Nightwing #30

Is this issue going to begin in a cemetery fake burying Dick Grayson?

This issue begins in the Democratic Republic of Congo. I've said it before and I'll say it again and then I'll probably forget I said it two times already and I'll say it once more before probably saying it a few more times later but the name "Democratic Republic of Congo" is trying way to hard to sound like a free country! The name of the issue is "Un Cheval Pale" except the "a" in "pale" has a little carrot arrow thing on top of it. I think that punctuation mark is called "the beanie." It probably causes the "a" to be pronounced as if you were choking on a load of snot slowly sliding down the back of your throat. This issue is called that because a load of killers and assassins roam the Democratic Republic of Congo tuering and assassinering gens. They call themselves Die Faust Der Kain because the title was too French and they wanted to not only create mort people but also Totes! And pale horses and fists of Cains are pretty good signs that death is coming right at you!

Gross! I guess they liked to fick the corpses in le cul!

Doctor Thompkins is rescued by a Hannibal's Secret model with purple wings and no bra. She takes her to be interrogated by a man with a face like quicksand. She tells them about a seminal moment in her life involving a young child and his dead parents. Don't worry! Seminal has nothing to do with sex like it might sound! At least not in the way I used it! I didn't mean she had a moment in her life that was covered in semen involving a child and his dead parents. That might fly over in an Image comic book but DC is all about family entertainment and dead sidekicks! She also believes she might have told these people too much! And that could be bad since they work for Spyral.

This is why Alfred usually murders people who discover Batman's secret identity. Alfred's motto is "What Batman doesn't know can't hurt him, but what other people know, can." It's actually half motto, half rationalization for his love of serial killing.

Later, Alfred's fucking heart is broken because Batman won't let him in on the secret that Dick Grayson didn't die. Bruce, you're a monster! You might think you're protecting Alfred and Dick by convincing everybody Dick is dead, but what you're really just doing is destroying him. You're destroying yourself and your relationships! Remember how often keeping things from the people closest to you worked out when they discovered you were keeping things from them? In seventy five years, I'd be able to count how many times it worked on my fingers even if I'd been in a major farming accident with an augur and lost both hands! But that's why, as I mentioned in a previous commentary, Bruce's motto (he has one too!) is "Keep your friends in the dark and your enemies in Arkham."

Batman and Dick spar without any shirts on and everybody that is into two hot, sweaty guys wrestling without any shirts (I'd estimate that's about 98% of everybody) say, "Homina homina homina." Then, even though they're curious to find out what kind of mission Batman has for Dick that needs him to stay dead, they go and relieve their sexual tension in whatever their favorite way of relieving sexual tension is (I'd estimate 98% of the 98% rubbed a cat on their genitals).

Batman wants Dick to remain dead and infiltrate Spyral.

And it must be really important to him because the Batmobile isn't the only thing smashed in the sparring. Damian's Robin Suit Memorial. The Batplane. A giant die. The Batcycle. A question mark. A bunch of computers. Even the dinosaur loses some teeth.

Not only does Batman not care that Alfred's heart is breaking, Batman doesn't care that Alfred is going to have to clean up this fucking mess! I bet Alfred discovers some of Dick Grayson's blood as he's cleaning. And since Alfred has tended the wounds of Dick and Bruce and Jason and Tim for more years than he can count (he's getting old and can't count very high anymore), he'll probably recognize it immediately. "Why, that's Master Grayson's blood! I'd know those erythrocytes anywhere!"

Dick eventually agrees to infiltrate Spyral. But not because it will save the heroes from having their identities exposed. And not because Batman asked him to do it. He'll do it so he can hide from Dan Didio. Maybe if he's in a comic book called "Grayson," he'll be able to fly under the radar and Didio will stop going around trying to get him killed off.

Grayson goes around the world taking out members of The Fist of Cain until Spyral notices him and recruits him. They know he was Nightwing and now they have use for him. Somehow. Maybe they need circus entertainers for a festival.

Nightwing #30 Rating: +2 Ranking. It was a fitting end to the story that was being told. Hopefully Dick will find friends in Spyral that will make him happy! I don't like that Nightwing won't be interacting with the rest of the super heroes of the DC Universe. I doubt that will last long though. Secrets never keep in the DC Universe. They just remain secret when the story needs them to be secret and then they're not secret at all when a writer forgets they're supposed to be secret. It gets a little confusing when DC creates a bunch of covert, black ops organizations but everybody fucking knows about them all. Let's see how long they can keep Dick and Task Force X secret now that they've rebooted them! My guess is two months! And not starting with their next first issues! I mean starting now!