Constantine #15

Terrific cover for so many intellectual reasons that I don't have time to think about because emotional and immediate reactions are more important anyway.

One of the biggest problems plaguing human beings is how immediacy and emotion generally win out over thoughtfulness and speculation. Many people have learned a crippling manner of deconstructing texts in which they zealously ferret out a way to read something as offensive. And if the surface layer of the text (or art or experience or doughnut) is already upsetting, even better! Now they don't have to stop and think, "Why?" They don't have to bother with puzzling through what is being said and figuring out if there is any subtext to the offensive piece. Nobody stops to think, "Perhaps there's more here than I first thought?" Well, they do if their first thought is, "Why wasn't I offended? I'm sure this is offensive! Let me figure out why I should be so angry at this!" We really have become people who have replaced critical thinking with merely being offended. Who has time for thinking and responding when you can just blow up while telling other people to shut up?

I can't deny living by the seat of my emotions is far more exciting than spending time rereading Nocenti's comic books to truly see if there is any merit to them. It's much more fun to scream and rant and rave about how bad they are than to really dig into the meat of her words, pulling marrow from the bones of her themes, and giving her the benefit of the doubt that she's actually creating a meal and not just shitting on the table and asking me to eat up and enjoy. I don't often take what I'm doing seriously which is why making joke after joke about how awful Nocenti and Lobdell are fill most of my posts. And since I'm trying to write a little something about each of fifty-two comic books per month, I just don't have the time to be truly critical of the texts I'm reading. Knowing I don't have time to be truly critical, I opt for the complete opposite. I think the complete opposite of "truly critical" is "wildly facetious."

What I mean to say is that I'm not putting myself above those who suffer from the malady of expressing themselves in pure immediacy without reflection. I'm engaging in it here in Eee! Tess Ate Chai Tea as well. The difference is I'm fucking joking around. Sure, I'm pretty mean toward specific individuals but that's part of the joke, an essential piece of my blog persona. People sometimes ask what I'd do if I met Scott Lobdell as if they believe I'd walk up and spit on him as opposed to treating him respectfully as he (and we all) deserve to be treated. Although we also deserve honesty so I'm probably doing him a disservice if I actively ever told him I enjoy his writing. But I wouldn't tell him to his face his writing sucks! I'd just avoid the topic altogether!

Anyway, not only did this issue begin with a great cover, it also began with a great first panel (which belies the fact that I'm sick of Narration Boxes. But I never said they can't work when done well!):

I think a lot of people and places have a decent amount in common with Charlotte and Hong Kong.

I've been to Hong Kong and I thought it was perfectly fabulous. Except for the smog. China's smog was smothering it! Also they use dollars so I felt like I was spending real American money instead of weird fake currency like Yuans or Bahts. Although it felt like everything was about ten times more expensive than it should have been. "What do you mean a Big Mac costs twenty dollars?! This is ridiculous!" Then I threw my tray through a window and stomped out chanting, "USA! USA!" Anyway, I probably only thought Hong Kong was fabulous because I was rotting from the inside more than Hong Kong was rotting from the inside. So it's rot seemed fresh and tasty compared to my rot which was gross and like something you'd pick out of your asshole at the end of a long camping trip sans bathing opportunities.

Anyway! Constantine and his sword containing the soul of Foghorn Leghorn are busy infiltrating Graceful Moon's Lucky Time Hotel For Good Fortune. Foghorn Leghorn says, I says, it's probably a bad idea. But Constantine doesn't know the meaning of the phrase "bad idea!" He thinks it means "opportunity!"

Once Constantine arrives at Graceful Moon's suite, the comic book opens on a double page spread of stunning visuals covered up by a host of Narration Boxes explaining the visuals. I suppose Ray Fawkes wants to make sure that the reader understands that everything in the picture is some kind of specific good luck charm. But since that's all that Constantine has been pointing out up until now, the reader probably could have guessed that the moths and the banners and the monkeys were all there to bring good fortune.

It's Foghorn Leghorn! Go on! Tell her!

Meanwhile Tannarak and Sargon consider the problem of Constantine. Tannarak isn't worried because The Cult of the Cold Flame has access to "the greatest pool of magic in history" while Constantine only has "his endless monkeyshines." Hmm. I think I'd rather have access to something endless than something limited even if it is the greatest! As soon as you run that pool dry dealing with Constantine's monkeyshines, he'll still have an endless amount of monkeyshines! Tannarak spent too much time studying magic and not enough time with his arithmetic.

Back in Hong Kong, Constantine is giving Graceful Moon a taste of his monkeyshines. Mmm! Tasty! But also medicinal!

Take a gander at the monkeyshines, Tannarak. Notice how they always seem to come through for Constantine?

Constantine does that thing he does where he barely does anything and the other mage defeats herself. This time, he blocks Graceful Moon's magic for just a few seconds. But that's long enough for Hong Kong to take back all that she's been stealing from it by manipulating its luck and good fortune strictly for her use. Like a punkass kid at the bottom of a wishing well, it wants its wish back. It wants all the wishes back.

While Foghorn Leghorn was in the grasp of Graceful Moon, he learned from her that it was indeed Tannarak that taught Constantine his first spell which ended in the death of Constantine's parents. Some other shit happened that I'm not sure about but which causes Constantine to get a glimpse of the future where the chains holding the magic realm together are breaking apart. And that's the end of this issue.

Constantine #15 Rating: +2 Ranking. Constantine is much better when he's not involved in a team book involved in a crazy crossover. I'm also not a big fan of his attempt to balance magic so the world doesn't fall into ruin. Which is why I like this story line so far. He's not going after the Cult of the Cold Flame to save the world; he's after them because Tannarak fucked with his life and he wants some kind of revenge for that. If his goal happens to coincide with saving the world, he can always use that knowledge to try and impress Zatanna.