Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Supergirl #40

I forget. Which one of these characters was looking for a dick? I mean besides Dorothy.

I probably should have saved my story about the fire on stage while working for a junior theater production of The Wizard of Oz for this issue! But since I already told that story in my Batgirl #22 Review, I'll just mention that I got to play the Great and Powerful Oz in that production! I didn't play the wizard or have any lines or anything. But I did get to be on stage behind the big head running the smoke machine! So I was kind of the wizard. And then when all the kids (I was barely in my twenties and they were all seventeen or eighteen so "kids" is just the technical term) were pretending to search for Toto, they kept looking behind the giant head at me and screaming "Toto?!" in my face.

I mentioned this last time as well but I think it's worth repeating: the Scarecrow from that production went on to star in Julie and Jack, the first film by director James Nguyen of Birdemic! fame. That would be at the top of my resume forever.

Last issue, Supergirl learned the terrible secret of her new college: CLONING! All colleges have terrible secrets but they usually involve hazing and the faculty's penchant for covering up rape charges. I hope The Crucible Academy doesn't allow the Clones to have their own Greek House or this college will also soon have the other usual secrets as well.

I don't understand what makes clones so obedient. Wouldn't they just be a pain in the ass? After their creation, you'd still have to teach them to speak your language and how to use the toilet and how to fire a gun and how most people frown on exposing their genitals to other people in public places. Just hire some mercenaries.

Supergirl's friends Tsavo and Comet teleport into the room and begin kicking ass. Comet sure recovered quickly! How did Tsavo know where to find him? Does Supergirl just give out Mike-hole's address to everybody she meets? "Oh, if you need me, you can probably find me here not sucking Mike's dick at all. Ever." Maybe I wasn't supposed to remember that Kara left Comet snoring in Mike's bed last issue. It's also possible I'm not remembering a scene where Tsavo goes back to get him and Mike's parents are all, "What the fuck is this gigantic, humanoid, feral cat doing in our living room?!"

Tsavo breaks Amata and Maxima out of their pods so that they can help rescue all of the other students. They have to stop the cloning process but Supergirl warns the others to be careful since all the other pods are connected to Kon's pod. But since they just broke Amata and Maxima out of their pods without any problem, why can't they just break open all of the other pods as well? Then nobody will be connected to Kon and they can smash his too! Maybe. I might be making it easier than it really is because comic book logic is anything but logical.

Whoa! Watch the bum, Korstus!

It's never too late to stop the future! It's usually too late to stop the present. And it's always too late to stop the past! That's just how time works! This guy is the worst teacher in the school. I should also be upset that they, once again, made the gay guy the bad guy but I'm not. Also, Korstus might not be gay.

Everybody in the fight is perfectly matched! Teacher battles teacher! Giant humanoid feline battles giant humanoid feline while nearby, beautiful, nearly naked Maxima performs split kicks and boob butt showcases! Comet has nobody to battle because Tsavo pointed out he should be fighting the other cat person so Comet just goes off to think about the hand job he received from Mike. Supergirl is paired with Kon but not in battle. She's busy extricating himself from the cloning machine.

What happens when you clone a clone? Doesn't the product degrade every time you copy anything from another copy of the original source? Maybe they should have just used Supergirl to make their clones. I don't think Korstus thought this through very well. Although he does call them "clonelings." Maybe Clonelings are easier to control than normal clones. And they have the kind of name where you'd expect them not to understand language or toilets.

Kara frees Kon and saves the day. Everybody rejoices except Korstus and Roho because their day was not saved at all. But now the cloneling facility needs to be destroyed so Kara and Kon send everybody away while they blow it up with their non-ridiculous heat vision. If it were cold vision stupid!

Amata promotes herself to the High Council of Whatever and gives her job as Preceptor to Tsavo. He takes on Maxima as Vice Preceptor and the rest of his friends decide to abandon him and the school.

Tsavo and Superboy sitting in a tree!

Hopefully Kara heads back to Earth to live with Silver Banshee and not get an apartment with that awful Mike-hole. How can she not see that he's pure evil?! But before Kara can leave, Maxima tells her that she wants to put her tongue in Kara's butthole. Kara is flattered and happy that she has friends and a place that accepts her for who she is. And Maxima probably won't use her mind powers to put naughty suggestions into Kara's head when they have sleepovers.

Kara returns to her job where Mike stops by for some banana bread and showboating. Go to hell, you asshole! Nobody needs you in this comic book trying to put your wiener in my girlfriend! Go take a long roll down a short pier, fuckface! After taking her break to speak with Mike-hole, Kara goes back to work and pricks her finger while putting her nametag back on. Either the pin on her nametag is made of kryptonite or Mike-hole's fiendish plan has begun! I knew that guy was bad news!

Supergirl #40 Rating: +1 Ranking. It feels like they're beginning a story arc to tone down Supergirl's powers but then I don't know how super Supergirl is going to be if her skin can be pierced by a tiny little needle! It could be some villainous plan or it could just be trying to make her more relatable than her little cousin Superman. I just hope she meets back up with Silver Banshee so she can have a best friend on Earth who isn't trying to bang her. Although the Silver Banshee may have been gay. I forget! If she is, she's better stay away from my Supergirl too!

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