Friday, January 11, 2013

Worlds' Finest #8

Apparently not that deadly. The so-called blast didn't even create a boob window.

Last issue, The Huntress and her newly found brother Damian were out looking for the thief that stole Bruce Wayne's money (the other thief. The Huntress is apparently off the hook). Power Girl is also running around investigating the theft on her own because she's feeling a little bit left out by the quick intimacy forming between Damian and Helena. She hasn't really said anything but she did have a kind of hurt look on her face when Damian and Helena held hands. And Maguire is pretty good at facial expressions you can read, so I think I'm pretty close to the mark on that.

The issue begins with The Huntress being hunted by some foreign-language speaking brown men while she's back in New York trying to get fat.

I'm not sure bows and crossbows are the best weapons to be using if you're a non-lethal super hero. But I guess being cocky enough to believe you'll never miss a shot is an essential part of the character.

People are fragile creatures. I guess comic books would be unreadable if the good guys had to worry about accidentally killing someone every time they hit the streets. Would Batman forgive himself if one of the thugs he beats on dies during the fight from a heart attack? Or would Batman place the blame on the thug for not knowing his own limits? Batman definitely breaks thugs bones at times. Would he feel the guilt if a thug died in surgery or from complications or from infections resulting in the broken bone? Or does Batman simply not deal in these shades of grey? As long as his Bat-Weapon didn't cause the damage, I suppose he's blameless.

Why the fuck am I talking about Batman? I suppose every now and then a story crops up about a super hero dealing with the guilt of accidentally getting somebody killed due to their own actions. But rarely is the death because the good guy beat the everfucking shit out of the bad guy. But I know why I'm talking about Batman. Because Batman's code is rigid and inflexible. He does not kill no matter what. So you'll never see a story where he accidentally killed somebody, right? Has that story been written? Not the story where it looks like Batman has killed somebody but you later find out that Batman wasn't to blame at all. That story would ruin Batman, wouldn't it? Batman would say, "We don't kill." And everyone would pipe up, "Oh yes, but that ONE time...!"

And what about all of the people that die in Gotham all of the time because Batman won't spend any extra money on his own insane asylum? Fuck Arkham! That place is built like a sieve! Bruce Wayne has the resources to create a place where the inmates can't escape. And I think he'd be capable of employing people who wouldn't be bribed every other week. He knows lots of super heroes that are probably down on their luck! What the hell is Azrael doing? Get him to run the place!

Batman does kill aliens though, doesn't he? Where does Batman draw the line on what he can kill? Someone should make a chart.

I should probably get back to The Huntress now. While fighting these bad guys, she falls unconscious from loss of blood due to being shot in the shoulder. But she knocked one out and chased the other away, so she's okay for the moment. But the police have arrived and the first thing they're going to do is tear her top off to look at her wounds. Her big pale wounds.

Speaking of Batman, here's not him! This is Batman twice removed. He's the Earth 2 Batman and he's just a hallucination.

Amazingly when the EMTs arrive, they simply remove her sleeve to look at the wound on her shoulder. They also leave her mask on out of respect for her crimefighitng secret identity. Perhaps in a world full of super heroes, emergency workers are trained not to sneak peeks under vigilante masks. One of the cops recognizes The Huntress as an internationally wanted criminal (or vigilante (or something)). But before he can question her or arrest her or force her to confess to something she didn't do, Power Girl arrives to steal The Huntress away to her Fortress of Solitude: Starr Island in Micronesia. Now that's the way to go. Fuck living in the Arctic or under the sea. Power Girl has her own tropical paradise.

So I'm supposed to be reading the mini-series that DC puts out that don't say "The New 52" on them? No way. Not another dime, DC!

Power Girl goes after this Ibn Hassan guy that I've never heard about because I began reading The New 52 four months too late which meant I never found The Huntress #1 on the shelves which meant I never read The Huntress mini-series. During her invasion of Kufra (Ibn Hassan's nation), she manages to insult Islam (a man shoots a rocket at her and says, "In the name of Allah the merciful..." and she says, "You really haven't got a prayer.") and call the Middle East "a sandy garbage pit."
Now I just sound like everybody on Tumblr looking for offense! She probably doesn't actually insult Islam in that first example although it could easily be taken that way. And she just calls Kufra a sandy garbage pit. I think that's okay because the place is probably as corrupt as Qurac. Maybe. I don't know.

Anyway, I'm just being touchy because I'm reading the final chapter of a story I didn't pay for but DC felt it was appropriate to end it here. So even purchasing all of The New 52 books, DC still finds a way to prove to me that I'm not in the know. I'm out of the loop. I'm not a big enough fan apparently! Well, they got that last one right. I would have done this project with Marvel had they done it in such an elegant and easy enough for dumb dumbs like me to follow kind of way. And, you know, first.

So Power Girl bullies this Hassad guy into dropping the bounty on The Huntress's head and then the last page finally gets out of The Huntress mini-series and back to the Worlds' Finest comic book I've been reading.

What was the Alfred of Earth 2 like? Did he go on to write novels? Hitchhike across the country? Engage in dozens of sordid love affairs? Without being Master Bruce's butler, what did he do with his life? That's an Earth 2 one shot story I'd like to see.

Worlds' Finest #8 Rating: -1 Ranking. I can't condone what's being done here. No wonder the cover leaves the antagonist so mysterious. Because it's just some jerk with money. Power Girl wades through his entire nation and bullies him into changing his ways. Did Power Girl just pull a Black Adam here? This was an abuse of her power, right? I have a feeling Power Girl doesn't really see this Earth as real since it isn't her home. So she figures she can do whatever she wants in it. They're just ants in an anthill to her. I have a feeling she's going to get The Talk from Superman any issue now.

Superman: "Look, you can't go around brow beating humans this way."
Power Girl: "Why not?"
Superman: "You just can't! It's not right! It's an abuse of power!"
Power Girl: "You did it. I heard what you did to Morgan Glenn Morganglen Glenmorganglen."
Superman: "That was different."
Power Girl: "Care to explain how?"
Superman: "Do as I say, not as I do!"
Power Girl: "That is such arrogant bullshit!"
Superman: "It is not! Parents say, 'Do as I say, not as I do,' because parents have to deal with the consequences of the things they do. So they can do it! But if a kid does it, the parent usually has to deal with the consequences and the kid just gets off consequence free. So the parent can choose not to rinse a dish if the parent knows he or she's going to have to wash it later. But if the kid doesn't rinse a dish, then the parent has to deal with it later and the kid never knows he was a big jerk. See?"
Power Girl: "Don't parents usually make the kids wash the dishes?"
Superman: "That's beside the point! The point is that if you don't listen to me, I'll punch your womb out through your anus!"
Power Girl: "Okay, okay! I get it! 'Do as I say, not as I do!' Sheesh."

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