Green Lantern #32

In this issue, Hal comes up with a really stupid plan.

I've been playing Dark Souls on the Xbox 360 since they gave it to me for free. It has a really steep learning curve but it's the first game in a long time that actually makes me consider my actions. Sure, you respawn when you die but you lose all of the souls you've collected. And since souls are both money and experience points, you really have to be careful which parts of town you venture into at night. While I thought the game was frustrating for the first few hours I played it, I've really come to like it. And I like it even more now that I'm a player killing monster.

Deep in the game is a forest that is guarded by other players that have joined the Hunter Covenant. The first time you arrive in this area, you're beset upon by a bunch of other players that are summoned to kick your ass. I didn't know when I first arrived at the place that these were other players but after killing three or four of them, I began to suspect that was the case. I made my way through the forest (because I'm unstoppable!) and met up with the leader of the Hunters, a big, fat gray cat that makes some fairly realistic cat noises. He offered me a chance to become one of the Forest Guardians and I took him up on the offer, seeing as how good I was at it. He gave me a ring which, if I chose to wear it, would summon me to kill other players when they entered the forest.

I wore it long enough to forget that I was wearing it when I was finally summoned to the forest to destroy the invading infidel. When I arrived, I saw a person in full black armor attacking other Hunters. I waded in and killed him in two blows. At that point I was sent back to where I'd been with my reward: 400,000 Souls. Now, you probably don't know the exchange rate for souls so let me explain how many souls that was. Up until that point, I'd gotten to Level 40. After using all the souls to level up, I was Level 64. Being a Hunter is the best job ever!

But then I decided I should take a break and read Green Lantern. You can tell how interested I am in that by looking above this paragraph and seeing the subject of my first three paragraphs is Dark Souls. That's what I really want to be doing! Playing free video games!

Anyway, the Green Lantern Corps was in trouble or something. Again! Let's see how they get out of it this time without apologizing to anybody and acting as if they had the right to do whatever they wanted to whomever they wanted to do it to. Fucking jerks.

Here's a picture of 2-6-8-1-7-9-5 to counterbalance all of the words.

This is only Part Three in a Six Part Story and the Green Lanterns have already nearly won. PB Anj is pulling her clanns out of the fight to head home and spend their war plunder. The Khunds are ready to walk away from siding with the Durlans because they think the Durlans are cowards. The Durlans, even with Green Lantern Rings, didn't seem to be very capable against the Corps. So it looks like the last four issues will be the Green Lanterns going on tour around the universe and kissing everybody's ass and apologizing for being huge dicks for billions of years.

Instead of letting their allies walk away from the fight peacefully, the Durlans blow them up instead. The only ones to escape are PB Anj and a few of her crew.

She escaped with her life! She didn't escape with her freedom!

PB Anj seems to enjoy making allies of enemies of enemies of enemies, so she probably headed to Mogo to make a deal with the Green Lantern Corps. It'll probably be something like letting her and her people go if they give up all the information they have on the Durlans. Or maybe she just came back to Mogo to do that kinky barbed wire thing that made the cover.

Instead of just throwing PB Anj in prison to rot, Hal decides to gloat a bit. Thankfully, PB Anj is one of the few people on Mogo ready to tell Hal the truth about how shitty the Green Lantern Corps has been doing their job.

The Corps definitely fails but I'm not sure it really even tries.

PB Anj definitely wants to make a deal with Hal. She knows where the Durlans will be because they need power to lock into the form of Daxamites. I don't know why Hal would need this information though. Let them become Daxamites! Daxamites might be strong but they can barely do anything without suddenly being crippled by a few lead molecules left lying about. I bet they even lose minute bits of power every time they fly through space due to the various lead molecules floating about from exploded stars. Forget about fighting the Durlans while they can shift shape and surprise you! Wait until they become Daxamites and shoot lead musket balls at them!

Apparently Hal can't do the plan the way I suggested because the energy the Durlans are going to consume are Gorin-Sunn's people. They're composed of living energy and if they're all eaten, it will be genocide. I don't think the Green Lantern Corps can just sit back and let that happen. So I guess Hal has to team up with PB Anj after all!

Meanwhile the Elder Durlans have arrvied on Gorin-Sunn's home planet and are ready to feast. But first they must wait for a Daxamite so they can learn how to turn into one.

Green Lantern #32 Rating: No change. I feel like the Durlans entire plan is just fucking garbage! Why choose Daxamites?! I get that they're strong and shit but the head Durlan kills one of the others and says, "You chose permanency in a vulnerable form." And you're not choosing that?! Maybe nobody knows the Daxamites have a weakness to lead yet in The New 52. Perhaps nobody learns about it until many years later when the Legion of Super-heroes comes along. Except they won't be coming along anymore, I guess! I think the future changed or something. Anyway, I'm less interested in the war with the Durlans and more interested in what the Green Lantern Corps is going to do to fix their reputation with the rest of the universe. I truly hope they stop thinking of themselves as a cosmic police force and instead change their approach to one of cosmic emergency services.