Worlds' Finest #21

At least this would solve Earth 2's problem.

While my first grade years were filled with doing nothing but winning one ribbon (a ribbon that summed up my life so far in just one word: WIN. Also, I think the ribbon was once again for picnicking), I really came into my own as a nature lover in second grade.

It's fitting that a raccoon was the mascot of the nature club I joined since, like raccoons, I spend most of my time in the city.

I wonder if this sticker will still stick to glass. It's one of those ancient things that you had to dip in water and apply to surfaces. Sticker technology bit ass when I was a youngster! My Ranger Rick sticker also came with a membership card with the pledge on the back!

I think I failed Ranger Rick in all aspects of his pledge.

I don't think I was very good at being a nature lover. I just wanted the magazine because it had games and pictures of cute animals. I was also quite busy earning my most important award in second grade.

This one didn't come with a pledge but I'm fairly certain I'm still excellent at it. I'm also proud to note I did two tours of Hooter Recognition duty.

Second grade was the only grade of school when I had a young female teacher. Even at the age of seven, I could see the cracks forming in her young, idealistic, optimistic belief that she was going to mold these young minds into respectable, curious, creative individuals. I'm not sure how long she lasted but the fact that one of her students was an arsonist that would often burn papers inside his desk during class might have freaked her out a bit. She might also have been disturbed by my penchant for pointing at her breasts. But hey! It was apparently my gold-star earning duty!

Anyway, let's get back to First Contact where Batman and Superman and Power Girl and The Huntress have just witnessed Kaizen Gamorra Jr open a portal to Earth 2. Power Girl must be pissed since she's been trying to do this for five years with little success! Oh, by the way, I recognize that Power Girl has some hooters. Don't be discouraged if you didn't recognize them. You didn't earn a gold star for it in second grade. I'm a hooter recognizing savant.

Gamorra. Gammora. Whatever. Why should I expect DC to get the name of this island right when they can't even tell the difference between The Arctic and Antarctica?

Power Girl really wants to go through the portal and return home, no matter how horrific the place currently looks. But nobody else wants her to enter it. Well, Kaizen Gamorra Jr wants her to enter it but I think that's just further reason that she shouldn't enter it!

The portal gives Kaizen Gamorra Jr some kind of amazing Omega Powers while R.B. Silva draws everyone with pouty, middle-aged facial features. I mean middle-aged faces that aren't quite as striking to gaze at as my middle-aged facial features. I look like I'm not older than forty two. Maybe because I am forty two. But my hooter recognizing abilities are still as sharp as when I was seven!

To test out the portal, Power Girl suplexes Kaizen Gamorra Jr through it.

If I'd taken high school wrestling, this would have been my signature move. But I'd have added tacos to it.

With the portal still raging dangerously open behind them, Superman and Batman decide they've won and are ready to find a sunset to walk into. But Power Girl still thinks they should enter the portal. The Huntress, showing how fucking smart she is, raises the same concerns that I did. How did Kaizen Gamorra Jr open a portal to Earth 2 when neither The Huntress nor Power Girl could? And they had access to the third smartest man on Earth's technology! And no way is Kaizen Gamorra Jr taking up the #1 or #2 smartest person on Earth. Those spots are probably taken by Lex Luthor and, even though I don't want to give her the spot because she was created by Lobdell (I think), "Doctor" Veritas the Omniologist. But there's no talking Power Girl out of it because she's super stubborn.

Those "strange organ structures" are called ovaries, Clark.

The Huntress decides she'll go with Power Girl instead of doing the smart thing and investigating a bit further. But before they can enter the portal, before Batman can tell them they're stupid doo-doo heads, before even Superman can fly around the Earth really fast and go back in time to stop the portal from opening, a gigantic version of Kaizen Gamorra Jr steps through the portal, followed by Power Girl's Flip the Fuck Out Cousin.

He doesn't love her! He just wants to turn her into Flip the Fuck Out Power Girl!

Parademons also fly through to battle Superman and Batman. Superman thinks about how he isn't at full strength with the nanites still in his system which makes no sense since the nanites made his power uncontrollable. But what do I care if something doesn't make sense? It's probably just my inability to understand it. Just like I thought Cliven Bundy's statements yesterday were racist. But then he provided some more racist statements to prove that he wasn't racist at all! Which made no sense to me but he assured me he wasn't racist, so there's probably something wrong with the way I hear and sort information.

Superman also mentions that the armor is cracking and breaking even though he earlier mentioned how it was nice to not have the armor anymore and that the nanites were nearly gone. I don't think Greg Pak and Paul Levitz should be allowed to write stories together anymore because they're not making any sense.

Anyway, the parademons are defeated whether or not Superman is wearing armor or is full of nanites or knows what ovaries are. And The Huntress destroys the portal after Kaizen Gamorra Jr steps through but before Power Girl can. Which doesn't sit well with Power Girl because somebody needs to talk some serious sense into her.

"Weird as it may have been"? That's your concern? That Earth 2 was "weird." How about that it was on fire and full of parademons and run by a fucked up version of Superman?! That seems more dangerous than weird!

Batman and Superman leave The Huntress and Power Girl to argue about losing their only chance to get home. Superman apparently still has Toymaker's armor on and he's still infected with nanites despite what was said previously in this issue and what happened in Batman Loves Superman #9. I don't care though. I've stopped caring about minor issues like this. How can I complain about a misstep in a story when Scott Lobdell and Ann Nocenti are still ruining monthly comic book series? I need to keep things in perspective and save my rage for more deserving targets.

Worlds' Finest #21 Rating: No change. At least this comic book was on time! I wonder how many readers simply decided to not pick up Batman Loves Superman #9 because they'd already read the conclusion of the story? I bet the number was pretty close to zero because I don't know too many comic book fans that can skip issues of a series they're collecting. I'm sure it bugs the hell out of people to flip through their back issue boxes and notice gaps in the numbering of the comics they've collected. It's bugging me just thinking about it!