Friday, April 18, 2014

Ms. Marvel #3

I think I'm like getting the hang of doing these comic book review thingies? At first I thought they were going to be like doing book reports or history reports or something, you know? First I'd have to read something I didn't want to read and then I'd have to write something interesting to say about the thing I barely paid any attention to while reading in the first place? But Kamala is such an adorable girl and she, like, dresses so cute, you know? So I look forward to reading Ms. Marvel! Why does it only come out once a month? It's, like, so hard to read a story that keeps getting interrupted and then you can't read the next part for practically forever? It seems like a really bad business model! How have comics lasted for like twenty years or whatever?

Anyway-Z, last issue, Kamala was totally grounded for going to a party with alcohol and boys (awesome! Not the grounding part! The part with the boys! Also not so much the alcohol part. Ick!) and then getting home late because she took a detour into some mists that gave her shape-shifting super powers? Those powers would be the best because you could change the shape of your feet and wear any pair of adorable shoes you could find! Score!

Oh my God! I just love Zoe Zimmer for some reason!

Kamala is like all over the news now in her white girl Ms. Marvel form? So I guess that's lucky since she's already in huge trouble for sneaking out and if her parents saw her on television in that short skirt, she'd probably be grounded for like a year? But she's still allowed to go to church unless it's called going to someplace else in Islam? Actually she's going to Saturday Youth Lecture starring Sheikh Abdullah! That sounds boring! At the lecture, Kamala meets up with her friend Nakia where they have to sit behind a screen with the other women while the men sit with the male lecturer out of sight?

Actually, men and women were probably allowed to sit together because it was a more rational and science-minded time for people of the Middle East. Just like forty years ago was a more rational and science-minded time for the people of the United States, amirite?

Later at school, Kamala's powers freak out on her again. Her hand goes all big and then all tiny and then she goes all big and stuff? Nobody sees her or anything, so she still has a secret identity and stuff? Although if someone did see Kamala change shape, she could just change her look to look like the person looking at her and then she could change her shape to look like Bjork or something and then Kamala can totally deny being Ms. Marvel! Like, she can say, "What are you talking about? Ms. Marvel obviously just stole my look to be cool and shiz? You know?"

Kamala practices controlling her shape-shifting powers while in the girl's locker room. She also practiced destroying stuff with her large mass which could be a problem?

Mostly because she can't seem to control her powers whenever she panics?

After school, Kamala goes over to the Circle Q to tell her friend Bruno how angry she is at him for ratting her out to her parents and squealing and being a no-good snitch and a lousy friend. So she starts thinking about how this new power is going to change her? Is she still the same person? What kind of responsibility goes with her great power? Is she a woman now? All the same stuff that goes through your mind when you, well, you know. And then she walks into the convenience store in the middle of a Red Alert Uncle Ben Situation!

Oh come on. I might not read comics but I've seen like both Spider-man movies! Everybody knows about Uncle Ben Situations! Like, duh!

Besides, it's just Bruno's bald brother trying to scam some cash out of the store? Probably?

Unlike that wussy nerd Peter Parker, Kamala steps up to the plate and yells "Hike!" when great responsibility is called for! She will save Bruno's life and then get kisses on the lips in gratitude! Maybe even some second base action! I know what second base is in sex talk but what the hell is it in actual sports talk?

Kamala goes all blonde white girl and blasts into the front of the convenience store, like causing more than $100 in damages? Like she just cost the store more money than Bruno's brother needed for his nefarious purposes with someone called The Inventor? So she's just like The Goop Dorked Batman!

Bruno reminds me I want to watch Bill and Ted's for like the zillionth and a third time?

And just when Kamala is saving the day and thinks she has everything under control (like she has anything under control at all, amirite?!), she gets shot in the stomach by Bruno's stupid brother. Hopefully she's learned how to shape-shift her important internal organs out of the way of bullets! Or can shape-shifter's simply heal if they don't die immediately since they can just reform their wounds and junk, right? Oh! Speaking of reforming their junk! Guys would be like so totally irresponsible with this power!

And that's where this issue ends? So I have to wait a full month to find out if Kamala dies or not? Since this is part three of a five part story, I'm going to climb up a fence and guess that she doesn't die! Although she might lose the baby! She did nearly kiss a guy at the party, so she could be pregnant!

That was a joke! I know all the intricate details that lead to pregnancy and good feelings!

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