Sunday, January 13, 2013

The Star Rovers! (as seen in New Guardians Annual #1)

Part 8 of an at least 52 part series of Who’s Who entries of New 52 characters (but probably a whole lot more what with cancellations and all).

"Friendly rivals in the 22nd Century, glamor girl/expert marksman [Redundant.] Karel Sorenson, playboy/athlete [Redundant.] Rick Purvis and novelist/sportsman [Ernest Hemingway?] Homer Gint roamed the known galaxy seeking adventure.

"All were sufficiently wealthy to own personal spacecraft, something of a luxury at that time [As opposed to now where we all have them.]. Idle, they sought something diverting and found themselves caught up in adventures that threatened the Earth itself [Just looking at these assholes, I know they didn't save Earth once.].

"In an attempt to combat these threats, the group affectionately known as the Star Rovers would experience separate adventures [Karel had a half-lesbian affair with a hermaphrodite from Alpha Centauri, Homer wrote a scathing novel about the hermaphroditic seduction monsters from Alpha Centauri, and Rick Purvis had a homosexual love affair with a journalist disguised as a hermaphroditic seduction monster from Alpha Centauri who was writing a scathing novel about their sexy ways.] and emerge triumphant [And fully satisfied.], each one convinced only he or she held the proper solution to the main threat [Anal. The proper solution was anal.].

"Usually, however, it was only when they compared theories that the Star Rovers would discover the true solution to their problem ["You mean you stuck your penis there? That's where it stuck it's penis in me!" "Hey, Karel, how did you discover the solution was anal in your lesbian affair?" "I told you guys! It was only half-lesbian!" They all laugh. End scene.].

"The group acted independent of any official Earth organization, and their exploits were mainly unheralded [Due to extreme obscenity laws.], allowing the trio to enjoy a certain amount of anonymity."

First Appearance: Mystery in Space #66

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