Wednesday, May 17, 2017

New Super-man #11

Superman Zero? That reeks of a cheesy marketing scheme to breathe new life into the Superman brand.

The Fla-sh of China has a new suit and it's the best. Although I did appreciate her Goodwill costume that used the AC/DC lightning bolt as her Flash flair. But it wasn't pink and cute and form-fitting (which is only the third best aspect although part of my body thinks it's the first best).

In this issue, we learn that Wonder Woman of China is just a snake pretending to be a woman. Should I find that as sexy as I do? It's possible I'm jumping to the wrong conclusion. But a turtle that became a man that became a giant mega monster turtle has a problem with creatures that use qi to step outside their natural places. He, as a turtle, did it to become a man and he seems to think Wonder Woman of China did it as well while referring to her as Green Snake. And that's how animals in fables and myths always refer to other animals, right? They're all, "Hey! Rabbit! Stop pooping on my door step!" And "Hey! Owl! Why are you so pretentious?" And "Hey! Why are we calling the donkey Eeyore?! Fucking monster is using his qi to step outside his natural boundaries! Get him!"

Since Justice League of China aren't capable of defeating the Doomsday Turtle Man, Dr. Omen has to release Super-man Zero to get the job done. You've probably already made your own less calories, all the taste joke while patting yourself on the back and mumbling, "Good one, Sexy Genitals!" So I'll skip the joke and also raise an eyebrow at your nickname for yourself. Super-man Zero doesn't turn on Doctor Omen and beat the shit out of her for keeping him held captive. Instead he rushes off to save the day for some reason. It's not like he's got a Kryptonite Bomb in his head! The idiot should be flying off to France!

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