Thursday, April 17, 2014

Batman #30

Remember the golden days of our youth when this story began? I think Clinton was in office.

Hey readers! We should start a book club. Let's start a Book Club Tumblr where we can discuss books! Somebody else create it and I'll give it my Stamp of Objective Cosmic Approval. Plus the first book we should read is Twilight! Does it have sexy scenes in it or should I put my underwear back on? Actually, the first book we should read in our new Book Club is Stanislaw Lem's Fiasco simply because it's sitting on the bookshelf looking at me and whispering, "Why haven't you read me yet, Tess?" Shut up, book! I don't have the time for stories without pictures! Sheesh.

Previously in Batman the Unanimated Series, The Riddler curb stomped Gotham City. Batman wasn't very happy about it. Also the people who died weren't very happy about it. This issue, Batman begins saving the city because it's The Final Act. Also because it's about fucking time, you Bat-Loser.

Remember how this whole thing began a long time ago with Bruce Wayne on a dirt bike and some kid helping him out somehow? I forget how! But I think the story is finally getting back to that point. After a brief foray into the past where Batman's date begins menstruating from her forehead.

Batman wakes up under the care of the kid he saved about 150 issues ago. It was the kid that informed Bat-Bruce that The Riddler thought he was dead. But now Bruce has awakened to a new Gotham! One where The Riddler controls the power and everything is overrun by vines and vegetation and kudzu due to the flood and maybe other Pamelaesque reasons.

Batman is probably thinking, "I must save the city." Bruce Wayne is thinking, "Wayne Landscaping and Organic Waste Disposal!"

Bruce contacts Alfred who, as confident as he is in Bruce's abilities, still doesn't seem to understand that Batman doesn't lose. He and everybody else will learn that lesson soon enough! But for now, Alfred suggests Bruce flee the city to bring in outside help. I'm surprised Bruce doesn't fire him on the spot. The nerve of that butler. To think Batman can't beat The Riddler. THE RIDDLER, for Criminy Sake! He's a literal joke! Maybe not a literal joke. I think a riddle is technically a joke! It's a specialized joke!

If you really want to train your brain to beat The Riddler, you should be doing Cryptic Crosswords, kid.

Commissioner Gordon has brought in a special forces team to work with him to defeat The Riddler. But we all know that's not going to do anything except get five special forces guys killed. This kid with the riddle probably won't save the city either although that would be the sappy, sentimental way to go. More likely, this kid gave Batman an idea revolving around the answer to the kid's crossword clue combined with a riddle that will challenge The Riddler. I don't know what that entails yet because Batman is the protagonist and he has a direct line to Snyder's plot! I'm just an outsider wondering when Batman is going to put his Batsuit back on and start throwing Batarangs.

But on this day (as opposed to all the other days that weren't documented in a comic book), a challenger stands up before The Riddler! Everybody knows he's going to fail but we can't understand the risk Batman or Batman's little friend are willing to take unless we see the consequences of asking a question which The Riddler can answer. So, Bob Chee, Challenger. It's time to fail!

Come on, The Riddler! You can't answer riddles that never finish getting asked? How long before people watching start thinking the game is rigged? Unless they get to hear the whole thing, they can assume you just spat out some bullshit answer and then killed the challenger! You arrogant buffoon!

After Bob's failure, The Riddler catches Gordon and his Special Forces team in the act of rebellion. The Special Forces guys puss out and betray Gordon but The Batman saves them all anyway by showing he's beginning to understand how The Riddler works. And that's really all I have to say about that issue.

Batman #30 Rating: No change. I find I don't often have a lot to say about this book. It's Batman! It's Gotham! There are riddles! Next!

Riddle me this, Batman: How many errors can you find in this copy for DC Comics All Access blurb for April 16th, 2014?!

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