Please let this be how the series ends.
I love being confident!
No wait! I love pretending to be confident!
No wait! I hate crying into my pillow every night!
Now that I'm done with my rambling introduction, this is the part where I'd normally give a synopsis of the previous Klarion issues. But since I didn't understand any of them at all, an update like that would be useless and, most probably, really fucking mean. And I'm not here to bash Ann Nocenti!
Good thing you can't see my face when I type because I couldn't not smile while typing the last sentence of that last paragraph! I'm actually here to bash her a lot!
Since when did Klarion decide to represent Nature in this battle? Did Ann Nocenti suddenly realize that she should probably mention nature at some point since her theme was technology versus nature?
Klarion and Coal are having a big battle now for some reason. Were they ever at odds before this? Why does Klarion even care? Why is anybody buying this comic book? I guess the colors are pretty. Good job, Guy Major! You're a colorist like Gabe Eltaeb and Jeromy Cox! You guys color things and make them pretty! Oh so pretty! Might I make a suggestion? Can you somehow cover up the word balloons with lots of pretty black ink the next time you color an Ann Nocenti book? No? Because the lettering gets added at a different time? Well then fuck you. You're useless. I'm just going to go buy a black Sharpie.
It's Teekl along with some words that that asshole Guy Major didn't color over. Good for nothing colorist.
Oh my god it is about masturbation! I'm such a fucking idiot!
I might have to apologize to Ann Nocenti! She's a genius!
See?!
Klarwitch crashes to the ground and breaks so that Piper can have a conversation with Klarion about touching himself. I don't know where Rasp and Zell wandered off to since they were in this room with the buddybots just two pages ago.
Geez, Piper! He's being metaphorical! The snake represents his penis!
That part where Piper and Noah were talking about how Klarion needs to banish his past that came up out of nowhere becomes a topic of conversation. And if you really want to know what it's about, you're going to need to do some serious digging in your local comic book stores back issue bins.
I think this that issue of Kirby's The Demon can be found at Billy Galaxy's on Powell Boulevard in Portland, Oregon. But it's super expensive there so I wouldn't recommend purchasing it at that location.
I'm completely lost right now. I wonder if all the assholes that raved about this comic book are still pretending it's a magnificent triumph? I bet they're all blaming its incomprehensibility on editorial interference and the cancellation of the book. Because who would want to blame the introduction of a character and plot point that has somehow become the focal point of the entire series on the writer of the series?
I hope Teekl comes back to life, glances over at Klarion with his detached penis Klarwitch, licks her butt, and says, "Fuck this shit." Then she goes off to star in her own comic book written by anybody else*.
*Not Scott Lobdell.
Something happens and the witches win or something. I'm not sure who they beat. Or why. Or what the point of it all was. But I guess everybody is happy now?
Klarion #6 Rating: -10 Ranking. As you can tell, I stopped trying to figure out what was going on during the last battle. I suppose if I wanted to do more work than just handing over my $2.99, I could make sense of the story. But it would all be my own assumptions and guesses because the story is nonsense. Hopefully this is the last Ann Nocenti book I ever have to read because it stopped being fun about ten Nocenti Catwoman issues ago. She truly is an awful writer.
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