And H'el is Bizarro again. Maybe the covers shouldn't be finished so far in advance of the rest of the comic book.
Except according to Superman #0, Superman ends up back in time hanging around stalking his parents! I hope that part is just completely forgotten about so that years later everyone can go, "What the fuck was Lobdell on about? Superman on Krypton? When the fuck is that going to happen?"
This issue of Supergirl begins with H'el's story as told by Oracle's Horn Blower.
Okay. I guess the scar healed quickly over time. And it looks like he made the mark himself to alert whoever found him that he needed to see Superman. But since he made the mark while looking in the mirror, it came out backwards. And he was too loopy from space madness to realize it.
But that can wait until Scott Lobdell's Superman because it's just too silly to take place in Supergirl. This is a serious fucking comic book, not one of those Silver Age throwbacks written to children and social deviants. So instead of revealing more about Oracle's Horn Blower, this comic will be focusing on The Flash trying to remove Supergirl from H'el's influence.
Hey Flash. She probably can't understand you when you speak while running at super speed.
Flash: "H'el is a bad guy, Kara!"
Supergirl: "Go fuck yourself, Flash! You can't tell me who to date!"
Flash: "He's just using you to destroy the world!"
Supergirl: "You're just jealous!"
Flash: "You're not thinking straight! You've spent too much time being written by Scott Lobdell and Tom DeFalco!"
Supergirl: "Lecture much? I don't have to listen to you! You're not my father!"
Eventually Supergirl just decides to break his skull. It doesn't work because The Flash has weird vibrating powers that Supergirl has felt before.
I feel a FWAAASH! coming on!
They only spend a couple of pages fighting strange creatures before Flash vibrates them through another wall. The Fortress of Solitude is like its own city! It has dangerous robots and dangerous weapons and dangerous animals and dangerous gadgets. I have a feeling Batman is going to have some strong and disapproving words for Superman when this is all over.
The next room they end up in is only dangerous if you don't have the proper treats.
I wonder if Krypto simply means "dog" in Kryptonian? So Krypton is "The Place of Dogs."
I'm still curious about Superman's ability to fly. He couldn't fly at the beginning of Action Comics. Is it because he just hadn't absorbed enough sunlight yet? Supergirl has no problem flying. Or is it because of their special graduation suits they wear? Or does Superman have a Legion Flight Ring shoved up his colon?
The Flash doesn't save Kara because H'el comes along to do one of those fight ending things he does with no explanation as to how he does it. He teleports Flash to the Justice League Satellite. And since teleportation has never been a Kryptonian power, who is this fucker?
The Supergirl part of the story ends with Supergirl and H'el making kissy faces at each other. And then in space on the way to Earth, an all-powerful impossibility awakens!
Being omniscient sucks. This poor bastard Oracle has to travel all the way to Earth knowing the whole time that he's not going to accomplish whatever horrible thing he's supposed to accomplish. But he can't not go because he knows he goes so he has to go even though he knows he's going to fail. Omniscience is a fucking curse.
Ugh. According to the advert in this issue, the H'el on Earth crossover still has four more issues to go.