Green Lantern Corps #32

Is this where John creates a girder or a piece of rebar to stop the Daxamites?

I'd be a horrible Green Lantern. Apparently Green Lanterns like to make constructs of things that were common to them in their daily lives. So John Stewart makes a lot of construction materials. Guy Gardner makes footballs and weapons. Kyle Rayner makes giant pencils and crazy imaginative creatures because he's a dumb dumb comic book artist. And Hal Jordan makes butt plugs and nipple clamps. But me? What would I make? Probably just great big words! I'd hit a few aliens with a gigantic "FUCK" and another one would be crushed by a huge "CUNT" while a half dozen would be peppered by "SHITS" and "ASSHOLES." Then I'd probably hit some evil female antagonist with a "BITCH" and get in huge trouble with my team members. I'd have just saved the world and they'd barely be able to look me in the eye. "Really, Tess? Really? Words can hurt." Then I'd glance around at all the dead aliens crushed by my light construct words and I'd say, "No kidding!"

This issue begins with the Green Lantern Corps (plus Fatality) visiting Daxam to warn the Daxamites that the Durlans are coming for them. But the Daxamites don't want any part of the Green Lantern Corps' goodwill. They'll probably blame the Green Lanterns when the Durlans suddenly appear right after the Green Lantern Corps does. The Lanterns probably should have just remained off-planet waiting for the Durlans to attack. Then they could have sat back polishing their rings waiting for the Daxamites to plead for their help. Instead of invaders and trouble-makers, they're suddenly saviours!

See? Now let them be until they ask for help, you assholes.

I guess the Daxamites used to live under a yellow sun but Sodamn Yatstikoff turned it into a red sun. Unless they used to live under a red sun and Sodamn turned it into a yellow sun and then back again into a Red Sun. Somehow he was involved in changing the sun in someway. The Daxamites don't seem to be too angry at him though. I think I'd be right pissed if he stole my super powers away from me! But I'm not a Daxamite! I'm just a person reading The New 52! So I'm pissed that Green Lantern comic books keep referring to Preboot history!

The Daxamites Daxam defense plan is to ship a bunch of Daxamites to a solar system with a yellow sun, let them charge their batteries, and return as super soldiers. That seems like a good plan for the planet's future defense. But right now, they've got trouble on their doorstep! I think they'd better rethink their anti-Green-Lantern policy.

Meanwhile back on Mogo, Van Jensen checks the Professional Comic Book Writer's "Conflict Between Two Good Guys Because There Is No Time To Explain" box. He's really getting the hang of things!

What Daggle has no time to explain is how he's updating the rings so that they can identify Durlans. And for once, maybe (MAYBE), a person saying they didn't have time was right because just as the Green Lantern Corps' rings are updated, they're attacked by the Daxamites. And they instantly learn that the Daxamites have been adulterated with Durlans. Or infiltrated although I prefer adulterated because the Durlans suck. Good thing the Lanterns kept them from their road trip to the nearest yellow sun!

For some reason, the Durlans still believe they can defeat the Green Lantern Corps. Sure they can shift shapes. Sure they have them outnumbered about a thousand to one. But they don't have Green Lantern rings! And they don't have Kanjar Ro and the other Green Lantern enemies fighting on their side. Although they still have two issues left of Uprising, so they may actually have the upper hand by the time this issue ends.

And they kind of do and they kind of don't! The Green Lanterns save Daxam and the few remaining Daxamites. But the Durlan ships full of Durlans that can turn into Daxamites blast off for Zezzen and the oceans of energy that will enable them to retain the Daxamite form. Then it's one more hop to a yellow sun and they'll be unbeatable! Except for that pesky allergy to lead. Bah! That probably won't be a problem at all!

Green Lantern Corps #32 Rating: No change. John Stewart and his Lanterns have really just been chasing their own tails during this thing. Sure, they're liberating oppressed people and saving entire planets! But they're not stopping the Durlans plans at all! They keep finding themselves one step behind. Although with two issues left, the Lanterns finally know what to do! My guess is that they'll be too late, some more energy beings will die, some super Daxamite-Durlans will think they're ready to rule the universe, and then the first planet they land on will be full of vehicles using leaded gasoline. The end!