In honor of the two or three intelligent readers of this blog (y'all can fight over which of you are which), this will be a serious review.
What if we decide that the "futures" in the title are the futures of every single character in this series which takes place in the DC Universe's future. That means that these characters' future live will end once Terry McBatman goes back in time five years, makes a house call to Bruce Wayne, and says, "Dude. I've got a message from your future self. He says, 'That Brother Eye project? Bad idea. Kill it. And if you don't believe this message is from you, let me tell you something you've never told anybody: you fucked Talia al Ghul in the ass that night she tried to drug you even though you're immune to all drugs (especially Rohypnol. Thanks Alfred!) and so you suspected she was up to something which means she harvested your semen out of her ass to create Damian which probably explains quite a few things about that kid.' Eww. Gross! Is that true?" Then Bruce will invite Terry McBatman in for some extra strong Rohypnol Tea before sending him out on his own to start his own comic book series.
So those are the futures that end! All the ones that appear in this book! I bet even the Twofers coming over from the disaster in Worlds End will be treated better than they were in the past of this comic book. Anyway, this is as serious as I get! Damian being a butt baby is a legitimate fucking theory!
And since none of the stories will, in the end, actually matter, the only real purpose of this series is to get Terry McGinnis set up in the DC Universe. But not just Terry! All of them! All of the characters that have starred in failed comic book series. Firestorm has a new look and a fresh attitude and is named after the best High Voiced Boy of them all: Madison! Amethyst has a quest to restore Gemworld. Grifter has a new family ready to protect Earth from robots in disguise. Stormwatch and SHADE are now being run by Ray Palmer. Voodoo and her pals Banger, Mash, and Mercy are ready to take on covert missions for Sgt. Frank Rock (who is going to have an insect baby soon). Blue Beetle will...oh wait. Jaime hasn't actually been in any issue except the zero issue. Oh well, I'm sure he'll figure something out. Anyway, all these characters are geared for another stab at a monthly title. And so what if these future reimaginings don't mesh very well with the current New 52 books because isn't DC going to just kind of shrug their shoulders over hard line continuity come June? At least I hope that will be the case!
So this book begins with Brother Eye informing the world that he's taken over everything.
Are all these people just going to take this?
Or everybody just loses technology and we go back to a non-networked world. Surely we can all give up a continuous feed of LOLcats so that we can retain our free will and freedom, right? And not everybody needs to read the Tweet about the joke you just made to your buddies at Applebee's, do they? And I think all of your relatives can do without pictures of your name spelled incorrectly on your Stabuck's cup. Can't they?!
Shit. Maybe that's why Brother Eye was so successful.
So Batman, Mister Terrific, and Ray Palmer are trying to shut down Brother Eye at Terrifitech and having no luck. Also they're not doing so great against the hordes of zombie robots shuffling toward them. But that's when
Should they really be using first names? Just on principle. You never know when Lois Lane will be skulking about.
A.L.F.R.E.D. puts Bruce in his place just like the real Alfred! He's all, "Sorry, Master Bruce. Your muscle mass is far too muscular for you to use the time belt. It must be scrawny old Tim Drake who uses it and saves the world." And then Mister Terrific tells them they will be powering the time travel belt with Firestorm. Which is when Tim finally figures out that Madison is still alive.
Gross. That latex face mask still has Plastique spit all over it.
Oh? So where will Earth-2's refugees wind up?! I guess they'll have to wind up on one of the Mystery Earths.
I guess Brother Eye realized he wouldn't be able to resist sending the beacon to the Earth-2 refugees and thus plummeting Earth-Main-Earth into another war with Apokolips, so he kills himself instead. Isn't that a little dramatic, Bro (I'm not just being a douche! That's short for Brother Eye!)? Actually he blows himself up just in case Mister Father somehow detects his presence. Also Brother Eye just felt dirty having been written by Dan Didio during the OMAC months.
Brother Eye's last act is to send Tim Drake back to whatever future replaces the one from which he came. Probably one where Madison is all, "Eww! Do I know you? Perv!"
Or a future that makes him exclaim, "No way!" Probably because it's full of vampires. Or Titans Towers.
Damien as an ass baby huh? I guess that explains his shitty attitude when first appeared then huh?;)
ReplyDelete