Happy Fuzzy Warm Funtime Squad #8

Time for a new crew! Please make this crew less happy, fuzzy, warm, and funtimey.

Go fuck yerselfs, you Goddamned Kiddies. Uncle Fuzzy has a new fuggink co-host and her name is MacGulloghoch or some shit. Can anybody read this whisky bottle to Uncle Fuzzy? Did I get it right? How do you pronounce "G" "H"s in Scottish? Is that where you sound like yer coughin' up a huge loogie? Why is Uncle Fuzzy aksin you dumb kids, right? Where are yous anyway? Did Chimps and Toffers or whatever take you down inta da Huggy Basement? Bah. Fuck. Come here, you bitch MacGulloghogh! Piss yer sweet nectar inta Uncle Fuzzy's drinking hole! Somebody run a cartoon or somefin cause I need ta fall down.

"Oh no, Mistah J! I am going to be squarshed by a Daily Planet globe," screamed Harley Quinn at the end of the last episode. Remember that? Remember how the rest of the Happy Fuzzy Warm Funtime Squad thought it was going to be pretty funny watching Harley smashed into clown paint? "Ha ha," they all joked. "Ha ha!" They were already thinking of witty things to say after Harley Quinn was crushed by a globe. "Harley once knew what it was like to be on top of the world," Black Manta couldn't wait to snicker and then finish, "And now the world knows what it is like to be on top of Harley!" "I ain't joey digger Sheila boomarang, mate!" would be Captain Boomerang's joke but nobody would understand the slang and it wouldn't come off very well. "Knock knock!" Reverse-Flash would start and then be terribly disappointed when nobody said, "Who's there?" Red Goldstar, not having a sense of humor because he is Chinese and they are not allowed to laugh by government mandate, decided to save Harley Quinn because he didn't know what else to do with all the time it took for the giant globe to fall to Harley.

*snurk* *cough* Urk! Um, hey? I fink Uncle Fuzzy might have goned blind. Is anybody round? Do I have my dick in my hands? Some'un take it outta my hands, okay? Anybody wanna touch it? Chimps? Tokers? Any...oh God. Um. Errrwwwwww. Errrwwwwww. Wha...what's dat smell?

See the Chinese Military arrive? See how mad they are? "Nobody tells jokes!" they say in Chinese. "Nobody laughs!" "I do not speak Chinese at all," says Captain Boomerang because Black Manta might speak Chinese so he might not say that. "I think I can beat dozens of men with guns with my simple boomerang," he declares. He also says, "Plus I might have dropped the 'Captain' from my name so Grunion Guy should stop calling me that. He will never be taken seriously as a comic book reviewer if he cannot even get the character's names right." Black Manta says, "Yes! I can punch all of these soldiers with guns before they can shoot their bullets into my soft flesh! Let us fight them because this is the Happy Fuzzy Warm Funtime Squad and not the Suicide Squad so we have plot immunity to death!" "Yes!" says Harley. "Yes! I will kick them with my dislocated leg which might have been put on backwards somehow. But they will be surprised when I kick them! They will say, 'I did not know she was facing the right way for her leg to kick me while I was standing behind her!' But they will say it in Chinese so you will have to take my English words for it." Red Goldstar watches and says, "Mon Dieu!" But he says it in Chinese and changes "Dieu" to whatever communists have replaced gods with. Concrete slabs covered in metal signs full of rules to follow?

Why...why is Unkka Fuzzy's face hot? Whas goin' on? *cough cough* Smoke? Chimms! I tole you no smokink! Chims! Wait. Why...ow. OW! Fire? Fire! Oh fuck! My building. My ducktank! My puppets! My cock! Errrwwwwwww. Errrrwwwww *cough cough* Ugh. Oh Christ. Vomit in my nasal passerges. Oh, that's the worst. *spit* *spit* Ugh. Ugh. OW! Shit. Chimps?! Help!

See the successful mission? It was a fiasco! That is quite a good result for a government task force. After the mission, Black Manta says, "I am retiring. I would like to talk about my pension now." Amanda Waller says, "Ha ha! That is a good joke, prisoner, Do you think I look fat in this skirt?" And Black Manta says, "No, not at all. But that shirt makes you look like a horribly unethical person." Amanda Waller scowls, "How dare you! I am very ethical when it comes to animals and to people that have not broken the law! When you broke the law, your personhood was constitutionally taken from you!" "You are a worse human being than everybody that goes on the missions for you!" truths Black Manta. "Oh my god why do I even talk to you?!" says Amanda before shoving her face into a bucket of curly fries.

Well, Kiddies. I think this's the end of Happy Fuzzy Warm Funtime Squad. I hated every minit uv it, you stupid dumb pricks. I hope this fire burns down the whole fuckin' city. Oh god my feet hurt so much. Why is fire so hot? Where is Miss Macghologhollogh. Comfort me in my final minits, sweetie. *glug glug* Ow. Why are you on fire? OW. OW! Oh fuck it.

Happy Fuzzy Warm Funtime Squad #8 Rating: +1 Ranking. At least Red Goldstar is still alive. I still hope he joins the team. Well, I said I wasn't going to refer to this comic book as Suicide Squad until somebody died and I think Uncle Fuzzy counts as a death. So the show's over and Mister Chimps is now a wealthy sidekick since he owns all the rights to the Happy Fuzzy Warm Funtime Squad Theme Song, the only part of the show that ever made any money anyways. So it's back to Suicide Squad in a couple of months.