Oh no no no! What happened to Andrea Sorrentino? How dare Lemire steal him over to Green Arrow! What about my Tig's face? WHAT ABOUT MY TIG'S FACE!?
Last issue, Ex-Bloody Mary, Ex-Professor John, and Deborah Dancer (Andrew's ex!) were on a quest to save Andrew from his evil self. As his evil self, Andrew doesn't realize he wants to be saved. But once he's saved, his good self will say, "Thank you for saving me!" But if his current self is the evil self and he doesn't want to be saved, doesn't that take precedence? It doesn't matter to me though. Once Andrew Bennett is saved, Tig will take over as leader of the evil army and do a much better job of enslaving the world.
Tig, Andrew, and their new mage decide to assault the castle of the Van Helsings. While doing so, the mage casts a spell in Old Portugese [sic] that says, "This is Runespeak, see?" Oh! I guess I can begin calling it Runespeak then since I was tired of calling it Old Portugese [sic] and having to explain how I wasn't the one misspelling Portuguese! So they begin fighting and I just have to say, I'm not feeling that special something toward Tig. I'm sorry I'm so shallow, Tig, but something has changed between us.
I'm just not drawn to you anymore. That's a pun!
The greatest army of vampires in the world and across all of history cannot stand up to one Vampire Lord, one Vampire Mage, one Vampire Sweetie-pie, and one Vampire Dog. If only they'd learned the spell "Zilwan," this fight would have been over in seconds. That's a Sir Tech's Wizardry joke! Look, if I have to explain my jokes, you're just not living enough! Sure, some might say they're not really jokes at all if they need a lengthy explanation appended to them. But I like to go the "blame others first" route.
Eventually Andrew encounters the boss of this level: the original leader of the Van Helsings who was ripped apart by Andrew twelve times already. Now he's been put back together and it looks like they might have added some extra parts because he's a giant.
They probably didn't know exactly which pieces were his in the big Utah Van Helsing Massacre, so they just shoved as much flesh as possible together to form this brute.
Meanwhile the goody-goodies are gallivanting about England looking for the place where Andrew Bennett was turned into a vampire. Luckily for them, Andrew Bennett came from a noble family and they had a plaque erected directly on the site of his terrible carriage accident which was really just an everyday vampire attack. Maybe not "everyday" since the vampire doing the attacking was The First Vampire, Cain. Also luckily (unless this is more "preparedly"), Professor John knows enough magic to raise the ghosts of any who died on this spot. He manages to raise the ghost of Andrew's carriage driver.
The carriage driver calls Mary a whore and then screams "Unclean!" until he dissipates. They decide they're on the right track and head into Bennett's Woods. That sounds like a pretty promising place to find Andrew's place of death! What they find is something altogether unexpected. Or maybe not so unexpected. But he is supposed to be dead!
What's this world coming to when you can't trust a comic book death?
Meanwhile back in Castle Van Helsing, the evil trio have fled from the Giant Undead Captain Van Helsing and found their way to the library. Here they find a book that isn't the Necronomicon and use it to teleport to the place Andrew was looking for.
Obviously the book has a vagina*.
*FWASH is the sound effect made popular by Supergirl's vagina when it explodes.