Friday, May 12, 2017

Bug! The Adventures of Forager #1

I'm already partial to this comic because it has an exclamation point in the title.

I have no idea who this Jack Kirbian Jack-ass is so let me get out my Grandmaster Comic Book Reader Bible!

Who needs the Young Animal Who's Who appendices?! This should give me all of the pertinent information I need!

Here are the important details for Bug! He's single so masturbating to his adventures shouldn't be stained by guilt. He's 5'10" and weighs 162 pounds which makes him, um, not fat? Chubby? Well-muscled? Since he's a Kirby character, I know it makes him cherubic of face and goofy of hair. He has no family and I'm assuming, by the stupid look on his face, no friends as well. He's almost certainly a virgin (unless you count fucking insects or rubbing up against a blade of grass until you adult your pants).

Forager's powers are super exciting for a Jack Kirby character of the early 70s. He can run really fast (but only in relation to people who run at normal speeds. It's not like a superpower or anything)! Wow! He can also leap like a flea which is probably a superpower unless it's just some flea DNA from his mother's disgusting side of the family. He wears shoes that let him walk on any surface which might not seem like much if you're thinking of surfaces like dirt and grass and asphalt. But you'll probably lose your shit when I tell you I mean walls and ceilings and really steep hills! His weapon is an acid pod which spurts acid all over the faces of his enemies in much the same way the comparative body part I'm redacting for polite reasons sprays semen.

Oh, and he also carries a shield because sometimes you need to defend yourself even if that's the most boring part of the comic book. Hopefully he throws it a lot even if that will inevitably produce snorts of plagiarism from Marvel Zombies. They're already priming the snort pump anyway just seeing the shield in Bug's hands!

Bug looks an awful lot like Mr. Sensitive, doesn't he? Maybe it's just that all of Mike Allred's characters look an awful lot like all of the other Mike Allred characters.

Bug decides to have a confusing memory on the first page to set up his history. It's easier to understand if you just read the Who's Who entry on Forager! After everybody is caught up on Bug's past and they're thinking, "What the fuck was that about? I guess his origin was an existential crisis followed up by believing in himself because Batman remembered his name?", Bug gives rebirth to himself.

Bug discovers he's in a basement so he begins asking all the pertinent questions like "How much did I drink last night?" or "Why does the woman I have a huge crush on not love me?!" Usually that second question leads to an answer to the first question of "Way too much!" I've spent a lot of time drinking in basements so I know what I'm talking about. I'm fairly certain every guy I've ever known has cried in my basement about a woman.

Bug follows a transparent girl upstairs where he finds a bunch of misshapen people. They refer to him as "The Sleeper" and attempt to tuck him back into his cocoon. This might have something to do with The Dreaming since I'm fairly certain I saw Brute and/or Glob in the promotional art for this book in the back of Doom Patrol or Cave Carson Sucks On A Cybernetic Eye.

Bug evades the Wakers and chases after the transparent girl where she's doing weird dream things.

Remember in the 70s and 80s, every week it seemed there would be footage of the next longest ever amount of dominoes toppling over?

The little girl's teddy bear explains being an individual to Bug because Bug thinks being a rebel is being and individual. But Bug only knows that everything he does, somebody else seems to want him to do that. So then he doesn't do it which is always what somebody else wants. The thing he's missing, being that he was raised by insect people, is that he has the freedom to do what he wants for his own reasons and based on his own desires. He's learning about free will!

I suspect somebody will soon poke a hole in that theory too and call the whole thing an unsustainable illusion which we all desperately maintain to believe until the day it all crumbles and we realize nothing matters and we embrace the dark nothingness of non-existence.

The little girl gets tired of Bug and the Teddy Bear ignoring her as they talk about Camus (with the appropriate jokes so that the plebe readers will learn how to pronounce his name correctly) and she switches up some of the dominoes. This causes them to be possessed by a bunch of DC Characters like Sandman (not the goth one), Deadman, Black Racer, OMAC, Manhunter, Metron, and two others that I don't immediately recognize. Bug topples the dominoes which eventually knock down the dominoes possessed by other characters and the PLOP TUBE! out of the room. That's when Brute and Glob stumble in to see what's happening.

Brute and Glob attempt to give Bug a bad dream but he's not dreaming so they just get their asses kicked instead. Then Sandman joins the brawl because he doesn't have anything better to do. If he wasn't here fighting Bug, he'd be perving out inside some young person's wet dream, probably.

Oh, actually Bug is dreaming and this is his dream. That's why he's The Sleeper to the other creatures in the dream. Seems weird that they'd want him to not wander around in his own dreams. What's he supposed to do? Dream he's sleeping every night? Boring!

Apparently he's still dead but then he woke up but then he woke up again and now he might be dead but dreaming or alive and dreaming or dreaming but dead and alive? I think he's just been incepted one too many times. Anyway, he helps Sandman save the world from General Electric (so the bad guy in this Young Animal book is a corporation too! Just like all of the other Young Animal books! Except Mother Panic where the bad guy is art. Unless it's art made by a corporation into fooling the masses like Fearless Girl) before incepting into a new level of reality. That one will take place in Issue #2 and probably be totally different.

I guess this book is what happens if you cross Jacob's Ladder with Inception and add a little Abbot and Costello Meet Albert Camus

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