Suicide Squad #30

It's nice to see King Shark's flushing didn't take.

I don't know why this issue of Suicide Squad was even needed. Perhaps it's time for DC to bring back the policy where they just fucking pull the rug out from under a creative team and tell them to hang up their shit, the gig's over. This last issue and Nightwing's last issue are both completely new creative teams, so I guess DC felt that some final Forever Evil plot threads needed to be tied up before they shitcanned these books. Suicide Squad has simply never found an identity that worked. It's mostly been garbage, treating the characters in it like garbage, and really just riding Harley's popularity for thirty issues. This book has been a stinker.

I hate saying that, too! I absolutely loved Ostrander's Suicide Squad. I even loved Giffen's short-lived run that was released sometime around the turn of the millennium. But this version seems to have been poorly thought out and rushed to press simply because DC wanted a Suicide Squad book for The New 52. Hopefully now it will remain cancelled until somebody can come up with a really good pitch for a new series and good reason to bring the team back. Give them a fucking purpose aside from dealing with Amanda's personal vendetta's against Regulus and Basilisk. Fuck, that Basilisk shit was poorly planned out as well.

The issue begins with the government of the United States of America encouraging Black Manta to kill Aquaman with a sly nudge and a wink.

What is wrong with Black Manta's voice?

Amanda Waller is in Washington, D.C. to be fitted with a government buttplug. She's bent over at a congressional hearing, sized up, measured, fitted, and spit back out into the system, confused for possibly the first time in The New 52.

Floyd Lawton has his mustache back although he's chosen to go with a look that says "I'm the douchiest date rapist in the Fraternity," a Van Dyke/Soulpatch combo. He's being transferred to a new prison along with a couple of guys that I might be the only one frothing at the anal glands to see: Coldsnap and Shakedown! Those guys were in the Masters of Disaster! Coldsnap mentions how their ladies are still free and are going to break them out! That means we might get the first appearance of New-Wave, Heatstroke, and Windfall! I hope Windfall especially appears. Even though she's so young, I think it's okay for me to still have a huge crush on her because I had a huge crush on her when I was a kid first getting into comic books. That's not weird or anything! I'm just wallowing in nostalgia, not acting like a pedo!

Meanwhile, the Secretary of Defense has been assigned to make sure Waller's buttplug is nice and secure.

Why is that guy's desk so long? Is he overcompensating for the length of his buttplug?

This issue has completely revamped the Suicide Squad like DC needed to do to it two years ago. The members will now be completely secret and won't be seen as prisoners or have any ties to the United States. The missions will be to secure American interests while having no apparent ties to America. They will just be a bunch of super villains committing international crimes. And if those crimes just happen to help out the United States, who's going to notice except all the conspiracy theorists? And who's going to believe them since the term "conspiracy theorist" has become a way of dismissing people without having to counter their arguments or engage them in debate.

Meanwhile, Heatstroke and New-Wave are captured trying to break out their teammates. No Windfall to be seen though, dammit!

Black Manta tries to go out for a burger but when he orders, the server is all, "Why the fuck is your speech balloon all polarized and shit?" And Black Manta is all, "I'LL TAKE FRIES WITH THAT!" And then he bashes her face into the register for no reason whatsoever except to get arrested. You know, I kind of liked Black Manta when he was running around trying to kill Aquaman. Firstly, who cares if Aquaman gets killed? Good riddance! And secondly, Aquaman killed Black Manta's father for no fucking good reason! So Black Manta actually has as good a reason as any super villain out there to kill a super hero. But now that Black Manta has taken an innocent, underpaid fast-food clerk's face and smashed it through a cash register, I don't think I can like him anymore. In my book, the worst thing you can do is to treat like shit a person who gets treated like shit all the fucking time. When you yell at a clerk at a convenience store or a server at a fast food restaurant, realize you're in no way the first person to treat that person like shit. How dare you continue to make them feel like crap? Even if they love their job, they're still barely making anything and have to deal with assholes who didn't get their burgers put together the correct way. Now they have to deal with half of their teeth getting knocked out and a serious concussion?! Fuck you, Black Manta! Fuck you right in the polarized speech bubble.

Well, I guess admitting you have an anger problem is a decent first step to mend this bridge between us!

Do you think if I painted a mace green, I could convince people that I had a Green Lantern ring and the mace was a construct? It's the go to construct for most Green Lanterns, right?!

I'm almost through and King Shark hasn't appeared yet! You better get crackin' on his return, Sean Ryan!

Black Manta joins up with Task Force X, Amanda is back in place heading up the crew at Belle Reve (although with much less power and an uncomfortable foreign item lodged up her backside), Floyd Lawton is in a cell nearby, and The Masters of Disaster look like they're going to be some of the first casualties when the Suicide Squad relaunches with Issue #1. I don't know when that takes place but I sure hope it's fucking interesting!

Suicide Squad #30 Rating: +3 Ranking. I probably shouldn't give this issue a positive ranking since it's less like Suicide Squad #30 and more like Suicide Squad Volume Two (of The New 52!) #0. I like the direction it's headed in. I like that Deadshot and Amanda are still the foundation of the group. And I love that The Masters of Disaster have made an appearance although I'm sure at least one of them is going to die in the Squad's relaunch. Black Manta did a dick thing and I'm not happy with him right now! So he can go shit in his helmet for all I care. Hopefully Boomerang finds his way into the Squad as well. And since she has her own title now, I hope Harley Quinn stays out. She really didn't fit in with the Squad very well anyway, even if she was the only reason people were buying this series.