Grayson #8

Enter the Grayson.

All of DC's comic books are wrapping up story arcs this month to make way for Convergence. So what plot points will Grayson wrap up so that the readers don't feel like they have to remember the story for three months before it continues? Will Spyral find the last of Paragon's body parts? Will Midnighter and Dick Grayson become best friends? Will Mister Minos's secret identity will be revealed? Will Helena sit all over Dick's face while Batman listens in on the clock radio signal like a big perv? Maybe all of those things will have to happen? I'd like Dick to get a visit from Damian while Damian can still fly. Damian will totally try to impress Dick by floating outside his window and Dick will just be all, "Hey Damian. Want to come in for some hot chocolate?" And Damian will be all, "You can't even die right, idiot." And Dick will be all, "Look who's talking." And Damian will be all, "At least we both did it better than Todd, right?"

This issue begins two scenes alternating panels. The first scene shows Minos speaking with a woman that is most likely Lois Lane. Unless she's the Galician version of Lois Lane. Maybe she's Dick Grayson in disguise. Maybe Mister Minos is Dick Grayson in disguise! Anyway, he's revealing all of the secret identities that Spyral has uncovered including Superman's. The other scene is Mister Minos speaking with Helena about trust and loyalty and secrets. If the conversation is separate from the other scene, he could very well be scolding her for keeping secrets. If the two conversations are meant to be read together then Mister Minos is betraying Spyral. But then Mister Minos wears the Hypnos that hides his face, so neither or both of them could be Mister Minos! I'm sure one of them is Dick Grayson. Somebody in these two scenes is probably Dick Grayson!

Anyway, the scenes end with Helena being shot in the chest by Mister Minos with her own crossbow. I guess these scenes will make more sense once I've read through the comic book.

The next couple pages are more understandable even though it's still full of people not quite talking about what they're actually talking about. Fucking Spyral!

So much masturbating going on at this school.

Doctor Netz, Otto's daughter (granddaughter? Hard to say since he was so old and I don't remember if it was mentioned previously because I'm so old), interrupts all the young girls' fantasies by rushing in with Helena in her arms. Helena has a crossbow bolt sticking out of her chest. She lets Dick know that Minos did this and that Dick needs to go protect Agent 1. Then she passes out.

I guess that means that in the earlier scene Mister Minos really is the guy giving away the secrets to Lois Lane! But that means Lois Lane must be Dick Grayson!

The hot-to-trot-for-Dick's-ass girls follow him to the chapel to watch his butt in action as he saves Agent 1's life. Or maybe they think they can help. Hopefully they'll get there in time! Or not. What do I care if Agent 1 dies? I don't even remember who that is!

Paragon is a heartless bastard. Literally! His heart is still in Arabic Superbaby!

Paragon seems to be a version of Amazo. It has all the powers of the Justice League. And somehow the organs helped Spyral to identify the members of the Justice League. Have his organs been cloned from the heroes? And even if they were, how does he have Green Lantern's light construct power or Cyborg's lasers? Oh wait! I know the answer to this one! Comic books!

Dick teaches Agent 1 how to effectively defeat each member of the Justice League as they battle Paragon. Now there are at least three people that can take down the Justice League single handed!

Dick realizes that the secret to defeating Paragon lies in the missing heart. And that means he needs a gun for some reason! Probably to shoot Paragon in its silly old non-super-powered heart! Batman would frown on that. I mean he'd frown more than he usually frowns.

Horny girls to the rescue!

Mister Minos taunts Dick because he's pretty sure Dick doesn't kill (zombie super powered clone monsters being the exception, I guess). So he's all, "Nyah nyah! I still know lots of secrets! I'm going to blab them all over!" And then Helena's crossbow is all, "Twang!" And Mister Minos is all, "I die!"

But he didn't really die! It was all another manipulation! A trick! A deception! A bamboozle! A dick pull!

And being Spyral, it was a double dick pull!

The fake Lois Lane turns out to be the legendary Agent 0! That means it's probably Kathy Kane. You can tell by the lipstick. She kills Minos before he can reveal his identity which he desperately wants to do. Poor guy. He wasn't even granted the right to explain himself. I'm pretty sure that's a violation of super villain union rules. Not that Agent 0 cares about rules! She makes up the rules as she goes along and then breaks them as she goes along further. She's crazy! But now that she has Dick Grayson in her web, what does she have planned for him? Stay tuned in June for more adventures of Dick Grayson's butt cheeks!

Grayson #8 Rating: +1 Ranking. I like how these first eight issues feel like a mini-series. And now it's time to move on to another chapter in the life of Jacques de Constamment, Professor of Acrobatics! I wonder if the four horny girls that keep chasing him around will eventually spin off into their own comic book: Young Horny Spider Women of Spyral.

This issue was worthy of a Gillian Anderson photo cut out from TV Guide many, many years ago.