Infinity Man and the Forever People #8

I fixed this cover so that it went the appropriate number of issues.

I have a feeling that whatever happens in this comic book isn't going to matter to anybody. Or it's going to be the single issue that ties Futures End to the DC Universe's present. Or it's just going to be twenty pages stuck together by Dan Didio's cum. Oh man, I hope it's not that last one.

The issue begins with Beautiful Dreamer having a bad dream the way she always has bad dreams. Last night, I dreamt that I completed a ritual that destroyed a Great Old One. I'm just going to assume that I dream future events and just start calling myself a hero due to my future heroic actions.

Beautiful Dreamer just had a dream where she saw Mark Moonrider die. Apparently she doesn't want this to happen even though she had that dream where he was going to betray them all. Serafina walks in just in time to hear that Beautiful Dreamer just had a vision of Mark and she was all, "Um, where did the vision start? I wasn't kissing him or anything, right? I mean, of course I wasn't! And if you saw his dick in my mouth, that was just a normal dream and not a vision at all and I wouldn't worry about it or anything."

Six pages into the comic book and everything about it is lackluster. The art is flat and boring. The characters are flat and boring. The dialogue is flat and boring. The whole thing reads like I only know two ways to describe everything: flat and boring! But it's not my fault! I assure you, it is Infinity Man and the Forever People #8!

I think everybody working on this book just got incredibly bored with it and since they knew it was ending anyway, they just didn't care. Maybe Mark Moonrider will die since nobody fucking cares.

See? This guy totally doesn't fucking care.

The Forever People arrive just in time to see Mark Moonrider killed. Or nearly killed. I bet if they all touch their Mother Box and scream, "Yarhooey!", they can save him! Then Infinity Man will appear for some reason that doesn't make any sense and doesn't really matter.

Can anybody explain why this comic book exists? It's incomprehensible and not entertaining. When will Didio just leave Jack Kirby's works alone? I think he just likes fucking up Kirby's characters (not that they weren't pretty fucked up already. But now they're fucked up in a more modern way). Why else would he allow Ann Nocenti to write Klarion? That's some spiteful, venomous bullshit right there.

Anyway, a boring fight takes place between the Forever People and the Femmes Fatales. I suppose if I put much effort into it, I could figure out which characters are on which side but I don't fucking care. A bald woman stabs a woman all in yellow in the kidneys as she chokes a purple haired woman and another woman in a hat shoots lasers out of her fingers. One side will probably defeat the other side soon. Yay.

This cute little tush was a bright spot during the battle.

Beautiful Dreamer brings Mark Moonrider back to life by leaking the Anti-Life Equation out of her eyeballs. If you were wondering what the Anti-Life Equation was, it's finally been revealed: N=Y where Y equals hope and N equals folly. That's it? Really? Hope and Folly are equal at all times is the Anti-Life Equation? There were some other parts to the equation like love and lies being equal, and life and death being equal, and self and dark side being equal. That last one really seems weird. Plus there was a long string where loneliness added to alienation added to fear and added to despair and then added to self-worth were then divided by mockery divided by condemnation divided by misunderstanding after it had been multiplied by guilt and shame and failure and judgment. Do you feel cheated by this Anti-Life Equation revelation or do you feel like that was some pretty profound bullshit?

Beautiful Dreamer then sends the Femmes Fatales off into space with Lashina and Granny Goodness. Mark Moonrider begins leaking Anti-Life Equation out of his eyes while he sleeps. And Infinity Man appears to Big Bear to let him know that there will be another issue. I guess I'd better stop assuming that all of these comics are ending this month! I can't believe I still have to read one more of these things. At least it's the origin of Infinity Man so maybe it will explain what the fuck is going on just in time for me to not need the information anymore.

Infinity Man and the Forever People #8 Rating: -1 Ranking. Nobody working on this comic book cares anymore so why should I? Not that I ever cared about it anyway. Do writers know that when they're writing about characters that nobody really cares about that they have to establish some means to make the readers care? If this book were about Batman and the Batfamily, at least readers would be emotionally attached to the characters and might respond to the mediocre story taking place. But since these characters are throwaway old school Jack Kirby characters, nobody gives a shit if Mark Moonrider dies or if he betrays Beautiful Dreamer or if Vykin keeps the "black" in front of his name. I think Didio just needs to hang up his typewriter and just concentrate on putting his foot in his mouth during press conferences and interviews.