So I guess this annual is happening.
As you can see, I was wrong. Since this doesn't have a Rise of the Third Army tag on it, I guess it's going to be a stand alone story. Or maybe this will be the issue Kyle learns how to love. It looks like he's doing a pretty good job on the cover since Indigo 1 told him earlier that you can't have love without rage! That's so true! Especially if you love me, you fucking cunt!
Oh and look! That asshat Keith Giffen is writing this comic book! Where the fuck has he been lately? Probably blowing Dan DiDio while shoving his thumb up Geoff Johns ass. God I love DC! BUT THEY MAKE ME SO ANGRY!
The fucking Annual begins on Tolerance, a Transmetropolitan rip-off. Speaking of rip-offs, five fucking dollars for an annual! Now I have to waste my time reading an extra-length book when I could be wasting my time reading a normal length book. God. All I do is read comic books now! Stupid, goddamned fucking shitty-ass comic books! Don't get me wrong! I love it! I love every minute of it! BUT THEY MAKE ME SO ANGRY!
Here are some guys. I think they're in that reality show from Blue Beetle #15. They're shooting some other fucking guy. Write your own damn joke.
People are constantly asking me what tattoo I would get if I were to get a tattoo. Now I know! I'd tattoo my penis with Saint Walker's face!
I think there's probably a joke in the fact that Kyle Rayner was allowed to land on Zamaron which is currently gender restricted. Fuck if I can make that funny though.
OH MY GOD NO! NO! If I'm doing any good at all with these commentaries, y'all will know better than to buy this used piece of toilet paper! I cannot believe DC has the gall to sell this trade paperback! You know what they're doing here? YOU DO KNOW, RIGHT?! They're calling Superboy and Teen Titans fans SUCKERS! "We're DC and we can sell the Superboy Fandom anything! Hey look what I did? I gave Superboy a guest appearance in this public toilet bowl I just ruined with my massive bowel movement! I bet the Superboy fans will line up for a nice look at this mess!" Look at that list of A-List writers! Tom DeFalco! Scott Lobdell! Howard Mackie! Whoo boy! And notice the best quote they could find from Comic Book Resources? See that? Read it to yourself. How'd it sound in your own head? It comes off as SARCASTIC, doesn't it!? I can hear the disgust dripping from the Comic Book Resources hack that had to utter those words! Although it really is true! Brett Booth and Pete Woods carry this fucking book. If there's anything good to be had, it's definitely visual! Until you get to RB Silva's people that all look like the exact same guy (even the women) just wearing different wigs. Fuck. The UNMITIGATED gall of DC to collect these stories into one stinking volume! And don't mistake this rage for love, you fuck nuggets! OH MAN! If you misunderstand me now after all we've been through, I'll never type another word at you ever! This rage isn't a joke about rage and love being equal or the same thing or needing each other or whatever! THIS IS PURE HATRED!
All this time I thought he was going to fuck Carol to learn the ways of Love. But I guess this is the Star Sapphire version of Kilowog. Buckle up, Earth Man!
Sheesh. I look away for one second and they get up to some weird nonsense.
Deadshot: "Did you catch a whiff of that tool box?"
Killer Frost: "Reminded me of pot roast served with heroin and hashish salt and pepper shakers."
Sgt. Frank Rock: "You shake that box often, Frost?"
Killer Frost: "You mean Deadshot's?"
Major Disaster: "What the fuck are you talking about?"
While Kyle trains with female Kilowog, Carol, Arkillo, and Saint Walker head out on a mission to piss off Lady Styx and the Tenebrian Dominion. Why it needs to be done has been very hush hush so far. Or else they explained it in one of the quick back and forths between Carol and the head Zamaron. Fucking Giffen! Oh wait. This new guy will explain it all! I think. Fucking Giffen!
Yes! An Amish Green Lantern! I don't think he should be wearing jewelry, right?
These Star Rovers have been assigned to smuggle the Lanterns and Sapphire into the Tenebrian Dominion so that they can speak with Lady Styx into battling the Third Army with the Lantern Corps. She might not agree at first but once all of her people begin turning into Borg Lanterns, she'll start fighting with the Lanterns whether she wants to or not. I guess the real fucking trick is getting her to fight with them before they're all dead. Or assimilated.
The Rovers manage to get Carol Ferris inside and then decide to make a little cash off of her by handing her over to the Hunted Reality Show's talent scouts. I think that was what it was called. Hunted. I guess they're mercenaries who always keep their word but will twist that word to their benefit whenever they get the chance. After dumping her off, they head out to bring Arkillo and Saint Walker as well.
But that doesn't work out so well for them. Serves them right. I'm sick of DC Mercenaries and Bounty Hunters that "always keep their word" or "always deliver." How about a Bounty Hunter that has been known to catch some of the biggest scores in the Universe but sometimes really, really, really fucks up the job. Take your chances, you know?
Carol Ferris gets one rotation of the planet free from being hunted. It's like the scariest game of hide and seek you'll ever play! Unless you play Hitori Kakurenbo! Before The Hunting begins, Lady Styx comes out of the shadows to speak with Carol.
Goddammit! It's one in the morning and I'm tucked away in my tiny office in a dark house and I just had to reread that fucking Hitori Kakurenbo shit! Japan, why do you always know exactly how to scare the fucking pants off of me?
Good news! Everybody escapes except Jediah! Arkillo knocks him cold and shoves him out of the ship because he's an asshole. The he is ambiguous for a reason.
Even though Jediah is captured and going to end up on The Hunted going against the Crimson Thrust (probably in Threshold #1), Rokko's ship and everyone in it manage to escape into nonexistent space.
There are only 3600 Space Sectors. Unless those sectors have a limit at the inside edge of a sphere and then sectors begin past that in concentric spheres or something, Sector 9008 doesn't exist.
Wait a second! I was just tricked into reading the prologue to Threshold?! Fuck you, DC! How dare you!
I personally am not surprised by the shilling/pimping of such a shitty trade collection. It's the corporate way you know.
ReplyDeleteThe same with the generic praise they had to doctor up as well.
I usually like Giffin's writing, especially his JL and Doom Patrol runs, but he can write some stinkers, like this one and his Suicide Squad run. Both you and Shlomo really hate those issues it seems.
I thought the idea of a female/hermaphroditic Killowog is funny as fuck, and reminds of the female(I think?) guard from Superjail.
I really hope Kyle does't have to learn "love" from shim. I won't wish that on worst enemy....or would I?;)
I actually really like the way Giffen writes. And I enjoyed his run on Suicide Squad. But I'm pretty much the 1% who did, I think. I liked that he had a completely different take on it and I wish it would have gone longer. I think his long haul story on that title could have been really good.
DeleteI love the way he makes characters banter. I think he has a really good knack for it although I point out the pitfalls of his technique in my sort-of-rage-induced criticism here.
I'll always give Giffen the benefit of the doubt and I'm looking forward to Threshold on Wednesday.
Here's hoping then. OH, and that Hitori Kakurenbo stuff is pure crazy. The type of crazy I might add, that you'll only find in Japan,or other like-minded Asian countries;)
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