Swamp Thing #30

Charles Soule's Swamp Thing gets more and more pornographic every month.

This issue is part two of the three part story "The Gift of the Sureen." Since it's the middle bit, you can probably skip it. The middle part of a story is always just filler. Forget about this issue. Let's talk about other things.

Today I was setting up an old cat tower in my office so my cat has someplace to sit when she visits instead of sitting on the floor and screaming at me continuously until I let her jump up in my lap which prevents me from doing anything else for the rest of the day. It's a homemade cat tower so it's a bit rickety. I was looking for something to balance the base and found two comic books lying about the floor. One was an extra copy of Talon #1 that my comic book store tricked me into buying by putting two in my subscription box. And the other one was this comic book:

I decided against using it to balance the cat tower even though it had just been lying on the floor for probably over a year. I set it aside and thought, "This looks familiar. Wasn't it in the case at the comic book store?" So when I picked up comics today, I checked. And there it was tagged for $50.00. Seriously? Even this reprint of Walking Dead #1 that was given away at the Portland Comic Con is worth a little cash? You people are crazy for your Walking Dead, aren't you? The fans of the show should be called The Waking Dead. Hopefully my first printing Walking Dead #1, carefully bagged and boarded and carefully stored away, is in as good condition as this issue that was just lying around on the ground under the desk for a year.

I just glanced at the first page of Swamp Thing #30 since it was lying here open beside me and I think maybe I should read it. Things are about to get nasty!

Sexually nasty!

While the Swamp Thing is about to have every twig, leaf, and bud examined, the important characters in this book are busy making themselves at home now that they're back on Earth. Wolf has chosen to dress up in a fancy suit with a suitably fitting green shirt and tie while Lady Weeds has chosen to cover herself in tattoos of vines and flowers. Now they're ready to ditch Swamp Thing and begin their own monthly comic book. Although by Lady Weeds behavior since she escaped The Green, her entire comic book would just be panel after panel of her killing different animals. It might get a bit repetitive unless maybe Garth Ennis were writing it. I think he could come up with enough creative ways to kill animals so the reader doesn't get bored. If he ran out of material, all Ennis would have to do is consult his childhood diary. Probably! I don't know anything for certain! Was that stated clearly enough to not get sued?

Brother Jonah and Capucine track them down because Swamp Thing told them to. And now they're all headed back to the swamp where Swamp Thing's burned down mansion is located. They might be a bit surprised about the burned down part.

Also surprising: The Swamp Thing's new look.

Everybody takes a turn tsk-tsking Alec for losing the Avatar's body before they begin discussing what is to be done. And what is to be done is almost as terrific (if not more so. Seriously, it's hard to compare things that are nearly perfect) as Etrigan hunting Capucine: Vandal Savage is called in to help. It's beginning to look like Capucine may have spent some time as a Demon Knight.

I love Vandal. I have not lived nearly as long as he has but this is the same argument I usually use with my father when he begins telling me the new way the world is going to end. Many generations before have believed the same thing. And many still to come will also. When the world finally does end (the anthropocentric version of the world, of course), I fear humans will have little to do with it. It will most likely be sudden and violent and of cosmic origin.

Vandal's price is Capucine. And Capucine's reaction to that price is, and I hate myself for even typing this, priceless. "Nnf. I knew it. Fine. Let's do it." I think she's been to this dance multiple times before.

And so she has. Which is why she knows he just wants to spar a bit with her. This is a relationship I would like to read more about. In just a few pages, Soule makes me care more about two characters than Lobdell could manage across two and a half years. Reading more stories about Vandal Savage and Capucine would be a delight.

Savage tells Alec and the others that the Sureen are in India. A few more details might be helpful since India isn't exactly a tiny place. Now if he'd said France, they'd find the Sureen easily since the only location in France in the DC Universe is the area surrounding the Eiffel Tower. Savage allows them to use his helicopter to get to his jet which he's letting them borrow. He's decided to walk to wherever he's going next (Pandora #10!) because he can live the Frank Black song, "All My Ghosts."

Immediately upon arriving in India (or possibly after days of searching. Soule knows enough to leave out the boring shit and just get to the next important bit), Alec finds the Sureen. It's just one old man that he's never met before. Well duh! If Alec had met the actual Sureen, he'd be having oral sex right now with Pistil instead of hunting for his escaped body.

Oh yeah. This old guy is the real deal!

The Fake Sureens stole The Swamp Thing so they could turn his body into a never ending resource for pharmaceuticals. They could use the body to feed the entire world but where's the money in that? Pills are where the cash is!

Finally, it turns out the woman that took Alec out to celebrate his return to humanity might be Abigail Arcane. She has gross stuff inside her just like Alec has plants inside him. Although I have gross stuff inside me too and I'm not an Avatar! I don't think.

Swamp Thing #30 Rating: +1 Ranking. Charles Soule keeps finding ways to remind people that super hero comic books don't have to be filled with people in leotards punching each other in the face to be an interesting and entertaining comic book. Swamp Thing feels more like a Vertigo title than it has since The New 52 began. The only thing I'd change (if I could be assured the change would make the comic better because it's already pretty damn good and any change is more likely to make it worse) is the tone. I do enjoy my Swamp Thing filled with horror elements.

I also think this comic book could create some good spin-offs! Lady Weeds. Wolf. Brother Jonah and Capucine. Capucine and Vandal Savage. Soule is writing some terrific characters. I'm a fan.