Friday, February 19, 2016

Robin, Son of Batman #9

Don't worry, Talia. Just scrape his sperm out of the bat-condom he threw in the trash.

Rating: No change.

Damian finally gets around to seeing what his father's up to (pretending Batman doesn't exist so he can fuck Julie Madison and pretend he's happy). It's been a long time coming and I've been particularly looking forward to it. But since Duke had already done the thing that Damian was meant to do (tell Bruce to stop fucking Julie Madison because he's not really happy), I knew I would be surprised by whatever he did. And I guess I was. I mean, the surprising thing was that I didn't give a shit about Damian watching his father while he slept. No, the reunion I had really been hoping for happened at the end of the comic book! Damian finally getting around to visiting his pets! Lucky for Alfred, he's kept them all in good health.

I know you hate whimsy, DC (even if you think you don't and are still patting yourself on the back for publishing the mostly awful and not really very entertaining Bat-Mite and Bizarro books) but can't you make some room for some super pet stories again? Sure it's not cool or hip or epic or savage or fuddly-doo. Yet! See, that's your problem, DC! You're all about trying to keep up with the cool. Your shit is so off fleek you keep it in a music box with a little pink ballerina. You need to take some shit and make it the thing everybody wants to be! Stop pointing at Batgirl. You can't be happy about a change of character that you're constantly grousing about! You know you hate that books like Gotham Academy and Batgirl are popular because they're not fucking grimdark! Get with the times and embrace cute, you sock drawer!

You know what you need, DC? A monthly Tig the Vampire book where Tig is a somewhat immature eighteen year old immortal who loves cute shit and can't get laid no matter how horny she is. Maybe Maps could be a regular guest star because Tig the Vampire is totally into roleplaying and practicing kissing on her friends. Also she should express her love for a mysterious werefish named Grunion Guy who she totally wants to bang tons!

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