Batwoman #16

I might be too tired to produce a coherent commentary.

I suspect not a single insurance company offers coverage to residents of Gotham city. Or else they offer such a specific variety of coverages that you'd either go broke covering yourself for everything or it would be like hitting the lottery if it ever paid off. Currently the people who have coverage against Urban Legends and Ancient Mythological Beasts are sitting pretty. I'm sure most people have coverage against insane clowns and psychotic mob bosses, so a lot of people are going to be flat broke and on their asses when their homes are destroyed by the gigantic hydra currently blasting through the streets. I bet the one guy that's covered for Mythological Creatures My Eighth Grade Boyfriend Would Have Known About is trying to lure the fucking thing to his front porch. I bet the payoff would be enormous!

"Yes, yes. I know your husband was covered against Dungeons and Dragons spells but turning to stone from a Medusa's gaze is not the same as a Flesh to Stone spell. I'm sorry but you get nothing."

Wonder Woman steers Batwoman toward saving the children from Medusa because Wonder Woman knows of only three people that could face the Medusa. Wonder Woman knows Gods so I suspect she's not including them in the term "people." She probably means Superman and Green Lantern and herself. If she's not including herself, she might be including Mera in that group. I bet Mera could kick it's ass. I bet Batman could too but Wonder Woman doesn't respect him as much as she should, so she wouldn't be including him. But I don't know if Batwoman is even capable of defeating Medusa! She's way too low level for that encounter.

Medusa's plan is to spill enough blood on the City of Lunatics' shoreline to summon forth her mother, Ceto. This could be the tipping point for a severe pilgrimage of citizens out of Gotham. "Lunatics and thugs, I can take! But fucking Medusa and the Hydra and the Mother of all Monsters? Fuck this. I hear Central City only has to deal with talking gorillas and some jerk with boomerangs. I'll take my fucking chances there!"

Don't forget Cameron Chase is in the middle of this mess too!

Mr. Bones has also joined the party! He confronts Medusa wearing some kind of biometric goggles or something so that he doesn't turn to stone. Even if he did turn to stone, who could tell since his flesh is invisible?! I guess the fact that he'd stop moving might be a clue. But The Hook knocks Bones out before he can do more than wag his jaw. But Cameron steps in to save Bones although she's only a slight distraction. The Hook knocks her gun away and does some of the best threatening I've seen yet in a New 52 comic book.

Seriously. This is on par with The Joker taunting Robin in Batman & Robin #15.

That "Hey Freak-Show" speech bubble over there? That leads up to maybe the finest moment I've had reading the New 52 so far (how can I say that immediately on the heels of saying "best threatening I've seen in a New 52 comic book?" My tongue is so far up this comic book's ass I can tell it's prostate is a beautiful jewel). There's so much going on in this comic book right now that I really didn't expect this moment. I literally figuratively stood up and cheered. I also might have teared up a little bit but that was probably a metaphorical weeping with simulated snot running out of my nose and pretend hitchings of breath.

Flamebird is back! And she's scared as hell and not going to take it anymore!

Flamebird says, "You don't know how badly I need this..." and then thinks, "So scared, I forget my next line." That's just classic. Beautifully written because it says so much in just those two lines. She's thought about this rematch so much that she has a prepared speech for The Hook yet when it all goes down, she forgets her script. It says a lot about the quality of a writer when I suddenly like Flamebird better than every Teen Titan, better than Catwoman and Green Arrow, better than Hawkman and Starfire and Jason Todd. Flamebird!

Abbot and his gang of monsters join with Batwoman to destroy Medusa's gang of monsters. Boy, Ceto is not going to be happy about the sudden rise in monster-on-monster crime. I wonder when monsters act badly, do their mothers put them on time out or just rip their guts out?

Getting back to Wonder Woman as she battles the Hydra, she decides to name the other two heroes she believes could face it.

Let's see, while reading The New 52, I've correctly speculated too many things to count and incorrectly speculated a negligible amount (probably closer to zero than one).

Wonder Woman realizes she doesn't need a heat source to stop the Hydra's heads from regenerating. She just cuts the heads off so quickly that her blade superheats and melts the Hydra's scales forming a barrier to protect against sprouting heads. She also drops an elbow or two on the monster just for good measure. Batwoman fights her way through the monsters to find Maro and La Llorona and Medusa. She must have been watching how Wonder Woman wins half of her battles by pretending to be nice and gets La Llorona to switch sides when she points out she's a crazy child-killing bitch. Maybe she's more diplomatic than that. Anyway, it doesn't matter because Medusa has spilled enough child-blood to summon her mother.

The Mother of All Monsters is in 3-D! Sheesh. 3-D just looks like a dirty emoticon now.

Batwoman #16 Rating: +2 Ranking. I don't know how Batwoman isn't outselling every other New 52 comic book out there. It appeals to a wide variety of readers, it has the most fleshed out characters in The New 52, and it's consistently filled with terrific writing and fucking amazing art. The only reason for it not outselling everything else is that it scares away the vast majority of the young male audience because it features a lesbian as the main character. Okay, maybe there are other reasons but I prefer to live my life on the edge of hyperbole! Also, I wanted to blame young male readers for something! I'm sure they're all up to no good! The well-written story probably gets in the way of their adolescent male lesbian fantasies. And since the internet has plenty of material to satisfy those, Batwoman loses out.