Thursday, May 4, 2017

The Hellblazer #9

Is this a crystal ball that shows what's happening around it or just a reflection?

Today on Twitter, I saw the the most weaselly euphemism for "I'm a racist!" ever. Some guy said, "I'm idealogically opposed to government handouts." And that's the base of the Republican Party for y'all! It's easy to get angry at somebody calling that racist because there's nothing inherently racist about the words in the statement. But historically and contextually, it's easy enough to break down. They believe white people work hard for what they have and that minorities do nothing but leech off the system. We're still living under the myth of the black welfare queen because so many people bought into that notion. They truly believe their taxes are supporting black people who want nothing more than to have to not to work thanks to government handouts. But they can't say, "I'm sick of supporting those niggers." Hell, even I can't say that while pretending to speak the language they would use if there wouldn't be serious repercussions for using it! So pretend I didn't say it. So instead, they say shit like "I'm idealogically opposed to government handouts." You see the same kind of racism in the defense of gun ownership. White people believe in their right to have guns to protect themselves (you know, from those leeching criminals who won't get a job because free government money makes for such a lucrative and luxurious lifestyle (all y'all racist white people know who I'm talking about, right? Wink, wink!)). But does society really believe everybody has a right to bear arms? Apparently not because white people pretty much never get shot in public for carrying a gun yet black people get shot in public all the time because somebody thought maybe they possibly thought perhaps they had a gun? Or else they just find it's a good enough excuse to say they thought the black person had a gun after shooting them for being disrespectful.

Apparently people's main real gripe about socialized healthcare is that some people would be getting healthcare without paying into the system. They have no problem with paying insane rates to private insurers because the other people their dollars are being used to help are also paying into that system. But God forbid somebody who hasn't paid any taxes because they can't find a job and they can't afford it because they can't afford anything else either should be allowed health care on everybody else's dime. Fucking God Who Doesn't Exist forbid anybody should have empathy towards their fellow human beings and think, "You know what? The measly amount of taxes I actually pay when you really look at my tax return is hardly affected by a national health care system." It's easier to be idealogically opposed to the idea that if I were richer, I definitely wouldn't want to pay more taxes on the upper end of my earnings. So, I suppose, the statement isn't proof that the person who said it is racist. But the fact that Republicans are lining up behind Trump to destroy Obama's legacy in every way they can, no matter how many of their constituents it hurts, seems pretty fucking racist. Donald Trump himself may or may not be racist. He's definitely still butthurt over Obama making fun of him at that White House event which really caused this whole mess in the first place. Thanks, Obama!

It's crazy to think that the main thing these rich old white fucks can't handle is being laughed at. Look at Jeff Sessions trying to convict a woman for laughing at his confirmation hearing. It's no wonder they think The Daily Show and This Week Tonight are equivalent to their state propaganda channel of Fox News.

Laura Silverman just Tweeted this which is what I was trying to say in my horribly digressive and rambling way: "People wonder why they're called racist for the way they vote. There's no other logical motivation for voting against ur economic interests ...than not being able to get past having to share those resources with people you've deemed, unlike yourself, to be unworthy of them. None."

The Review!
Now that I've called a bunch of people who probably don't think they're racist racists, I'm going to angrily read this comic book!

I'm not the only person beginning my composition by alienating a hefty percentage of potential readers.

Constantine has no real thematic reason to take a dump on comic book collectors on the first page but he sort of ties it up at the end by comparing collecting things to keeping a journal of experiences. And he's after a journal so there's the way into the story! Also he's following a flying, glowing trainer across the skies of Paris. You can tell it's Paris because the Eiffel Tower is big as life right there on the first page. You can kind of see a tiny piece of it on the stage-right-hand side of the above scan.

John has tracked down the kid who stole the journal that might have the secret to killing Djinn in it with the help of a sexy woman named Sexy Sexytime. Did that sound like convincing French? I would use her real name but that would involve remembering it or actually looking at the comic book which would take less time than explaining why I called her Sexy Sexytime. I think her name was actually Misabel Lefuvque or something. She offers John some advice as she ditches him.

I'm sure there are some readers who know John is bisexual and don't know what fags are whose heads just exploded.

It seems John wants the journal because it has the location of the Djinn's home magic lamp. Was that racist? That was probably racist. I hope I didn't offend any Djinn-kin out there. If I were having sex with a Djinn-kin and they asked me to rub something vigorously, I'd walk out due to their lack of imagination. I would be all, "I will grant you three wishes if all of those wishes are to swallow a huge load of cum!"

Do you like how in my fantasy, I deliver huge loads of cum? In reality, it would probably be a slight trickle due to all the masturbating I get up to.

My friend Sony Tilva (no relation to the equipment manager for the Phoenix Coyotes, wink, wink!) once told a story about how he hadn't nutted for a long time before masturbating on his back so when he came, he gave himself an inadvertent facial. I hope his hockey buddies don't read this and judge him! Although knowing Tony ... I mean Sony! ... he's probably already told them all that story.

Meanwhile in London, some political intrigue or something is happening. I think some guy insinuates Theresa May is a lizard person and that everybody who voted for Brexit might as well be living in the colonies.

Here's a bit for the nerds and also for the people who are halfway intelligent enough to score reasonably well on Jeopardy.

John and Mercury eventually get an address leading them to the journal. What they don't realize is that Misabel made sure they received that address. So I'm guessing the journal isn't actually there. Unless the French translation of "journal" is "trap."

The Ranking!
No change! This is a monthly and I don't always write detailed commentaries about it, so I might be a little confused by some of the story. And it's not helping that I didn't really write much of anything about the part that I'm a bit confused about! The Djinni at the Tate Club had some guy high up in May's cabinet (or her personal assistant (or the person in charge of telling her what the real powers want done)) is forced to face the truth of his life: the "real power" behind it all is just a guy pretending to be Jesus Christ. So the Djinni has him kill Pseudo Jesus to prove his loyalty to the Djinn. No the Djinn control London! Or something. But they still need to stop Constantine before he finds Abby and completely fucks up their plans. I don't know why they need Abby but I guess The Rot is essential to their plans of world domination.

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