Monday, March 23, 2015

Futures End #46

So Terry McBatman's upcoming comic book is going to be about a corpse? I'm in!

Last issue ended with Brother Eye having learned petulance which led to Batman learning remorse and led to Mister Terrific learning that some people get off on sticking things into their dickholes. If that synopsis were true, I'd expect every third panel in this issue to cut back to Mister Terrific looking perplexed and going, "Really?!"

If anybody reading this lives in Seattle, I have a great dessert place to recommend to you! I forget the name of it and the name of the neighborhood where it's located but they serve the most fucking delicious desserts I've ever had. You should try it sometime! Tell them I sent you!

See that second panel? Mister Terrific is imagining how he'd go about shoving something into his urethra.

Does anybody remember the episode of "In Search Of" entitled "In Search of The Gaping Dickhole"? Leonard Nimoy at his finest! He had a way of presenting men inserting bigger and bigger rods into their dickholes that kept the subject dignified. My particular favorite episode was the one in search of ancient astronauts from Sirius B but I was always extremely happy if it was the one with the Loch Ness Monster or the dickhole guys.

Terry McBatman introduces himself properly to Batman McBatman so he can warn him about Brother Eye's fucked up future world.

Terry: "Wonder Woman looks like a fucking spider and Frankenstein has Black Canary's face in his chest! It's totally disgusting!"
Batman: "Hey! Aquaman was telling me about that! He said one of The Losers has visions or something and saw some crazy ass shit like that! I totally believe you're from the future!"
Terry: "Wow! I thought it would be hard to convince you! You from the future said that you from the past would be a complete asshole!"
Batman: "What?! Fuck that guy!"

Meanwhile in Upstate New York, Twofer Lana Lang visits Frank Rock while he's sleeping and lays an egg in his chest. So she's just as gross as I suspected. She's perfect for Grifter!

Susan finds the whole thing awesome which is totally adorable.

The Langs relax at a diner with their work in this comic book series finally done. Susan has the vault of Twofer DNA shrunk down to Barbie size and Cadmus knows not to look for them. If the Lang Family shows up again, I figure it'll be in their own comic series.

Batman McBatman and Terry McBatman decide to fix Terry's time belt so that he (or Bruce) can take one last jump and hit the correct target five years in the past. Then they can delete Brother Eye and cause a time paradox which probably won't matter come June.

Terrifitech is being overrun by zombies and/or people still interested in the uSphere. I'm not sure how to tell them apart. But Firestorm is headed over to help save the day and/or become a power source for Brother Eye. Although she doesn't make it in time to save Terry McBatman who dies battling Joker McBatman. That causes Plastique to leak nitroglycerin out of her eyeballs.

So now that Terry's dead, I guess the future remains unchanged. Brother Eye wins!

Futures End #46 Rating: No change. Here's what's going to happen next! With Terry McBatman dead and no record of Tim Drake in the future, Tim Drake is going to use the Time Belt to go further back in time and save the world. But it will glitch and send him one thousand years into the future where he'll be bitten by a vampire! Being the immortal genius he now is, he'll read every book on the history of the last thousand years and research everybody he's interested in saving in the past. Then he'll take the name Harvest, get in a Time Bubble, and travel back in time to the beginning of The New 52! He establishes NOWHERE as a means to stop Brother Eye from destroying the world. And to obfuscate his true plans, he engages in a bunch of various insanely intricate plans that rely on him losing a few times before winning and then losing and then winning and then losing and so on. Every time he tells somebody that it was part of the plan, it's true! It's all part of the plan to stop Brother Eye! But nobody has any idea that that's what he's up to because nobody has figured out his big clue: the name of his organization, NOWHERE! Ninety Obfuscations While Harvest Eradicates Robot Eye.

No comments:

Post a Comment