Green Arrow #30

The S-Word Clan? Oh! That's how Lemire came up with this whole Outsiders thing! He was watching George Carlin's "Seven Words You Can't Say on Television"!

Last issue Green Arrow was shot in the head. So why is the story continuing? Will this issue be about the reading of his will? Maybe we'll get twenty-four pages of his body slowly decaying! If this were a Lobdell book, the first page would show the arrow missing Ollie's head even though it clearly penetrated it on the last page of last issue. But Lobdell is a hack. I think Lemire is a slightly better writer.

Before I read the comic, let's see how close I was to guessing the Sword Clan's attributes! I guessed they would be Balance, Speed, and Power. So I got one out of three! I guessed "Precision" for the Arrow clan so I'm going to give myself half of a useless point for that. I'm kicking myself that I didn't come up with Soul seeing as how Katana's Soultaker is the most important sword in the DC Universe.

Now that I know precision won't be one of the Arrow Clan attributes, I'm going to update my guess! I still like Balance and Focus as choices. For my new choice, I'm going with Patience! Now let's see how Ollie survived the arrow through the head trick. My guess is it split the hemispheres of his brain and did no real damage. It may have even severed the corpus callosum which means Ollie will suffer from Alien Hand Syndrome this issue! That'll make nocking an arrow difficult. Or constant.

This issue begins before Green Arrow entered the Cathedral. That means we're going to see the secret to his survive an arrow in the head trick! One thing I said last commentary was "Too bad Shado didn't come." But she did come! And she brought Robert "Richard" Green!

Maybe Ollie will die and his dad will take over the role! Or maybe his dad will shave his goatee and pretend to be Ollie and get killed! Or maybe I should just keep reading and find out!

As Green Arrow, Shado, and Big Daddy Arrow crash into the Cathedral, the reader discovers that what happened last issue has already happened this issue. The real trick was the Old Marvel Special! Green Arrow from last issue wasn't actually Green Arrow! I don't know why I didn't guess that possibility! It seems to be comicdom's go to get out of the cliffhanger free card. It was actually Magus and he reveals that he's the leader of the mysterious Seventh Clown Clan: The Mask Clan!

Magus calls the Mask a weapon which doesn't seem to follow the structure of the rest of the clans that are actual weapons. But since the mask is about obfuscation and disguise, it makes sense that it wouldn't be a real weapon because who would guess it was a Mask! I guess now that I know it's not the Owl Clan, I should change my attributes from Douchiness, Secrecy, and Gloryholes to something more Mask-Oriented. Like Secrecy, Obfuscation, and Enlightenment.

The big battle breaks out although it can't be the biggest battle since there are at least two more issues left in this story. It's the Fisting Clan and the Spear Clan versus the Arrow Clan and the Mask Clan! But since I think most of the Arrow Clan is actually following Komodo, that means it's three clans versus one right now. But that changes when Magus calls his back-up team onto the field.

It's the Axe Clan! And one person with a Sword that hates the Sword Clan.

Just like a normal war, the main battle is fought by nameless men and women. The main characters leave the battle to pursue the important story. Ollie and Shado chase after Komodo and Emiko. Katana chases after Onyx. Only Magus and Ollie's Father remain behind with Butcher and the Axe Clan to defeat the Fists and the Shafts. This is starting to feel a lot like reading The Lord of the Rings. I always enjoyed the story the most when it followed Pippin and Merry. Sam and Frodo's story was too depressing because Frodo was basically a bag of grain that Sam had to keep convincing to move its ass. I suppose it was supposed to be an uplifting commentary on loyalty and friendship and the strength to carry a heavy burden. But I just got sick of all the whining.

Meanwhile in Seattle, Dick Dragon, Master of Kung Fu, frees Count Vertigo from prison. I thought Vertigo was headed for Belle Reve. I guess the transfer papers haven't gone through yet.

How do you begin a sentence that begins a paragraph after a "meanwhile" paragraph where you're getting back to the main action? I'd use "meanwhile meanwhile" except that sounds like you're getting even further removed from the main plot. I suppose I could say "back to the real story" or "But fuck Dick Dragon because back in Prague, Shado is in trouble!"

I'm naming my first child "Dick Dragon."

While Emiko figures out which adult to trust, Oliver and his dad have a long conversation about trust. Maybe. I haven't actually read what they're talking about yet. I just turned to a couple of pages with lots of word balloons coming out of the mouths of the Queen men. All of those speech balloons just boil down to Ollie telling his daddy that he hates him. And then Daddy dies protecting Emiko. So now Ollie is going to have to bore me with his angst at having allowed his father to die without knowing that he didn't really hate him at all! He loved him and missed him and was just so angry!

Robert dies by getting shot in the heart by Komodo. So he technically dies of a broken heart. How embarrassing.

Green Arrow #30 Rating: No change. I know this was called "Book 5: Family" but it did have the Sword Clan on the front cover, so I was expecting a whole lot more Katana. Instead the stupid story actually followed the title and dealt with the Queen family finally reuniting. Also, there were no trick arrows in this issue.