Sunday, June 29, 2014

Batman #32

The Riddler's spider has been drinking too much coffee.

My life needs to be reorganized. I can't remember the last time I finished reading a real book. Okay, so I've reread three out of the five Hitchiker's books so far this year. I'm currently on So Long and Thanks for All the Fish which may have been my favorite of the original four unless I'm misremembering my childhood. I know Life, the Universe, and Everything is my least favorite and I always forget the plot of it until the next time I begin reading it and am reminded of the robots from Kricket. I think it would have been a better book if the actual hero of the book, Trillian, had a lot more pages devoted to her. My favorite subplot of the entire series which resolves itself in Mostly Harmless is in Life though. It's the part where Arthur meets the creature he's been unknowingly killing over and over again across his life. And then Mostly Harmless eventually became my favorite book because I love its take on manipulating multiple timelines to create ones own desired timeline.

When did I become such a lazy reader?! I don't know what to blame but I'm willing to blame Scott Lobdell! Or Rob Liefeld. Or the large amount of time I devote to my Lord and Master, Satan.

This issue begins with Bruce Wayne hiring a new butler.

Cue Beavis and Butthead laugh.

If I were the street performer, I'd tell Bruce to shove it. "I don't need your lousy job!" I'd say, "I've got this fat stack of hundreds!" Although maybe I'd first find out what that one thing I'd have to do turned out to be. It could be playing video games! Or eating too much candy! Or swimming in a private swimming pool that hasn't been adulterated up by all the neighborhood children! That word really should be "childrenerated" since it's kids that really fucking mess shit up. Although kids don't mess up the important stuff, so I suppose the word can stand. Fucking adults and their selfish desires for power and need to prove to their fathers that they aren't wussy baby nobodies that aren't worth any hugs or bedtime kisses!

Finding out about Bruce's new help will have to wait because the story decides to change dates and locations so that we're now back to Batman, Jim, and Lucius's attempt to storm Riddler's headquarters. Or their attempt to fall directly into The Riddler's trap.


Do I even need to mention that Batman escapes? Not only is this story from Batman's past but, you know, it's the Jeezly Crow Batman! And not only does he escape but he rides one of The Riddler's flying machine gun robots back to where Lucius is hiding out just in time to save Lucius from being killed! He's terrific. Just marvelous! What a bat!

Although Jim Gordon and his band of hit-eaters are still patrolling The Riddler's sewers, so I figure a bunch of them are going to die in a few pages.

In the meantime, Batman figures out The Riddler's plan but he's still not sure where The Riddler's holed up. He has a guess but I don't have a guess because he's not showing me the pattern of The Riddler's electronic pings. My guess, although it seems way too obvious, is that the pattern is a question mark and The Riddler is holed up in the dot. Batman heads after him leaving Lucius and Gordon to somehow stop the air strike that will be hitting the city in forty minutes.

I don't know what destroying the city will do for The Riddler. I suppose all he really wants is for people to respect his intelligence. And if an entire city has to die so that other cities will say "Boy, Eddie, you sure are smart!" then by god that's what has to happen!

If Batman's "ONE CHANCE!" doesn't pay off, he decides to leave a message for Alfred.

Sexual harassment! Oh wait. Alfred doesn't work for Bruce anymore. I guess it's okay then.

Batman discovers The Riddler has been using the Egyptian wing of the museum as his headquarters. Because Edward is the Sphinx asking the riddles. And now all Batman has to do is break about two dozen of his bones to get him to give up control of the city. Although this is young, idealistic Batman. So he probably thinks he can talk his way out of this one. Another good reason for talking is that The Riddler might blow everything up if Batman lays a hand on him.

The Riddler has been one step ahead of Batman throughout this entire story and this final encounter isn't any different. He expected Batman to eventually find him and so he set up one last game to play. Batman will now have to walk the Seteh game board and win the day by answering riddles. Unless I'm misremembering how the game is played. Probably not though since Batman's adversary is called The Riddler!

Batman #32 Rating: No change. Zero Year has gone on for quite some time now and I'm ready for it to be over. Although I'm really enjoying the actual game between Batman and The Riddler now that's it's finally been set up. The problem is that Zero Year was not actually a Riddler story. It had several chapters detailing several different aspects of Bruce Wayne's early transformation into The Batman. But it was touted as a Riddler story from the beginning, so it's really felt extra long being that it took so long to get to the meat of the conflict. I've really enjoyed the story even if I complain sometimes about it dragging on. Here's the main reason I feel it's dragging though: I like shorter Batman stories mainly because I like seeing which crazy villain he's going to encounter next. So when he basically encounters one or two villains over an entire year, I feel cheated! And Detective Comics wasn't helping with all of that Man-bat crap going on!

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