Batman Incorporated #6

I think this is some kind of metaphor or something. But I just want them to kiss!

At the end of the last issue, a bunch of The Outsiders that we haven't even had time to get reacquainted with were blown up in a blow up! I don't even know if they were really them or not them! Looker was there but isn't Looker a vampire model now? And Halo was in a coma the last time I saw her! Yeah, yeah, it's been awhile. But maybe those weren't even the real Outsiders since Batman Incorporated has had hardly any page time in Batman Incorporated! This comic should be called Daddy Issues Starring Batman and Robin Featuring Alfred Pennyworth with Guest Appearances by Batman Incorporated.

Oh Batman. You don't eat brunch at home!

So I found myself wondering whatever happened to Bruce Wayne standing in the cemetery telling Alfred that Batman and Batman, Incorporated are through. And then the police arrive to arrest Bruce Wayne. That happened way back in Issue One and immediately after that the comic began "One Month Previously." So it's been six issues and one month has yet to pass in Batman, Incorporated? That's really going to screw up my sense of the timeline!

I was asking my friend Doom Bunny if he remembered that scene with Batman being arrested (I thought it was Batman and not Bruce Wayne when I asked him) and we had this conversation:

Doom Bunny: "Who the hell can arrest Batman?"
Me: "Commissioner Gordon. And sometimes Detective Bullock."
Me: "Of course, they need Batman's permission."

So Batman is rushing to the scene of Batman, Incorporated's exploded body parts. Commissioner Gordon is smoking and confused. Detective Bullock is drinking coffee and inappropriately happy (man that fucker likes his job at its worst!). Batman is grim and effusive. Just another night in Gotham!

Except this night is somehow different! This night Batman is going to have an argument with his Baby Mama.

My cousin Jerry has a particular dislike for the term "Baby Daddy" and "Baby Mama." I think they're nearly essential terms that sum up a relationship far better than the paragraph it would take to otherwise explain "the other parent of my child that I'm not married to and most likely was never in anything but a casual relationship anyway." He likened it to my dislike of someone using "loose" when they meant "lose." How are those two things in any way alike? One is incorrect. The other is efficient use of slang! Man, he's really become a bourgeois jerk!

See? Batman is bourgeoisie and he prefers the term "mother of my son."

Batman tells Talia that he's arrived alone but he must have a different definition of alone than I do since he's surrounded by a dozen Bat Sentinels. I guess they're just robots but I think that's a bit insensitive of Batman to think of them as not existing. This is just the kind of situation that will cause one of them to cry, short circuit, and become a lifelong nemesis.

Talia begins telling Batman the parable of the Goat Herder and Enlightenment which I don't know even if it's usually the Ox Herder and Enlightenment. After all the fighting and game playing, Batman finally just wants it all to be over so his city will be safe. He even seems willing to give Robin back which seems like a dick move. It seems like such a dick move that it can't be real. I'm pretty sure what he wants to do is speak with Talia face to face so he can punch her in the nose and be done with this whole mess.

Hurry up, Batman! Halo was my first ever comic book crush! You have to save her! Also, um, Batwing: Watch your fucking hands there, big guy!

Meanwhile back at the Batcave, all of the various Robins and ex-Robins are being babysat by Alfred since Batman, once again, told them to stay put while he does the dangerous work. Remember the days when Batman would carelessly drag Robin into the most dangerous situations? Hmm, I guess DC's fanbase killed those days with their big telephone campaign to fix that jerk Jason Todd!

Gosh, Jason! You insensitive jerk! Not in front of Batcow!

I wonder if Grant Morrison falls asleep every night thinking, "Fuck me. I'm such a genius." You can also tell how intelligent I must be to equate genius with a comic book writer creating Batcow. But wait! There's more! You don't simply get one Batcow in this title! What about Titus, the Batdog! We'll throw him in for free (just pay separate shipping and handling charges). Holy shit! Have we gone insane?! Where else can you get a deal like this? A bat comic with two fucking animal mascots? Batcow and Batdog! Well hold on to your fucking crotch rockets people (rocket not meant to symbolize the phallus but all sexual organs equally) because we're not done!

That's right! You also get this lovable kitten! (Talia's propensity for gassing animals is her own view and not one which we endorse).

Batman's vision of the end of Gotham is slowly coming true!

The fucking batcave must smell horrible.

While Batman hunts down Talia, they have a little conversation. This same conversation is being broadcast into the Batcave so that Damian can hear. Talia tells Batman about the citizens of Gotham that Leviathan has placed under mind control. And then Talia finally gets to the point of all of this and why she needs Damian to hear it.

Like Batman can ever be forced to choose just one!

Batman will probably save Gotham and let Robin save himself and hope Robin understands. These two have seriously learned to trust each other and I don't think any mind games by Talia will stop either of them from doing their duty to save Gotham. Over in The Dark Knight, Batman trusted Damian to kill him to save Gotham. They understand each other and their responsibility to the city over their emotional obligation to people they love. None of the other Batfamily has the ability to completely let go of their emotions to simply do what is right and what is needed. That's why Damian can be the next Batman and Batman knows it.

Near the top of the building, Batman encounters a giant of a man wearing a mask with a red visor. He kills the hostages and then moves on to attack the already wounded Batman Incorporated. He snaps Knight's neck just after Knight gets Squire's heart beating again. Batwing is taken out by the beast using Knight's body as a weapon. And then Batman arrives to help Squire fight this monster.

Forget the rest of this fight! Look there! I think Halo is lifting her head! I think she's going to be okay!

Jason Todd declares that they'll go rescue Batman but Damian tells them it's up to him to save his father. I think Alfred will probably let him go this time. But will they have enough time to save Batman? What's the formula for acceleration due to gravity?

The comic ends with Batman being thrown out of this window and the police below being overrun by some homeless guy with an axe and an army of rough and tumble boy scouts.

These "scouts" would probably know it's 16 feet per second per second. Or something.

Batman Incorporated #6 Rating: +2 Ranking. This comic just keeps getting better. And I only say that because they introduced a cat to the Bat-Animal Family.