Saturday, January 12, 2013

Wildfire!


In Honor of His *ahem* Death in Legion Lost #15

Part 5 of an at least 52 part series of Who’s Who entries of New 52 characters (but probably a whole lot more what with cancellations and all).

"Drake Burroughs was a student at Metropolis University in the latter half of the 30th Century when he got caught in an accident in a University research laboratory [Lawsuit!]. His human body was destroyed, and he was was [sic] transformed into sentient anti-enegy [What the hell is anti-energy? I have a feeling I'm going to be filled with it for the next 18 days which I have off!].

His new form was captured in a specialized 'containment suit' [Why the fuck are those quotation marks there? Does it imply the containment wasn't total? That the suit wasn't really very suit-like? That the containment suit served a real purpose unrelated to containment? Such as enslavement?] constructed by Professor Vultan. The suit, a sort of pseudo-body-form [Read: Iron Man], allowed Drake a measure of humanoid existence as well as powers based on his new energy self.

Taking the name Erg-1 [I'm absolutely reading that as Urge One.] (for Energy Release Generator), Drake applied for membership in the Legion of Super-Heroes (see LSH) and was rejected [Ha ha ha! If he'd chosen the name Urge Boy, he'd of been right in.]. Attempting to prove his worth, he released his total energy and left his original containment suit [Kind of like what just happened in Legion Lost #15! This joker ain't dead! Fraud! Faker! It's all a ploy to make Dawnstar's boobs forget about Timber Wolf's penis!].

When his dispersed energies [Hee hee hee.] coalesced and returned to Earth, he reclaimed his suit and entered the Legion as Wildfire [Wait wait wait. What did I miss? How did that help him to join? URGE BOY: "Look at what I can do?" *EXPLODE* BRAINIAC 5: "Where did he go? Um, okay, whatever." Months later. WILDFIRE: "Ta-da!" DAWNSTAR: "That's hot. Hire him!"]. He has destroyed and use a number of containment suits since, each with a slightly different effect on his powers."

Powers & Weapons

"Wildfire is composed of anti-energy, which can be channelled into bursts of varying strength and effect. With proper use, they can permit him to fly, destroy most material objects, and counter most types of energy attacks [I wonder if there is a suit that lets him channel his energy into fucking Dawnstar?]. His energy appears inexhaustible [Ooh la la!], as the anti-energy of his form interacts constantly with the positive matter of our universe in miniature nuclear reactions [That's enough science proof for me!]. He waived personal combat training, as none of his containment suits allow for complex enough movements necessary for effective use of the more sophisticated techniques [So he's a pussy hand-to-hand combatant? Is that what you're telling me, Who's Who?]"

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