Saturday, May 20, 2017

Hal Jordan and the Green Lantern Corps #20

Who shrunk Hal Jordan's lower torso?

• Previously on Green Lantern, time travel shenanigans were boring the fuck out of me. You know you're in for some terrible nonsense when Rip Hunter makes an appearance.

• I rarely prefer pre-Modern Age comics but I do miss when time travel stories were used for silly what-if bullshit. Now if there's some kind of time travel, it's always because something went wrong in the future which can only be changed in the present. Hmm. Maybe I've been reading time travel stories wrong. Maybe they're all just morality tales to make young readers aware that their actions have consequences! "See what happens when you don't do your chores? Your great-great-grandson will become a megalomaniac who takes over the entire universe! Good work, lazy!"

• Mogo is currently under attack from Prism Beasts. They're the hench-creatures of Sarko (he's the Cable guy of this time travel story) and they're immune to spectrum light. I think it has to do with their crystalline nature. But you know what beasts made of crystals probably aren't immune to? Bullets! If only Simon Baz's gun were here!

• John Stewart gets readers caught up on the story via a first page that's 80% Narration Box. He also spreads some outrageously inaccurate information.

First, no. Just because you say it, it doesn't make it true. Second, that may have been true at one time. But writers have become so lazy that whenever they need a threat to the Green Lantern Corps, they introduce an antagonist that isn't affected by the Green Lantern light. Its brand has been severely diluted in the modern era.

• Hal Jordan makes sure to put the period on the sentence "The Green Lanterns are fucked" by explaining to John that he's used every construct he can think of and focused all of his will power. Oh, well then! I guess that's that. Game over. Time to put away the pieces and stick it back up on the top shelf of the closet between Going to Jerusalem and Monopoly. I would be a bit skeptical that he tried every construct he could think of except that it's Hal Jordan. He's not exactly fueled by imagination. He probably tried a missile, a gun, a tank, a giant baseball bat, a bulldozer, a giant cat, and a tennis racket. None of them worked!

• After Hal reports that the creatures aren't affected by his ring, John's decision is to use more rings on them. He really does come from a military background, doesn't he?

• I probably don't need this bullet point but I just want to make it clear: John's plan doesn't work.

Sarko really is a major bad guy. Even Lex Luthor doesn't use infanticide metaphors!

• Hal realizes that he's to blame for the Prism Beasts due to his use of Krona's Gauntlet to forge a new Green Lantern ring. He buried the gauntlet on the planet where Sarko currently holds Gorin-sunn and Space Ape hostage. Well, that's an easy enough problem to solve! They've got Rip Hunter, after all. Just go back in time, dig up the gauntlet, and throw it in a nearby sun. If the premise of this story is that time travel can be used willy-nilly to constantly alter an ever-changing and fucking confusing future then maybe use time travel to your benefit! Stop fighting in the present and go back further in the past to fix the terrible present that is happening due to the terrible future that happened because of the current present! Or something.

• The Green Lantern Corps' plan is to battle the beasts to a standstill while Hal and Rip head off to dig up Krona's Gauntlet and keep it off of future Sarko's hand. That's almost the right plan! Use time travel, dum-dums!

• I know, I know. Rip Hunter probably can't time travel right now because he doesn't have the proper equipment. He might have explained it in a past issue but knowing that more time travel would just make the resolution too easy is explanation enough.

• Guy Gardner and Arkillo join the battle too.

Guy is as imaginative as Hal.

• Okay, he's less imaginative. After his giant baseball bat fails, he says, "Welp. I'm out of ideas." Good job, Guy. Good job.

• As Hal and Rip flee Mogo, the Green and Yellow Lanterns remove their rings and surrender to the Prism Beasts. Losers.

• Sarko reveals that his father knew Hal Jordan and Hal Jordan told his father where Krona's Gauntlet was buried. Since Sarko looks like a Korugarian and there are only a few people Hal would trust with that kind of information, Sarko's parents must be Soranik and Kyle Rayner. He's Sinestro's grandson. Who probably exists because Sinestro was too Goddamned lazy to do his chores.

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