Thursday, May 4, 2017

Teen Titans #7

When Beast Boy turns into an squid, which part of him is his penis?

The Review!
It's too bad I decided to make this one of my short reviews where I read the comic book first and then type some shit that isn't particularly enlightening or entertaining because I love when I'm angry and I get to read a Benjamin Percy comic book! But he's off the hook this month. Especially since this issue was so mediocre that I would have been too busy yawning to actually get mad at anything. See, what happens here is Robin tells Aqualad he is the worst and then Robin almost gets killed by King Shark but then Aqualad saves Robin after which Robin admits that maybe Aqualad isn't totally the worst. This story was basically done with a comic book plot stencil. I suppose the real twist was that King Shark proved himself to be an abominable failure. So when readers get to the end of the book thinking, "Wait. That's it? King Shark and his army of shark men were defeated that easily?", they'll be super surprised by the revelation that Black Manta is now interested in destroying the Teen Titans because of Aqualad. If other readers are like me, they turned the page, saw the Black Manta reveal, and said, "Fuck this motherfucking cunt! King Shark is way more entertaining!"

This is another thing I thought when Black Manta showed up to mention his interest in Aqualad (who's probably his gay son): "Oh great! The Teen Titans still aren't going to be heroes, are they? Here they go again battling family members instead of saving the world!"

I suppose their defeat of King Shark counts as doing something heroic even if they mostly just saved a lousy local on the street news reporter. All those idiots add to the world are segments where they ask ignorant people how they feel about something that didn't affect them. "What do you think about the shooting in the park nearby?" "Oh, you know, it's scary. I have a child. My child is mortal. So scary!" I don't understand the need of people to answer questions when a local reporter sticks a microphone in their face.

The Ranking!
No change!

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