Sunday, March 1, 2015

Futures End #43

Mega-Brainiac was like a god on his home planet but now that he's visiting New York? Simply another Godzillerfield.

It's hard to believe that there are people in the world who enjoy comic books but don't enjoy my blog. What are they doing with their lives? Failing, presumably! This blog is the perfect companion piece to reading DC Comics! Especially if you don't really care that the experience doesn't add anything to your life. It's actually stealing minutes from your life! And you're left no better for the time wasted! Ha ha! You're so going to regret reading this blog on your deathbed.

Oh! But wait! My caption for this first scan will be totally worth it!

He is alive! And he has an erection!

Mega-Brainiac's plan to steal Manhattan has failed because Ray Palmer pulled the old pretend to be obliterated but actually just shrink down to microscopic size ploy which nobody ever expects for some reason. He's called The Atom, people! That's a clue to his powers! Plus, you've probably seen him shrink once or twice. Anybody who is fooled by The Atom's fake death shrinking tactic needs to go back to super villain school.

But now that Mega-Brainiac's mega-plan has been nixed, he's just stomping around New York like a Kaiju. And to top off his failure sundae, Brother Eye has come back to take over the world himself!

Superman comes around and Lois decides if she doesn't interview him now, she'll never get another chance. So she wastes his time asking questions as Mega-Brainiac kicks over a few more buildings. During the interview, Lois Lane mentions Batman and Superman yells, "No more questions!" What did that Batdude do to him during the war?

Ha ha! He means go to Plan B! I bet Giffen wrote this page!

While Mega-Brainiac begins manually stealing Manhattan, most of the other characters meet up at Terrifitech. Like Mister Terrific and Batman, Red Robin, Plastique, Coil, and The Key, and pretty soon Terry McBatman as well. They're probably going to have to come up with some kind of plan or something because right now, nobody is really doing much of anything. Mister Terrific is stroking his own ego while Batman tries to dodge the ejaculate. Red Robin and Plastique are just stepping over dead Terrifitech employees. Coil and The Key are wondering where they've been for so many issues. And Terry McBatman is just flying around doing absolutely no good for anybody. When are they all going to slip into the Preboot universe?! I'm tired of waiting and paying $2.24 every week to wait some more!

I get a discount from my comic book store!

There's some discussion about how much Plastique loves dick--unless it was Dick? Who can tell when DC refuses to use lower case letters--and then this happens:

Whoops! I hope time doesn't unravel completely now!

Plastique survives how all good guys survive when they're yanked out of a window by the bad guy! She avoids exploding and grabs onto a ledge. Terry McBatman rescues her and they kiss passionately. That's me using my imagination. They actually just have a junior high school level kiss. And Terry McBatman doesn't even take off his face latex.

Finally, Mega-Brainiac begins flying Manhattan back to his spaceship and Mister Terrific finally admits that he's been used and he's a dupe and he's probably the third stupidest person on Earth now.

Futures End #43 Rating: -1 Ranking. Not much happened here. Even Lois and Superman reuniting was flat and boring. Shouldn't there have been a finger bang at least, or a hand job? This issue really mostly felt like filler. Almost as if the writers are working by a schedule which demands that this series end on a specific date. So they might have to stretch out a few plot points or they might end too early.

1 comment:

  1. Hasn't this whole series been nothing but filler? Hell even Convergence itself is filler while DC goes Cali.

    Nice call on Supes' erection. You nailed that one on the head;)(had to do it)
    How've you been btw? Been awhie since I last visited.