Here's hoping this title can find its own voice before it's yanked into a bunch of DC crossovers where it plays second fiddle to the crossover's plot, loses all semblance of its own identity, and crashes in a burning, flaming, toxic heap of suck. You know, like what DC did to Justice League of America.
Although that woman that looks like a refugee from the Legion of Super-heroes might be tinted a bit brown. Or else she's slightly pinker! It's hard to tell. I guess J'onn is green, so that's diversity, right? Except have you noticed that when he disguises himself as a human, it's usually a Caucasian? Probably because he doesn't want to be hassled by the cops when he's in disguise.
This issue's story is called "Justice League Canada" and it's part one of a five part story. So it seems like Justice League United will be about Justice Leagues all over the world? Each time a new one is spotlighted, we'll get a new little flag image in the "D" of United? That seems like a pretty good idea. And starting with Canada, it eases people into the idea since most of the members of a Canadian Justice League will be Americans and/or aliens and/or hockey players.
This issue introduces Adam Strange for the first time to The New 52, and his wife Alanna. I mean his girlfriend! No way is DC going to allow two members of Team Canada to be married, right? For some reason, Green Arrow was still wanted and Supergirl is not a Red Lantern. Also, everybody is alive, so I guess Forever Evil ended on a happy note.
The issue also begins three days in the future and millions of light years away from Earth. You know what that means, right? Time to flash back to the present!
Why the fuck did this series begin with Issue Zero?! Especially since it's Part One of Five? Stupid!
Dr. Adam Strange found an oddly shaped skull (which Stargirl immediately judges as "gross" because she can't help judging everyfuckingbody by their looks) and a device that he knows nothing about. So a device that he probably shouldn't have brought with him to a convention full of people! Also a device that probably shouldn't have gotten through security unless it had been under the arm of an attendee in a Tank Girl cosplay. The device, of course, turns out to be dangerous. Or at least unpredictable.
The Sleestak cosplay is the best cosplay ever.
That isn't sweet at all! It's a breach of trust! It's an abuse of the teacher/student relationship!
While Keewahtin (or whatever her super hero name will end up being if she's more like Apache Chief and less like Shazam) realizes she just hallucinated the Whitago (or had a vision or something), Animal Man, Stargirl, and Adam Strange are attacked by aliens speaking gibberish. They're saved by Green Arrow and Martian Manhunter, as unlikely as Green Arrow saving anybody sounds.
Buddy Baker and I have things in common.
After Buddy proves he's too civilized to respond to Green Arrow's comments, the super heroes discover aliens beneath the surface. They're planning bad things! I think according to the beginning of this comic, they plan on birthing a destroyer of worlds! Isn't that always the way? That's why I'm guessing it! Because it's always the way!
The villain behind it all: BYTH!
Alanna has been captured by Byth and placed in a cell with dozens of other captives. Byth sends his main man to dispose of the captives. That main man is actually the Twat Main Man, Twat Lobo. And before he can kill all of the prisoners, he'll have to kill the biggest prisoner of them all!