Batman Eternal #49

So crashing a military plane into Bane isn't murder?

I am furious with technology right now. The ceiling of my office almost had a fist-sized hole in it due to my frustration with either my computer or every web browser in existence. But I learned in my anger management classes that I pretend I took that hitting something that wasn't the cause of your anger will only get you thrown in jail. Also hitting the thing that is the cause of your anger will get you thrown in jail. Did you realize that violence is actually frowned upon? Isn't this America?! I'm fairly certain that the Seventeenth Amendment gives me the right to solve problems with violence.

So I dumped Firefox a few weeks ago because it was slowly stealing away my life in tiny increments as I waited for the browser to stop "not responding" after every fucking time I interacted with it. Now Chrome is sucking away my soul in much the same way which is why I'm beginning to look side-eyed at my computer. Is it really time for a new laptop?! Fucking technology. Stop changing so rapidly. Or if you are going to change this rapidly, can you please supply me with a laptop that evolves along with software capabilities? Thanks!

When you have issues with technology, who do you pray to? Isn't God just like, "Um...I don't know. Did you try turning it off and then on again? How about sacrificing your first born child? No, no! Not Isaac, you idiot! Ishmael! I'm beginning to see your problem now! You don't follow directions!" Of course that's a scene based on Western religious texts. Of course Ishmael was the one taken up the mountain to be sacrificed if you're reading the Quran. Although the Quran doesn't help its cause by not specifically naming the child. In the King James Bible, God tells Abraham to take his only son Isaac. See? That book made sure to name Isaac so nobody would be confused but Abraham never had an only son that was Isaac. The only time he had an "only son" was with Ishmael before Isaac was born. So somebody got this scene wrong and I don't want to be a blasphemer so I won't say God was that somebody! My bet is on the western peoples trying to kick Ishmael under the rug.

You know who else has "sacrificed" a "son" to a "madman"?! That's right! Batman! That's also right! I just called God a madman!

This issue begins with the riot in Blackgate. Sealing Jim Gordon away in Blackgate hasn't worked out according to plan. So now the Evil Mr. (or Mrs.) Smarty Pants behind this whole Batman Eternal thing wants Jim dead. And he's using The Penguin to do his (or her!) dirty work.

Although The Penguin is still just a little runt that goes "WAUGH!" as he gets his ass beat.

Look, Jim. Stop trying to be Rorschach. You're no Rorschach. Hell, you're barely even Nite Owl! You're not even the Holland Mason version of Nite Owl which is the worse version because he's older and sexually frustrated. And it's not like every comic book fan that doesn't want to be called a fake comic book fan doesn't already know that whole "you're in here with me" line! It was the best line Kelly ever delivered! I wish he had said it during the big game against the Yankees!

Jim hogties The Penguin to prep him for interrogation. Gordon is going to find out who The Penguin is working for or else I'm going to have to keep buying this comic book for a few more months. I'm finally pro-torture! Please get the information out of him however you can, Jim, just so I can save a few bucks not having to buy more of these comic books.

Meanwhile, the Batkids need Batman's help! Penny-Three has completely fucked them and now they're all up against the ropes trying to defeat villains all over Gotham. Also, Penny-Three is Hush. And he might be losing his job soon because Penny-Two has found a new Batcomputer in Red Robin's secret hangout, The Robin's Nest. Jesus, Tim. Do you have to do everything like Batman?

Spoiler spoils my good time by throwing in a superfluous literally.

I complain about the overuse of "literally" a lot but I want to make something clear. I don't care if it's being used "correctly" or not. The problem is that it's being overused for no purpose whatsoever. It's the current "very" of our lexicon. It's simply being added every time somebody wants to add some kind of emotional weight to their statement. It's akin to saying something is very unique. At this point, the speaker has decided that the literal definition of unique doesn't exemplify the uniqueness of the item in question. So you add very to make the listener aware of just how unique the item in question is. Of course, unique itself already takes care of that. So now instead of eating breakfast five minutes ago, people "literally ate breakfast five minutes ago." Um. Okay. Good for you! You've changed nothing in that statement! The only thing you've accomplished by adding "literally" to that statement is making me vomit in my mouth a little bit. Now if that was your intended goal, kudos! You used the word appropriately!

I also understand that I'm probably in the minority and that it's simply a pet peeve of mine. Using literally figuratively or literally doesn't bother me so much as how many people use the word as a crutch in their every day language. But most people probably never even notice because it has become so ubiquitous. I figure it'll be around for awhile and then some new word will crop up in its place to express urgency and excitement whenever you tell stories about the most mundane things you've experienced during your day. "No, you don't get it! I literally sat at the light for less than a second before the guy began honking his horn and literally gave me PTSD!"

Back at the Batcave, Penny-Three learns that you don't fuck around with Penny-One and Penny-Two.

But is this just part of the Ultimate Bad Guy's Master Plan?! Or is Hush really down for good?

The Radio Free Gotham comes back online with Penny-One and Penny-Two playing all the rock-n-roll hits of yesterday and today but not quite in time. The Batkids are all having trouble dealing with their threats. But luckily Batman decides to reenact the cover on the last page of the book. Surprise! The thing on the cover was true and it spoiled the ending! But since most covers never show things that actually happen in the comic book, it's not really a spoiler because did anybody actually expect Batman to fly a jet into Bane?

Batman Eternal #49 Rating: No change. Characters keep mentioning how things are nearly at an end but things aren't ending! When is Batman going to be naked and tied to the Batsignal while Gotham burns? Probably fairly soon since Gotham is currently burning. I bet Mirage is behind it all! What if Snyder and the Gang reveal the culprit is an entirely new enemy?! That would piss off everyone! I would love it!