The Phantom Stranger #4

I'm a huge fan of this cover.

Until now, I'd forgotten that The Phantom Stranger popped up at the end of Justice League Dark #14 because nothing ever came of it in Justice League Dark #15. The Phantom Stranger informed Constantine that "the three" were about to go to war and that Constantine needed to pick a side. I'm pretty sure that Constantine has never "needed" to do anything that didn't involve self-preservation, so I suppose Constantine's response wasn't actually needed. Well, until now! This comic must certainly continue that scene, mustn't it?

While disguised as poorly dressed, sex crazed Philip Stark, The Phantom Stranger does a little shopping with Philip's wife. That poor woman. Philip may seem real to her and the Phantom Stranger probably loves her and his kids for the normal life they allow him to pretend at, but in reality, his real identity is The Phantom Stranger. Some day his wife and children are going to end up in a refrigerator and two small ice chests. It's practically inevitable.

At one point during the shopping trip, The Phantom Stranger enters a mystical trap disguised as a dressing room. He ends up in The House of Mystery with John Constantine and a dead goat.

It warms my cockles that I think like John Constantine. Unless that's slang for gay sex. And then I haven't warmed my cockles since college.

Turns out John wants The Phantom Stranger to join Justice League Dark. I think his main reason is that it would legitimize their use of the trademark "Justice League" since they currently don't have anybody that wears a cape. But The Phantom Stranger will fix that right up! Plus he's pretty good with the magic. He's so good that he defeats Frankenstein and Deadman in just a few panels. But he still can't leave on his own because of John's scapegoat. And Constantine won't take no for an answer. Well, he will. But just for a little while!

Oh, let John keep it! Do you really need it if it's already off of your necklace?

When The Phantom Stranger returns to the dressing room, his wife is gone. It's been twenty minutes so she apparently decided he crawled out under the fitting room door and ditched her. The Phantom Stranger heads home to get the sex she promised him even though he kind of didn't hold up his end of the bargain by disappearing instead of trying on the clothes. When he gets home, he doesn't bother checking the refrigerator. But that's not a surprise because your dead wife is always in the last place you look. The babysitter, on the other hand, is always right where you left him.

Some habits are harder to break than others. Like getting people crucified.

While the babysitter is accounted for (dead but accounted for), no one else can be found. At least no one that The Phantom Stranger is looking for. Pandora shows up to offer no help at all. Perhaps an "I told you so" but I don't think that's officially help.

The Phantom Stranger isn't a fool that's why he didn't see it coming! Ha ha!

The Phantom Stranger can't figure out which of the hundreds of people he's betrayed could be behind his family's abduction. So Pandora helps him out and takes a guess. "Hmmm. Could it be . . . The Spectre?!"

The Phantom Stranger #4 Rating: +2 Ranking. I like everything about this comic book. Except the art. So I like almost everything about this comic book! I'm glad wasting words doesn't hurt the environment because I'd be a pretty big polluter. You'd think I didn't know that my computer had a backspace key or that there was such a thing as "editing" or "rewrites"! And you'd be right! I have no idea what anything I just said in that previous sentence means! The typist monkey I dictate all of my commentaries to wrote that all on his own. Is he fucking making fun of me? Fucking monkey. Oh, you'll get your banana! Right after I wipe my ass with it!

Typist monkey hate Eat S-H-I-T.

All work and no feces throwing makes typist monkey a dull monkey, ad infinitum.