Wednesday, May 24, 2017

The Flash #22

It's okay to burn books if they're terrible, right?

• If the Justice Society is being reintroduced to the DC Universe, I bet they come back more diverse. I bet Jay Garrick arrives and says, "Hello. I'm Jay Garrick. I'm asexual. I had to say that right up front or else nobody would ever know and fans could only speculate which is all they've ever been able to do in the past being that the general rule was all characters were heterosexual. But if I don't say it right now, right up front, how are all the asexual comic book fans going to know that they have to now consider me their favorite character?"

• It's a good thing Jay Garrick is on the cover or I might not have realized that the ubiquitous Narration Boxes were coming from him. Sure, they show the lightning bolt in the corner so the reader knows whose mind they've been allowed into (because how can a reader know what's happening if somebody isn't constantly explaining it to them? (you probably shouldn't read The Wild Storm if you nodded your head vigorously to that sarcastic question)) but with two other Flashes right there on the page, it could have been confusing.

• Reverse Flash (who died but now isn't dead because fuck you) declares he knows who gave the smiley face button all of its power. The Flash declares how embarrassed he is that Reverse Flash can time travel without an aid and also because Batman is witnessing it. Batman declares he will forever after this moment refer to the Cosmic Treadmill as "Flash's little blue pill."

"Barry, I'm here! And I'm asexual!"

• Reverse Flash arrives at Mister Manhattan's feet and receives a lethal dose of editing. You would think this time it would take. Erasing Revers Flash from the DC Universe could solve a lot of continuity problems. But I've already seen ads of Reverse Flash appearing in future Flash comics so I guess DC just can't resist his allure as Flash's rival. I can understand why. They didn't go through all the trouble of coming up with the perfect name for Flash's nemesis to just throw him away. Now if they'd chosen Evil Flash or Opposite Flash or Yrrab Nella the Hsalf, I could see sending the character to limbo. But Reverse Flash! So great! Unless it's Reverse-Flash. I'm never sure about the hyphen. I think it both exists and doesn't exist due to all of Reverse(-)Flash's time travel shenanigans.

• The Flash can't run through time because he can't get any traction. That's why he needs the treadmill. It's not like he doesn't want to run through time with Batman. He totally wants to! It's all he can think about! But when the time comes, he just can't get his feet to work. Luckily old man Jay Garrick has arrived to help! Not that he'll help in the metaphor I've been cultivating because Jay is asexual. But he'll help The Flash and Batman run through time to get them home.

They did it to sell more comic books. But the bump in sales didn't have the long term effect they were hoping for.

• The Flash doesn't remember Jay Garrick the same way he remembered Wally West. I guess that's because DC isn't ready to publish a Justice Society book yet. Or maybe The Flash did save him but he returned to Earth 2 as he was saved! Now DC can publish that Justice Society book whenever they're ready. Which actually means they'll publish it about eight months before they're ready. They really need to work on nailing down their reasons for doing things before they just jump in and do them.

• A later scene suggests that Bruce Wayne doesn't find happiness in being The Batman. Oh, fuck you, comic book. Of course he does. Stop pretending he's some kind of Jesus figure sacrificing a boring, mundane life so he can save us all from our sins by being a super fantastic and exciting action hero. It's no wonder I like Nightwing so much now. Angst is for self-pitying, joyless assholes.

"I'm just a comic book character who can see the editors. Like that guy over there still groping female underlings."

• There's an epilogue in Watchmen font and style that introduces some event called "Doomsday Clock" coming in November. It has something to do with the Watchmen and Superman and, I'm guessing, Doomsday. It will be terrible but that won't stop fans from already jerking off over it because Geoff Johns name is attached as writer.

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