Commissioner's Number One Priority is to take down The Batman.
Ho hum. Yes, yes. Crooked cops hate Batman but love gang wars. Batman has never caused any deaths but he must be stopped for vigilantism before gangs filling the streets with drugs and death can be dealt with. Blah blah blah. So bored of this crap.
Batman decides to speak with Falcone by crashing through Falcone's skylight instead of ringing the doorbell. And then Batman is surprised when Falcone's thuggish secretaries don't want to let him into the office! Maybe Commissioner Forbes is right! This man is a menace!
For some reason, Batman doesn't smash Falcone's face through a table the way he did to The Penguin's face. I think Batman is playing favorites! Or he's afraid of Falcone. I think I'll go with that one! Batman is a coward!
Meanwhile in the Batcave, Batgirl has decided running around smashing tables with The Penguin's face and kicking in Falcone's skylight is less effective than doing actual research on the Batcomputer.
She's really good with computers. I wonder if she's ever thought about doing it for a living?
And then the best part of Batman Eternal happens as Gordon is brought to Blackgate!
An appearance by Warden Agatha Zorbatos! SWOON!
Batman Eternal #4 Rating: No change. I think I'm going to stop doing commentaries on Batman Eternal. I think this comic book is going to drive me to hate Batman! He's like a guest that won't fucking take a hint and go home! He's like my old neighbor that used to come over to the window with a beer and stand there trying to talk with me while I was inside playing computer games. Go find somebody else to be friends with, Drunk Batman! Can't you see I'm busy and just want to be left alone?!