In which Doctor Light gets deep inside Superman.
It's easier to just point out places where a good joke can be made than actually taking the time to think up something funny. It also seems to be fairly acceptable humor for average people, so I'll stick with it!
I guess Forever Evil: Blight is over? And since Superman is in this, he survived Forever Evil and Doomed. Unless this is a flashback episode. I actually don't care how it falls into continuity. I just hope it's a well told story about the Man of Steel because those seem really hard to do in the era of The New 52.
Exactly! You should have super anxiety.
Anyway, Superman doesn't have to worry about himself. He knows he'll be fine. And even if he isn't, he's not worried about dying while trying to help everybody else. But I imagine he'd feel anxious about keeping everybody in the entire world safe from everybody else in the entire world. He would be worried about failing constantly because he can't be everywhere at once. And even if he could go back in time like his movie version, I think he might cause some paradoxes if six billion versions of himself suddenly showed up at the same time.
My point is Superman seems like a worrier to me. It's why Batman calls him Mr. Whiskers.
Superman is currently hanging out on the roof of some building in Metropolis thinking about how psychics are frauds when he's unexpectedly visited by the Ghost of Doctor Light and the Ghosts of A Bunch of Other Dead People. They all claim to have been killed by Superman. I suppose Superman did kill Doctor Light although it wasn't intentional. But he was the one walking around with loaded eyeballs, so he's kind of responsible for what happens to people when the eyeballs suddenly go off in somebody's face. The other ghosts are probably just people that died thinking, "Why wasn't Superman around to save me?! That bastard!"
Meanwhile in New York City, The Phantom Stranger looks out of a window in post-coital bliss with Zauriel who's dressed only in a bath towel.
Somebody ring a fucking bell already. Poor wingless Zauriel.
I don't think that's a good enough excuse, Superman. If your powers are that dangerous and they can be manipulated by other people, you've got to figure out how to lock them down. Especially since you're so susceptible to magic and mind control. You bear some of the responsibility in Doctor Light's death.
The other ghosts are citizens of Metropolis who are angry that Superman couldn't figure out a way to stop death. Bunch of selfish assholes. Guess what? Superman has a list just like Santa Claus. But Superman actually does know what you're thinking. I mean, as long as you think out loud. I bet he knows every citizen that's ever badmouthed him. When a disaster hits, he probably sets up his triage by the names on that list. "Let's see, Mr. Maxwell Clark is being ravaged by rabid dogs. But he once called me a 'Super Twat,' so I think I'll help get little Clarissa May's cat out of the tree instead."
Superman forgets the lesson he learned from his father about not being able to save everybody and to just be content in being able to do what he can. As long as he's always trying his best, that's as much as he can ask of himself. Until now! Now Superman is going to forget the lessons of his father and decide it's once again time that he learn how to save everybody always. Death shall die this day!
While I don't think Superman should feel guilty about people dying since that's how the fucking world works, he really should feel bad about the Doctor Light incident.
"And it was exhilarating!"
Superman allows Doctor Light to punish him. He once burned Doctor Light to ashes, so now he allows Doctor Light to try to do the same to him. And so Superman is bathed in fire, perhaps baptized by it so as to be reborn?
"While I was burning in ectoplasmic napalm, I remembered the death of my parents already taught me this lesson. But thanks for the reminder!"
Metropolis and Superman are safe now but it looks San Francisco and Cassandra Craft are the next victims on the Sin Eater's list. Plus next issue guest stars a very special Barn Owl!
This could probably be made into a really funny Madame Xanadu's vagina joke.