Batman Eternal #48

The Penguin is behind it all!

Would Scott Snyder fans turn against him if he revealed Oswald Cobblepot to be the mastermind of this entire operation? Obviously the mastermind is Owlman since Spoiler saw Bruce Wayne planning it all, but let's pretend for a second that a different bird were behind it all. The Penguin gets little respect because he's not a physical match for The Batman. But wouldn't it be nice if Batman were reminded of the reasons why The Penguin is one of his greatest villains? He has the wherewithal, intelligence, and resources to pull off a scheme like this. He doesn't have the same intimate knowledge of Batman and his secret identity needed for this shitstorm, which the real mastermind, Owlman, has. But he also has a public persona that means as much to Gotham as Batman's public persona. I think Oswald should find out Batman's secret identity so that they could constantly glare at each other over their giant scissors during ribbon cutting events. Although then I might have to read Batman comic books about the intrigues of city politics and I'm already having a hard time trying to follow the underworld politics plot in Catwoman, so maybe that's a bad idea. Maybe The Penguin should just remain a weaselly little bastard running the Iceberg Casino just legally enough to keep Batman from caring about it. That's the kind of easily digestible story that I can, um, digest! With my brain!

The issue begins with Jason Bard finally working on getting Gordon out of Blackgate. It's hard to tell exactly how much time has passed but I think it's been two years since Gordon was framed for causing a subway to derail by firing his gun at a fuse box. A cop being indicted for deaths caused because he carelessly discharged his weapon in public? That seems more far-fetched then a billionaire going out at night dressed as a bat to fight crime. Gotham really is corrupt if a cop can be convicted of murder while just doing his job! No wait. That's not corrupt at all! Is Gotham actually better than every real city in America? I would say yes except the whole Gordon thing was a frame up to get the only honest cop thrown in jail so all the corrupt cops can go around firing their guns crazily into the air like Yosemite Sam on a three day meth bender.

Do the kids today still know who Yosemite Sam is?

While Jason Bard works to convince the cowardly Mayor Hady to give Gordon a reprieve, the Batman Eternal Mastermind works on convincing The Penguin to murder Gordon in prison. Unless The Penguin's target is somebody else. It's hard to believe it's somebody else because of the way Jason Bard and The Penguin's stories are being told simultaneously.

The Bat-Family participates in Knightfall II: The Revenge of Knightfall. The part of the Broken Bat is being played by Red Hood. The part of the girl looking sexy while she kicks ass is being played by Red Robin. This is a picture of Batgirl's crotch being played by my hand down my pants.

The part of Penny-One is being played by Hush except he's doing it all wrong. Instead of helping the Bat-Kids, he's fucking with their suits so that they all fall victim to the villains they're facing. It seems kind of shitty and untrustworthy that Batman has everybody's suits hooked up to the Batcomputer so he can trigger their gear and gadgets. It's even shittier that he must have a list of Macros taped to the monitor so that any jerk that sidles up to the Batcomputer knows exactly how to close Red Robin's wings remotely or how to blow up all of Jason Todd's explosives on his belt or how to trigger the EMP on Bluebird's suit which probably isn't even tied into the Batcomputer at all since she just designed it like three hours ago. Unless it was ten months ago. I've kind of lost track of time in this comic book.

Batman crashed his Batplane last issue reentering the city but luckily he ditched it near a military base where he's able to steal one of their jets. But he leaves a note on the tarmac to explain where it went.

Dude. Not cool.

Meanwhile Spoiler drops off a data stick for Vicki Vale because Vicki Vale, no matter how many times she's invoked Lois Lane's name, has not been able to figure out what's going on. I don't know what's going on either so I probably shouldn't be too hard on Ms. Vale. But then I'm not an investigative reporter! But then I'm also not being written by somebody who only gives me enough information to act the way he or she wants me to act. I don't think. But Spoiler doesn't have time to explain what's on the stick because her father drags her from the building.

And back in Blackgate, The Penguin requests a meeting with Jim Gordon. I bet instead of killing Jim, he decides to work with him. The Penguin is funny like that. Especially when he makes that "WAUGH WAUGH WAUGH" sound!

Batman Eternal #48 Rating: No change. This issue is as inexplicable as a Star Wars valentine with an unclear message due to its reliance on a stormtrooper's accuracy.