Saturday, May 20, 2017

All Star Batman #10

The new Robin is a bit rough around the everything.

• What do you have to do to get a Batman story that stops jerking itself off over how great Batman is and begin dealing with his adult healing from a childhood trauma? The guy is fucked up! The Who's Who entries in the DC Universe should include the stat: "Bat-enabler?" Somebody should get him some non-Harleen Quinzel therapy.

• I just sang the Narration Boxes as an operatic dirge to my cat Pelafina. She's purring so I think that's a good review.

• Alfred Pennyworth is narrating this story. He assures us that this Batman story is unlike all of the other Batman stories. Oh good! Just like I wanted in that first bullet point! I can't wait! Although, I mean, Scott Snyder began last issue saying that he wasn't writing a Batman story. And then the big twist at the end was that it was a Batman story. So I'm not holding my breath about this story being any different from all the others.

• This story takes place in London's past which totally doesn't explain the cover at all.

• Scott Snyder has done something few writers ever do! Usually when I like a writer, I like just about everything they do until the day they die tragically. But Scott Snyder has gone from writer I thought was terrific to shitty hack with pretentious underpinnings. Here's how he begins this story: "[This story is] different from the rest. Of course, it starts the way the others do. The angry young man, far from Wayne Manor. Lost. And like the others, it's a mystery — a detective story about the distance between the boy he was then and the man he is today." Well, thanks, Scott! I'm glad you informed me early that this story isn't like all the other stupid comic books because this one is smart and has a theme and shit! And knowing comic book readers are stupid fucks who are only hoping to see Batman punch somebody in the face, it's a good thing you're letting us know up front that this story is better than that! I'm sure I would have completely missed all of the smarty pants stuff you were up to if you didn't clue me in. Although, I'm suspicious now. You got me trying to think about why the last story wasn't a Batman story only to end with "Surprise! It's a Batman story!" So why should I think you've put any more work into making this story different? I think maybe you just tell people at the beginning how smart and different your stories are so that you don't actually have to make them smart and different!

• This story also takes place in Miami's present which probably explains the cover completely.

• Something called the Genesis Engine is being auctioned off on the black market. Batman probably wants to get it for himself so he can make billions of dollars with it.

• A bunch of shit goes wrong when Bruce meets with the dealer. Bruce finds the dealer dead in a manner that reminds Alfred of his youth when he used to graffiti a symbol all over London. That's when Alfred explains to the reader that this mystery isn't about Bruce at all. It's about Alfred.

• In other words, last story actually was a Batman story. But this story actually isn't a Batman story. So it really is different than other Batman stories being that it isn't a Batman story at all. But Scott Snyder couldn't have begun two issues in a row saying "This is not a Batman story," right?

• This story didn't have any alligators or crocodiles in it. I guess Alfred and Batman killing animals in a swamp will happen next issue.

• This story was much better than the last nine issues of this comic book. Except maybe for the part where they explain the name of the place where the guy selling the Genesis Engine lives. That's pure Snyder! He over-complicates things to give a vaguely Umberto Eco-ish atmosphere. So the place is Latin for a right because the thief was crucified to the right of Jesus and the guy who runs auctions out of the place is a thief who is descended from pirates and only works with other people descended from pirates. For being a whole pirate theme, it's weird that Snyder decides to start with the Latin and the Jesus and the thief stuff. I mean, the only way they really tie in is that pirates steal things. Oh but the atmosphere it creates! So mysteriously esoteric!

No comments:

Post a Comment