Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Rogues Rebellion #6

Remember people! This is the ROGUES Rebellion and not the ROUGES Rebellion. The Rouges would be Captain Cold Cream, Make-up Trickster, Heatwave Hair Treatment, Weathered Face Wrinkle Remover Wizard, and The Mirror Master.

What I have learned from this cover is that the sun is still eclipsed and that Grodd is a bigger bad-ass than Amazo, The Fearsome Five, Parasite, and all of Firestorm's enemies combined. I suppose that makes sense since he is a super fast gorilla. Nothing can beat a super fast gorilla.

This issue begins with The Pied Piper talking with an unconscious Glider. He's supposed to remain out of the fight protecting her but he's currently working through an iron clad argument for why he should leave her unguarded so he can go battle along side his old friends, The Rogues. He's also reminiscing about how much he liked hanging out with The Rogues but felt he never really fit in.

I don't want to really judge or anything but maybe you didn't fit in very well with super villains is because playing a flute at somebody isn't the most threatening act.

The three Rogues that are currently left in this series (Weather Wizard, The Trickster, and Mirror Master) are holding their own against about a baker's dozen of super villains. Mostly that's because Weather Wizard has the ability to blast multiple people with lightning while blowing another half dozen down the street with hurricane force winds. But he's still just one guy and even one guy of the super villains isn't just one guy! That's because he's Multiplex and he finally forces Weather Wizard into the defensive position that brought each of us into the world and the one which we're most likely going out in (especially if we're being kicked to death by multiple versions of the same guy): the fetal position.

But The Pied Piper flutes into the battle to save the day by fluting! And looking kind of cool for a guy armed with a lousy flute.

Can you think of a less intimidating weapon? Perhaps a box of chocolates? Or a kitten? Or a three month old infant?

Luckily for The Rogues, the Crime Syndicate didn't quite think think through their plan of sending lots of super villains to kill The Rogues. The Super Villains feel just as comfortable beating on each other as beating on The Rogues. It's not like they got a message telling them what to do anyway. If any of these villains missed the memo that The Rogues had a price on their heads, they might just think they were suddenly teleported into town to destroy the lumpy pink idiot with the lamprey face. And if they don't jump to that conclusion (which seems like a fairly jumpable conclusion), Pied Piper can always Flute Control The Parasite so that he attacks the other villains.

But at the end of things, the numbers just can't be denied. Too few Rogues; too many non-Rogues. It's a simple algebraic equation, really. They're simply overwhelmed and beaten to death. Or would have been beaten to death if not for The Pied Piper's Flute poking Glider awake.

She saves them with her tassels.

Since Captain Cold isn't here to come up with a plan, the job falls to his little sister, Glider. Mirror Master creates a huge mirror that Weather Wizard blows all the bad guys into while The Glider makes them all intangible so that the wind won't blow them in as well. Then The Trickster gets to break the mirror. Maybe all the really bad guys are now involved in the Arkham War.

Afterwards, The Rogues stick around to be thanked because they never learned from The Jeezly Crow Batman that you're supposed to disappear immediately after saving the city.

After this there's some sappy ending about family and looking down their noses at bad guys that kill. Nobody likes a holier-than-thou judgmental criminal!

Rogues Rebellion #6 Rating: +4 Ranking. This has easily been the best part of Forever Evil. These guys easily head a successful monthly title. As long as Buccellato wrote it! Or maybe Garth Ennis! Although that would be a whole different kind of clusterfuck for these poor guys. The Trickster already lost an arm. Who knows how many more body parts he'd lose if Ennis were writing it.

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